


Character Rescue Shelter

by YenGirl



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Humor, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 54,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YenGirl/pseuds/YenGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having seen the deaths of several key characters that had us bawling like babies, we are now determined to provide a happier ending for them. Parody and bizarre tongue in cheek humour. Multiple characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone and A Happy New Year!

So... this is my first foray into the world of Naruto *bows* I got my 13 year old daughter interested in Inuyasha and Vampire Knight, and she got her revenge on me by dragging me through Pokemon, Kamisama Hajimemashita and Fairytail. And now, Naruto. Which is why I've been spending most of my free time over the past two months watching the anime of this series instead of working on my ongoing fanfics. My deepest apologies to all my patient readers!

Anyway, my daughter's already at Shippuden Episode 443 while I'm still at Shippuden Episode 166. Apart from the mind boggling plots, the riveting action scenes and the fantastic music, the characters have had the two of us smiling, laughing, crying and even cringing in turns. What we could have done without though are the deaths of several key characters that had us bawling like babies.

Hence, we are determined to provide a happier ending for those characters and present to you our Character Rescue Shelter series. Please don't expect any epic sagas as you will be getting parody and bizarre tongue in cheek humour instead. Hope you enjoy this series anyway *bows*

**General Warnings:**  Self insert, parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOC-ness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episode 19 (The Demon in the Snow). Please do not read on until you have seen the anime up to this episode.

**Rating:** 'T'

**Character:** Haku

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start -

A pair of brown eyes blinked open, two delicate eyebrows above them drawing into a frown. There was nothing to see but thick mist everywhere.

Haku sat up and looked around, wondering where he was. He knew he was dead, there was no way he could have survived Kakashi Hatake's lightning based attack right to the chest.

So where was he now?

He stood up and examined himself, a bit surprised to find his body uninjured and his outfit pristine. No doubt his real body was in a far worse condition. Looking up, he found the mist clearing. He was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance.

With nothing else to do, Haku started towards it.

\- o -

Inside the hut was nothing but a long counter behind which sat two females. They turned to each other and grinned.

"Are you excited, daughter?"

"Of course, mother! This is the very first chapter of our Character Rescue Shelter where we shall bring all our favourite dead characters in Naruto back to life!"

"And where they shall live out the rest of their lives the way we want them to, complete with happiness, romance and love!"

The daughter cleared her throat.

"Not everyone has to have the same ending, you know, mother."

"Of course they do," the mother insisted. "Complete with wedding vows and lots and lots of babies!"

The daughter face palmed herself. At the polite knock on the door, they both looked up eagerly.

"Is that...?" the mother faltered, but the daughter nodded.

"Haku."

"Come in," called out the mother.

The door opened and a face peeped around it.

"Hello, Haku," the daughter chirped.

"Come in, love," added the mother.

Haku came in and closed the door behind him. He looked around curiously.

"Where is this place? And who are you two?"

Both mother and daughter smiled.

"Who we are is not important. What is important is that we are giving you an opportunity to continue living."

Haku's eyes widened.

"But I'm dead..."

The mother waved an airy hand.

"Easily taken care of, love. No need to worry about the how's and the why's. All you need to do is tell us that you want to be alive again."

Haku dropped his gaze.

"Not really," he said.

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter at the same time as they clutched at each other.

"What are you saying?!"

"Why ever not?!"

"This can't be happening!"

"This changes everything!"

Haku gave a small smile.

"I have outlived my usefulness as a tool to Zabuza Momochi. Since I died saving his life, I have nothing more to live for."

The mother's eyes twitched dangerously while a popping vein surfaced on the daughter's forehead.

"Nothing more to live for?" repeated the mother with gritted teeth.

"After all the trouble we went to?" added the daughter in a menacing tone.

Haku blinked and took a step back.

"Well, I guess I can continue protecting Zabuza and trying to make his dream come true," he said in a placating tone.

Instantly, the mother and daughter were all smiles.

"Way to go, Haku!" cried the latter.

"Atta girl - I mean, boy!" cried the former. "Come closer, love, and take this."

Haku approached the table somewhat hesitantly and accepted a piece of paper.

"In return for your second chance, here is a list of instructions you are to follow strictly. You are to tape this piece paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning," the mother said.

"Don't worry," added the daughter, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please."

Haku nodded.

"Number 1: I will not be an assassin anymore. Instead, I will do good deeds by helping people or animals. For example, help to run an orphanage or an animal shelter."

He paused and looked up.

"I would love to help both children and animals, but Zabuza and I are not rich. We only made enough to survive."

The mother and daughter both gave him mysterious smiles.

"Don't worry," they said. "You will never lack for money or help as long as you do good deeds."

"Continue reading," urged the daughter.

"Number 2: I will remind Zabuza everyday how lucky he is to have me by his side," Haku read aloud and turned pink.

"Mother! Did you change my list?" demanded the daughter.

"Well, there were too few things on it so I thought I would add a couple more," said the mother with a wide grin.

"I dread to think what's next," muttered the daughter.

"Number 3: I will wear the pink kimono more often since I look good in it."

While Haku's face turned a deeper pink, the daughter made a motion of slamming her head against the counter and the mother looked the picture of innocence. Clearing his throat, Haku soldiered on.

"Number 4: I will share Zabuza's bed every night and have lots and lots of... babies."

It was hard to tell who was more red faced by now - Haku or the daughter.

"Mother, that's not even possible!" The latter clutched at her hair.

"Fine," huffed the mother. "You can remove the babies part, but I want to keep the sharing the bed part."

While Haku looked down at his shoes, the daughter reached across the counter, grabbed the piece of paper from him and crossed out several words.

"That part is negotiable," she whispered to Haku.

"I don't mind that part, really," Haku replied with a soft smile although his face was still pink.

The mother smiled approvingly at him while the daughter occupied herself with more furious scribbling.

When Haku got back the list, he continued reading.

"Number 5: I will keep up my training and continue to be an awesome shinobi. P/S: Do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret."

Both mother and daughter beamed at him.

"Do you agree to all the rules?" asked the mother.

Haku nodded and smiled, his eyes growing shiny.

"I have another chance to be serve Zabuza and to let him use me in any way he sees fit. Being a tool for him to achieve his dream is all I ever wanted."

Both mother and daughter stared at him, aghast.

"Number 6!" they shouted and made another grab for the paper.

When Haku got back the now dogeared paper, he frowned and read aloud the latest rule.

"Number 6: I am Zabuza's equal, his partner, his friend and his lover - "Lover?!" squawked the daughter - "but never his tool or someone to be taken advantage of or used."

Haku stared at them, his expression torn between confusion and hope.

"I don't think I can get used to this," he whispered.

"But do you want to?" asked the mother. She and the daughter waited with bated breath until Haku gave a tiny nod.

"Yes. I would like to, very much."

"Then consider it done!" declared the mother. "No worries, love. It will all work out, just you wait and see."

"If that is all," added the daughter who had reached down to heave a huge glass jar full of tiny pink balls onto the counter, "have a peach pill." *

"A peach pill?" Haku asked as he held out a hand.

"It's a cure all for any injuries you have sustained whether they are as minor as a paper cut or as major as a Chidori to the chest," the daughter explained. She dropped one in Haku's hand. "Please take it now."

They both smiled as Haku swallowed the pill. The mother then pointed to a second door with the word 'Exit' printed on it.

"Off you go now and have a wonderful life with your beloved."

"As long as Zabuza is with me, I will be happy," Haku replied and bowed. "Thank you both so much for this second chance."

With a final smile, he turned and went out the door.

" _Such_ a sweetie," sighed the mother with a rapturous smile.

"Totally worth saving," agreed the daughter. "Now, who's next on the list?"

They both looked at a piece of paper taped on the counter.

"Right." The mother brought her two hands together and cracked her knuckles, a grim look replacing her smile. "I can't wait to tell _him_ a thing or two."

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** * In the anime Kamisama Hajimemashita, peach pills are the Peach God's special elixir that can heal almost any illness or wound, including a god's.

Thank you for reading! Can you guess who's next?


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

 **General Warnings:**  Self insert, parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOC-ness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episode 19 (The Demon in the Snow). Please do not read on until you have seen the anime up to this episode.

**Character:** Zabuza Momochi

\- Chapter Start -

Zabuza Momochi's narrow brown eyes snapped open and squinted all around. He was baffled by the thick mist surrounding him... mist he was sure he hadn't conjured up. In an instant, he was on his feet and in a half crouch, ready for defense or attack.

If this was Hell then where was the fire and brimstone?

Where were the cackling beings dancing around gleefully as they stabbed him with poisoned swords?

Zabuza looked around again. No fire and brimstone or anyone, and no Haku either although that shouldn't be a surprise.

_"You were always at my side... the least I can do is to be beside you... at the end... I know it cannot be, but... I wish I could go to where you have gone. How I wish I could join you there... Haku."_

The regretful words he had whispered as he lay beside Haku's body came back to mock him. Of course Haku wasn't here with him. He was too kind and too good to reside anywhere else but in Heaven while evil people like Zabuza rotted in Hell.

If only he hadn't closed himself off from Haku all these years...

If only he hadn't brought the boy up as a mere tool to be used...

If only he had allowed himself to care for Haku the way he deserved...

_I'm sorry, Haku. Sorry I never told you how I felt... and still do._

Zabuza felt his eyes burn again, but he forced back his tears. He had already disgraced himself once in front of that Naruto brat, he wasn't going to do so again. Standing up, he glanced down at himself, surprised to find he wasn't covered in blood. Even his arms were no longer crippled by Kakashi's well thrown kunai.

All the more to enjoy what Hell has to offer, Zabuza told himself with a mirthless chuckle. Looking up, he found the mist clearing at last. He was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance.

Well, no sense in prolonging the inevitable. Squaring his shoulders, Zabuza trudged towards the hut.

\- o -

The single rap on the door made the mother and daughter exchange looks. The mother quickly put on a stern expression, but the daughter just shrugged.

"Come in."

Zabuza opened the door and walked in, suspicious eyes darting left and right. Then he frowned at the two females sitting behind the counter.

"Where is this place?" he demanded. "And who are you two?"

"Funny, Haku asked us the same questions," the daughter said in a casual tone, looking at a point past Zabuza's left shoulder.

Eyes widening in shock, Zabuza leapt forward and slammed his hands down on the counter, looming over the two startled females. They squeaked in alarm and scooted backwards.

"Haku! Haku was here? You saw him? Why is he here? Where is he now?" Zabuza barked out his questions in rapid succession.

"Back! Back! Or we'll help you not!" the mother cried, whipping out a wooden ruler from under the counter and bringing it down smartly on Zabuza's knuckles.

"Ow!"

The daughter took out another ruler and shook it in Zabuza's face.

"Ask us nicely or we won't say a word," she warned.

"What the...!" Zabuza snapped his mouth shut, right eye twitching.

For a moment, he looked like he was going to leap right over the counter, but then he grunted and took a step back, reining in his anger with obvious difficulty.

"Where. Is. Haku." he growled.

Both the mother and daughter blinked innocently at him.

"Do you mean that nice boy who was too kind and gentle to be brought up as a tool by a mercenary like you?"

"Do you mean that lovely boy who only wanted to serve and protect you and make your dream come true?"

"Do you mean that beautiful-"

"Yes!" Zabuza thundered. "I meant him! Haku! Where the blazes is he?"

"Not here," said the mother with a toss of her head.

"Sorry," added the daughter in a tone that clearly said she wasn't sorry.

Zabuza's eyes narrowed to slits. He glared at the two females for a full ten seconds, breathing heavily, before bowing his head.

"Where is Haku?" he asked quietly. "Please."

The mother and daughter looked at each other and nodded.

"Haku came by earlier," the mother explained. "We gave him a choice and he decided to return to the land of the living,"

Zabuza swallowed.

"He - he's still alive? But how can he be? I saw him die with my own eyes!"

"And whose fault was _that?_ " hissed the mother.

"After being brought up to be nothing more than a tool?" snapped the daughter.

"I... was wrong," Zabuza admitted. "I know that now, thanks to that Naruto brat."

"Whom you should thank for opening your eyes to how you truly felt about Haku," said the mother.

Zabuza gave a grim smile.

"If he ever ends up here in Hell then I will. But I know he won't."

Neither the mother nor daughter said anything and then Zabuza exhaled.

"So Haku is still alive," he said gruffly. "I wish - I hope he will have a happier life than the one he did before."

The mother and daughter exchanged another look and nodded at each other.

"We could give you a second chance like we did Haku," the mother said. " _If_ you promise to treat him well and do good from now on."

Zabuza's eyes widened.

"A second chance?" he repeated.

"All you need to do is tell us that you want to be alive again," prompted the daughter.

"If Haku," Zabuza cleared his throat, almost cringing at how hoarse he sounded. "If Haku is still alive then I want to be as well."

"In that case, take this," said the daughter, holding out a piece of paper. "In return for your second chance, you are to follow this list of instructions strictly. Tape this in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning. You are the only one who can see this paper, by the way. Now, read it out aloud."

"Number 1," Zabuza began. "I will not be an assassin or a mercenary anymore. Instead, I will do good deeds by helping people or animals. For example, help to run an orphanage or an animal shelter."

He looked up, right eye twitching again, before glancing around as if he expected to find a few stray cats and dogs milling about.

"And where will the funds come from if I can't kill for money anymore?" he growled.

"Don't worry! You will never lack for money or help as long as you do good deeds. Continue reading."

Zabuza grumbled under his breath, but complied.

"Number 2: I will give Haku all the love, care and respect he deserves."

He stopped reading, opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again.

"Number 3: If Haku consents to share my bed every night, I will make sure he never regrets it and we will have lots and lots of... babies?!"

"Motherrrrrr!" The daughter covered her face with her hands.

Zabuza looked up with a half hopeful expression before he scowled.

"You do realise Haku is a boy, don't you?" he growled, crumpling the paper in his hand.

"I just wanted to make sure you read every word," the mother said blithely. "Continue, please."

"Number 4-" Zabuza broke off as the daughter snatched back the paper, smoothed it out and crossed out several words. When he got it back, he continued.

"Number 4-"

"Stop," interrupted the mother with a suspicious glance at the daughter. "Read rule number 3 again, please."

Zabuza glared at her and then at the paper.

"It's been crossed out," he said, sounding rather sulky.

"Daughterrrrrrr!"

"What?"

"You crossed out that entire rule!"

"So?"

"You could've left the first part! They _have_ to share a bed!"

"No, they don't!"

"But Haku doesn't mind!"

"He never said that! And Zabuza might!"

Zabuza looked from one female to the other, his expression confused and exasperated.

"What did Haku say?" he finally growled.

Both mother and daughter blinked and turned to him.

"Nothing!" they both chorused. "Continue, please."

Zabuza's right eye twitched again, but he looked down at the paper.

"Number 4: I will keep myself fit and healthy, all the better to do good deeds as well as protect Haku."

Looking up, he sighed.

"You do know he's a well trained - never mind," he said and shook his head,.

"Number 5: I will remind myself everyday that Haku is my equal, my partner, my friend and my lover - "Not again!" groaned the daughter - "but never my tool or someone to be taken advantage of or used. P/S: Do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret."

"Well? Do you agree to all the rules?" asked the mother while the daughter slowly tapped the ruler against her palm with a sweet smile on her face.

Zabuza nodded silently.

"Great!" declared the mother. "Have a couple of peach pills before you go."

Zabuza held out a hand and frowned down at the tiny pink balls in his palm.

"They're a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor," the daughter explained. "One is for the nerve damage to your arms and the other for the sword wounds in your back. Please take them now."

"Yes, we don't want you dying again of those horrific wounds and returning here five minutes later," added the mother.

"A cure all, huh," Zabuza said after he had swallowed the pills. "Why don't I take a handful with me?"

"Huh-uh."

"No can do, mister."

Zabuza flashed what he thought was a winning grin at the two females only to have them shrink back at the sight of his pointy teeth.

"I'll save them for when Haku gets injured," he suggested craftily, but was glared at again.

"It's your job to make sure that never happens!"

"You're fully responsible for his happiness and well being from now on!"

And Zabuza found himself once again recalling the words he had whispered to Haku as he lay dying. He exhaled and squared his shoulders.

"Fine. I will."

"Atta boy," said the mother approvingly.

"Off you go now and enjoy a happily ever after with Haku," the daughter added, pointing to the Exit door. "As friends," she added under her breath.

Zabuza went to the door and looked over his shoulder.

"This is more than I deserve. Thank you," he replied in a gruff tone before he left.

\- o -

_Back in the Land of Waves..._

Zabuza opened his eyes at the same moment Haku opened his. Their eyes widened and they both sat up at the same moment.

"Haku," Zabuza croaked. Seeing the boy alive brought a huge ache to his chest, almost sharper than the sorrow he had felt when Naruto scolded him.

Haku's lips trembled into a smile, his eyes growing bright.

"Master Zabuza," he said and bowed his head. "So it's true, I have been giving a second chance at life."

Zabuza shook his head, his throat so tight he couldn't say anything for a moment.

"We both have. And it's Zabuza. Just Zabuza. I won't ever - you and I are equals, Haku."

Haku stared at him for almost a minute, a minute in which Zabuza held his breath. Finally, the boy gave a happy nod, his eyes brimming over with tears.

With a groan, Zabuza wrapped his arms around Haku and buried his face in the long black hair, mumbling incoherent words that would later make him cringe with embarrassment.

Neither of them were aware of anything or anyone save themselves, whether it was the last of the snowflakes dancing in the air, or Kakashi Hatake and his team looking on with bemused if happy smiles.

\- o -

As the door closed behind Zabuza, both mother and daughter heaved sighs of relief and smiled at each other before consulting the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Oh, it's him next!"

"Another character cut down before his time and one worth saving," said the mother.

"Too bad we don't know much about his past," remarked the daughter before raising her eyebrows. "I suppose you're going to tell him the same thing about weddings and babies?"

"Of course!" thrilled the mother with an even wider grin. "He already has a very pretty someone in his life, doesn't he?"

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! We're trying to go chronologically according to the anime episodes so can you guess who's next? :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:**  Self insert, parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOC-ness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episode 54 and Naruto Shippuden 308 (flashback).

**Character:** Hayate Gekko

\- Chapter Start -

Hayate Gekko opened his eyes and looked around, a cold knot of dread forming in his stomach. Where was he and why was there so much mist around him?

He stood up, frowning. The last thing he remembered was overhearing a conversation between that traitor Kabuto and that sand shinobi Baki. They were talking about a planned attack on the Leaf Village. Hayate was just about to go inform the third Hokage when he realised he had been discovered. There was a brief battle on the rooftop of Kikyo castle, Hayate using his signature Leaf Style Crescent Moon Dance... Baki using his wind sword... slashes of burning pain... and then, nothing.

So he _was_ dead.

Hayate squeezed his eyes shut, conscious of a sharp pang of regret. A ninja's life was precarious and the end, more often not, was both violent and unexpected. He wasn't one to fear death, but he wished it hadn't come so soon. He wished he had asked Yugao to marry him first although in hindsight it was probably better for her that he hadn't. At least he hadn't left her a widow.

Bowing his head, Hayate recalled the brief meeting he had had with her on the night he died.

_"Then let us make a vow with the moon as our witness. I'll swear an oath to you and you to me, we'll love and protect each other above all else."_

Only he couldn't protect her anymore, could he?

Hayate shook his head and opened his eyes. What was done was done. All he could do now was hope the Village Hidden in the Leaves would triumph over the betrayal from the Sand and that Yugao would enjoy a long and happy life, whether alone or with someone else.

Looking around, Hayate found the mist clearing. He was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He started for it, coughing into his hand along the way.

\- o -

The brief knock on the door followed by muted coughing made the mother and daughter exchange smiles.

"Come in."

The door opened and Hayate's curious face appeared around it. He looked around warily before coming in and approaching the counter.

"Hello. May I ask where is this place?" he asked.

" _Such_ a nice , polite boy," said the mother with a wide smile.

"He's a man, mother."

" _Such_ a nice, polite young man."

The daughter shook her head with resignation and turned to Hayate.

"Never mind where here is or who we are," she said. "What is important is that we are giving you an opportunity to continue living."

Hayate's eyes widened.

"But I died."

The mother waved an airy hand.

"Easily taken care of. No need to worry about the how's and the why's. All you need to do is tell us that you want to be alive again."

Hayate frowned.

_Am I in a genjutsu?_

"Is it possible?" he asked cautiously. A ninja must see through deception after all.

"It is," the daughter assured him.

"Then... yes." Hayate didn't see any harm in agreeing.

"Wonderful!" cried the mother.

"Here you go." The daughter held out a piece of paper.

"What is this?" Hayate asked as he accepted it, quickly glancing at the back to make sure it wasn't a paper bomb.

"In return for your second chance, here is a list of instructions you are to follow strictly. You are to tape this piece of paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning," the mother told him.

"Don't worry," added the daughter, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please."

Hayate nodded and coughed again before starting.

"Number 1: Teach the Crescent Moon Dance and other sword techniques as well as the Transparency Jutsu to more of the younger generation ninja," he read and nodded. "That is a good idea."

"I knew you would say that!" stated the mother with a wide grin.

"Don't interrupt him, mother."

"Number 2: Propose to Yugao the moment you get back-" Hayate paused and blinked.

"That's too soon!" objected the daughter.

"Don't interrupt him, daughter. Please continue, Hayate dear."

"... uhm, and have lots and lots of babies." Hayate blinked, gave a rather strangled sounding cough and turned pink.

"Mother!"

"What? Yugao is a female!"

"You're going to scare him away!"

"He's made of sterner stuff than that, aren't you, love?"

Hayate decided discretion was the better part of valour here. He made a show of looking around the room and even up at the ceiling.

"Fine," huffed the mother while the daughter smirked to herself. "Continue reading."

"Number 3: Appear in more episodes of Naruto. Huh?"

"What we mean is try to stand beside Naruto Uzumaki more often," explained the daughter with a happy smile.

"Daughter! You're not supposed to break the fourth wall!"

"Isn't that the whole purpose of this series?"

The mother face palmed herself.

"Never mind," she muttered.

Hayate looked from her to the other, frowning in confusion.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"Oh, never you mind, love. Are there anymore rules?"

Hayate scanned the paper and shook his head.

"Very well then," replied the mother. "Now, mind you propose to your beautiful girlfriend as soon as you wake up, you hear? She's sure to say yes!"

"Mother, what's sure to happen is that he's going to wake up covered in blood! Ugh. Besides, shouldn't a marriage proposal include dinner, flowers and a ring?"

"The sooner the better, I say!"

Shaking her head, the daughter reached down and heaved a large jar of little pink balls onto the counter. Then she placed a small tube beside it.

"Here, two peach pills for you to be swallowed now. One is for your wind blade injuries and the other for your chronic and unexplained coughs."

Still looking rather nonplussed, Hayate swallowed the two pills and picked up the tube.

"What's this?"

"Eye cream," said the mother. "To get rid of those unsightly dark circles. Apply a thin layer under your eyes - very gently! - every morning and night after washing your face. And don't sleep too late! A young man about to get married should look his best!"

"Oh. Thank you," Hayate said, looking embarrassed. He kept the tube in one of his flak jacket pockets.

"OK, that's it. Now, mind you keep that list in a place where you can see it everyday and have a wonderful life with your Yugao!"

"I plan to. Thank you again very much," Hayate said with a small smile. He bowed to them before going out the door marked with an Exit sign.

\- o -

_Back on the rooftop of Kikyo Castle..._

Hayate opened his eyes to find it was already morning. A circle of familiar Anbu masks were looking down at him. His gaze immediately zeroed in on the nearest one - a cat mask with three red lines, one across the forehead and one on each cheek, framed by long purple hair.

"Hayate? Y-you're alive?"

"Yugao." Hayate sat up, causing the Anbu around him to all move back a step.

"But you're dead!" one of them said.

"You didn't have a heartbeat just a minute ago," another said.

Yugao hadn't moved, but now she took off her mask with a trembling hand. Her beautiful face was wet with tears.

"Hayate..."

Paying no heed to his bloodstained and ripped uniform, Hayate threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly. He relished the feel of her in his arms, feeling his eyes burn with emotion. After a long moment, he drew back and kissed her.

"Will you marry me, Yugao?" he asked quietly.

Yugao drew back in surprise, her eyes wide.

"Are you - are you proposing to me?" she asked blankly. "Right now?"

Hayate nodded.

"I am. I don't have a ring on me now and I know I look a sight, but-"

"Yes!" Yugao threw her arms around him, almost knocking him onto his back again. She was laughing through the tears in her eyes. "Yes, of course I will!"

They kissed again, more passionately this time until they were interrupted by the sounds of a few throats being cleared.

"Get a room!" someone said, causing a few chuckles.

"Congrats, you two," another one said. "But let's get you to the hospital first, Hayate."

Hayate stood up and grinned, his arm around Yugao's waist.

"No need. I've never felt better in my life!" he declared. Oh, that reminded him - he patted his flak jacket pocket to make sure the tube of cream was there. It was. Then he remembered what had happened last night and his smile faded.

"I have to see Lord Hokage immediately. Our village is in danger."

\- o -

As the door closed behind Hayate, both mother and daughter grinned at each other before consulting the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Oh, it's _him_ next," said the mother.

"A lot of things are going to change if he goes back," observed the daughter.

"But he's a good man!"

"I know he is. Just no talk of babies, please?"

"Fine. I don't think that applies to him any longer anyway."

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who's next so please tell us! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:**  Self insert, parody, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episodes 73 (Forbidden Secret Technique) to 80 (The Third Hokage, Forever...), and Shippuden Episode 249 (Thank You).

**Character:** Hiruzen Sarutobi or 3rd Hokage.

\- Chapter Start -

The hollow knock on the door made both the mother and daughter start. They exchanged nervous looks before clearing their respective throats.

"Come in," said the mother with a noticeable quiver in her voice.

The door did not open, but a spectre with long white shaggy hair and two red horns drifted right through it.

"S-Shinigami. Er, thank you for coming."

With a claw tipped hand, the spectre removed the tanto gripped between sharp and jagged teeth.

"Why did you ask to see me?" he enquired in a hoarse, gravelly voice.

"Hey, I didn't know you could talk!" chirped the daughter.

Shinigami just glared at them, making the two females gulp. If he looked non-corporeal, intimidating and downright creepy on screen, he looked even more so up close and hovering just a few feet from the counter.

"We would like to get... uhm, we would like to make a trade."

"Trade?" Shinigami looked thoughtful. "What sort of trade?"

The daughter took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

"We want you to free the soul of Hiruzen Sarutobi, the third Hokage."

"That is not allowed," Shinigami said at once.

"Why not?"

"Because I just swallowed him three minutes ago!"

"Does that mean you can free a soul you ate a long time ago? Say about twelve years ago?"

"Don't mention him yet, daughter! His turn will come later."

"Whose turn do you speak of?"

"Never mind, Shinigami," said the mother hurriedly. "We just want you to free Hiruzen's soul for now."

"No. Once a soul is sealed inside my belly, it remains there for all time."

"Are you sure?"

Shinigami blinked, taken aback. Then he frowned suspiciously.

"Just out of curiosity, why do you want the soul of Hiruzen Sarutobi?"

"To bring him back to life, of course!"

Shinigami's eyes widened.

"Out of the question!"

"But he's a good person!"

"He surrendered his soul to me willingly!"

"But there's so much more good he can do if he's alive!"

"He died a shinobi's death!"

"He can do that again! Just at a later date!"

Shinigami sighed.

"Just out of curiosity, what would you give me in exchange for his soul?"

The daughter reached under the counter and brought out a cupcake with bright pink frosting.

"This?" she asked hopefully.

Shinigami sniffed and shook his head.

The daughter kept the cupcake and brought out a plate with a waffle on it, topped with vanilla ice cream and strawberry sauce.

"What about this?"

Shinigami hesitated and then shook his head again.

Giving a loud sigh, the daughter kept the waffle and heaved a big glass jar of chocolate chip cookies onto the counter.

"My final offer," she said in a 'take it or leave it' tone.

Shinigami licked his lips, his eyes lighting up.

"Deal!" Gliding forward, he snatched up the jar and cradled it protectively against his chest.

"Just a heads up," said the mother, "we may want to trade for other souls further down the line."

Shinigami's eyes lit up even more.

"And what will you offer me for each of those?"

"So much for principles," muttered the mother, rolling her eyes.

"What about these?" asked the daughter eagerly, setting three more desserts down on the counter.

A big apple pie with a flaky pastry crust that was golden with caramelised sugar.

A triple layer chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and decorated with fresh strawberries and cream.

A foot tall ice cream sundae topped with chocolate sauce, chopped nuts and a glazed red cherry.

"Name the three souls you want in return for those!" Shinigami ordered, drooling.

With a squeak, the daughter quickly hid all three desserts under the counter again.

"We'll contact you when it's their turn," the mother said hastily. "In the meantime, please release Hiruzen's soul after you leave."

"Very well," Shinigami grumbled. He turned around and then looked over his shoulder. "But don't keep me waiting too long."

With those ominous words, he replaced the tanto in his mouth and left, still cradling the jar of cookies close to his chest.

\- o -

Hiruzen Sarutobi opened his eyes. The last thing he had seen was Orochimaru's face - his younger version, talented and untainted by his unholy obsession with immortality - but now, there was nothing but thick white mist.

Hiruzen looked around, frowning thoughtfully. So this was what the belly of the demon Shinigami looked like. Getting to his feet, he took another good look around him. It was too bad he hadn't managed to seal Orochimaru's soul here along with his own, but where were Hashirama and Tobirama's souls?

He wanted to apologise to them again for changing their fate. At least the three of them could chat about the good old days... seeing as they would remain here for a very, very long time.

Hiruzen tried not to think about how long that would be. He would have much preferred to move onto the afterlife and be with Biwako again, but - no. He had already made his decision as the Third Hokage and he would do it again. The Leaf Village and its people would always come first, a commitment he and the other Hokage before him had stood by all their lives.

Oh, that's right - Minato Namikaze should be here too!

The mist started to clear, allowing Hiruzen to see he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He started for it immediately, hoping he would meet the other three Hokage there.

\- o -

The mother and daughter's expectant smiles widened when they heard the double knock on the door.

"Come in, Sandaime!"

The door opened and Hiruzen came in after a quick glance around. Then he nodded at the two smiling females sitting behind the counter.

"Greetings. I am Hiruzen Sarutobi. Are Hashirama Senju, Tobirama Senju and Minato Namikaze here?"

Both mother and daughter shook their heads.

"Nope. None of them are."

Hiruzen's eyes narrowed.

"They must be," he insisted. "All four of us are sealed inside Shinigami's belly. You two must be as well."

He gave them an appraising look. They must be highly skilled shinobi - even the younger one - to have cast the Reaper Death Seal. And there must be others if these two couldn't remember the three great Hokage.

As if they had read his thoughts, both the mother and daughter started chuckling.

"We're not in anyone's stomach," the mother finally said, wiping a tear from one eye.

"Well, you were, Hiruzen, but not anymore," the daughter added. She leaned forward and asked in a loud whisper, "So what was it like being inside the Shinigami's tummy?"

Hiruzen stared at her and wished he had his pipe in hand. He needed a puff; this was turning out to be very strange day indeed.

"I have no idea," he replied. "I woke up surrounded by mist and then it cleared so I came here."

"In that case, never mind," said the mother. "What is important is that you are no longer inside him."

Hiruzen froze in shock.

"No longer inside him?"

"And we are giving you an opportunity to continue living," continued the mother as if she hadn't heard him.

"Continue living?"

"You do want to be alive again, don't you?"

Hiruzen's eyes narrowed, making the wrinkles around them more pronounced.

"Of course, if such a thing is possible," he said. "But what's the catch?"

"It's all written here," said the daughter and held out a piece of paper. "In return for your second chance, you are to follow this list of instructions strictly so put it in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning. You will be the only one who can see this paper. Now read it aloud, please."

"Number 1," Hiruzen began. "I will step down as Hokage and allow a worthy successor to take my place."

He raised an eyebrow at the two females.

"You do know it was only because of the Fourth's unexpected death that I held the post again?"

"Yes, we do."

"Then you should know I am fine with this rule."

"Excellent! Continue reading, please."

Shaking his head, Hiruzen continued.

"Number 2: I will spend more time with the younger generation especially my own grandson Konohamaru."

He nodded and smiled.

"I agree. And since I will no longer be Hokage, I should have more time as well."

"Exactly!"

"Number 3: I will give up smoking. Wait - that's out of the question!"

"It's for your own good, you know."

"It's one of the few joys I have left in life!"

"But it's detrimental to your health!"

"Well, it's stressful being a Hokage!"

A second later, Hiruzen realised his mistake and scowled at the two females' triumphant grins.

"I agree to... smoke less," he finally said.

The daughter snatched back the piece of paper and started scribbling on it.

"No more than once a day," she said, sounding like a medic.

Hiruzen took back the paper, read the modified third rule and gave a loud sigh.

"This will be torture," he muttered.

"A small price to pay for being alive," reminded the mother. "Are there anymore rules?"

"Just a postscript," Hiruzen replied. "P/S: Do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret."

"Do you agree to all that?" asked the daughter eagerly.

Hiruzen pursed his lips and then he nodded.

"Very well." The daughter held out a hand with two little pink balls in it. "Take these two peach pills to heal your physical body of the sword wound left by Orochimaru and er... whatever that Shinigami did to you."

"Then off you go and enjoy your golden years with your beloved Village Hidden in the Leaves," added the mother with a big smile.

Hiruzen swallowed the pills and headed for the Exit door. He turned around and gave a short bow.

"The first thing I will do when I get back is pray for the souls of Hashirama, Tobirama and Minato," he promised. "Thank you for this opportunity."

o -

_Back on the roof of the stadium..._

Hiruzen opened his eyes to see a ring of familiar people staring down at him in stunned silence - Kurenai, Genma, Gai, Kakashi, Aoba, Ibiki and others. He looked around him. So the barrier had been taken down which meant Orochimaru and his men must have fled the village.

"Lord Hokage!"

"Milord, you're alive?! But how?"

"Thank the heavens, our Lord Hokage is alive!"

Seeing the shocked relief and growing smiles on those beloved faces, Hiruzen was even more thankful that this trying time wouldn't be exacerbated by a funeral - his own. He started to sit up and was immediately helped to his feet by a dozen hands.

"Yes, I am alive," he confirmed, "although I am not able to explain why. Starting tomorrow, there will be a big change, but for now, I want an account of what has happened so far."

\- o -

Back at the hut, the mother and daughter nodded at each other with satisfaction before peering at the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Oh, it's him next!"

"Yes. Such a lovely boy, I cried when he died."

"I did too, mother. Er... you won't be talking to him about babies, right?"

"Of course not, daughter! I don't think he even knows about the birds and the bees yet!"

"I think he does."

"Well, if he does, he's too young to do anything about it."

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading, we hope we did Hiruzen's character justice! Can you guess who's next? :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone and enjoy this next chapter :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episodes 213 (Vanished Memories) til 215 (A Past To Be Erased), and Shippuden Episode 71 (My Friend). The words in italics are taken directly from Episode 215.

 **Character:** Menma

\- Chapter Start -

Menma opened his eyes and looked around, puzzled.

Surely his one selfless act of saving that small village was nowhere near enough to put him in heaven?

On the other hand, this thick white mist surrounding him wasn't something he associated hell with. It didn't matter; he had to set off the explosives at the mine himself. There was no way he would let Naruto do that. Naruto had already risked enough as it was - finding him and caring for him, taking his side to the point of defying his friends - not to mention the Hokage herself - and then accompanying him on a mission to get back his memories.

Menma sighed and stood up. A part of him would have liked to live on to rectify as many wrongs as he could, but he had no right to demand anything. Not after the life he had led. Some might argue it wasn't his fault he had been brought up by Shiin and his gang, or that Shiin had turned to robbery and pillaging after his services as hired samurai weren't needed, but that was beside the point.

Genuine, heartfelt remorse just wasn't enough to make up for all the wrongs Menma had partaken in, nor was regret.

The mist started to clear, allowing him to see he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. Not knowing what else to do, he started towards it.

\- o -

At the polite knock on the door, both mother and daughter smiled.

"Come in."

The door opened and Menma walked in, looking around curiously. He saw the two females behind the counter and came closer.

"Hi, Menma!" said the daughter.

"Oh, you look even better in person than you did on screen!" said the mother.

Menma blinked in surprise.

"Have I met you two before?" he asked. "Who are you and where am I?"

"Don't trouble yourself with trivial matters," the daughter replied, waving an airy hand. "Just know that we are giving you an opportunity to continue living."

Menma's eyes widened in surprise.

"What? But that's not possible. I died in a mine explosion, my body must be... well, scattered all over the place in a hundred pieces."

Both the females blanched.

"Urgh. No! No, it isn't!" insisted the daughter at once. "We managed to cast a barrier around you at the very last second."

"What?! But how could you-"

"Never you mind the trivial matters. Your body has severe second degree burns, but it is quite intact," said the mother reassuringly.

"More on that later," added the daughter. "The important thing is, do you want to be alive again?"

Menma hesitated and then he shook his head.

"No," he said.

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter at the same time as they clutched at each other.

"Why ever not?!"

"You have to say yes!"

"That's what this entire series is for!"

Menma frowned.

"Series?"

Both females swung to him, looking wild eyed.

"Series? What series?" asked the daughter in a high pitched voice.

"Who said anything about a series?" asked the mother in a strained voice.

When they gave him identical forced grins, Menma decided this was one of those 'trivial matters' he wasn't supposed to know about.

"Er..."

"Just say you still want to live!"

"For as long as possible!"

"Until you're old enough to find a girlfriend!"

"And marry her and have lots and-"

"Mother!"

"You said the word girlfriend, daughter. I didn't!"

"I didn't mean right away."

"Neither did I."

Menma stared at them, forehead wrinkling in puzzlement. Hadn't he wished he could have lived a little longer to do more good in this world?

"Alright. I will."

"You will what?" demanded the daughter with narrowed eyes. "Get married and have lots and-"

"No - I mean, live for as long as possible," Menma clarified hastily.

"Very good! Here, take this," said the daughter, waving a piece of paper. "It's a list of instructions you are to follow strictly. You are to tape this paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning."

"Don't worry," added the mother, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Read it out aloud, please?"

Menma nodded.

"Number 1: I will make the Village Hidden in the Leaves my new home."

He looked up.

"Actually, I thought of going back to all the villages Shiin robbed and helping them first."

"In that case..." The daughter snatched the piece of paper, scribbled on it and handed it back to Menma.

"Read the first rule again," prompted the mother.

"Number 1: I will travel around helping other people, but I will visit Naruto and his friends at least twice a year."

Menma smiled and nodded.

"Number 2: If you happen to meet a boy called Sora who is from the Fire Temple and also knows Naruto, tell him to do the same."

He nodded, frowning a bit.

"The rest is a postscript."

"Very well then," replied the mother. "Daughter?"

The daughter had placed a large jar of little pink balls onto the counter. She took out one and held it out to him.

"Here, please swallow this peach pill for your burns."

Menma swallowed the pill.

"Good boy. Now, keep that list in a place where you can see it everyday and have a wonderful life doing good deeds, making new friends and taking good care of yourself."

"Oh, and find a nice girlfriend," added the mother.

"Only when you're old enough," said the daughter hastily.

"And marry her and have lots and lots of-"

"Thank you! Goodbye!" Menma gave a deep bow before quickly rushing out the Exit door.

\- o -

_The following evening,_ _Naruto sat_ _cross legged on a small hilltop near the Hokage's office. In front of him was_ _a small boulder on which lay Menma's repaired ocarina. He had a bowl of piping hot ramen in one hand and another on the grass before him._

_"Well, I promise you we'd eat this ramen together and I always keep my word!"_

_Unknown to him, Tsunade and Shizune were behind a nearby tree._

_"So do you really think he's going to be alright?" Shizune asked._

_"If I know Naruto, we only need to worry if he loses that appetite," Tsunade replied. "Over time he'll get past this on his own."_

_"But until then he'll probably think about losing his friend whenever he eats ramen," Shizune fretted._

_"And that's OK," Tsunade said calmly. "Bad memories stay with us forever. They even make us stronger. It's how we grow as people."_

A wind blew past them followed by the sound of footsteps. The two kunoichi spun around and when they saw who it was, their mouths dropped open.

Menma turned and saw them gaping at him. He smiled and bowed his head, but continued walking towards Naruto.

"Is that... a ghost..." Shizune faltered.

"I have no idea how, but I think it's really him," Tsunade replied, pointing to the visible shoe prints on the grass.

"Naruto."

Naruto spun around and the bowl of ramen in his hand went flying.

"M-Menma? Menma! I... I thought you were dead!"

"I thought so too, but I - er, I've been given an opportunity to do more good- ack!"

Naruto had leaped at Menma and caught him in a bone crushing hug, causing both of them to almost topple over.

"You idiot! You made me think you were dead! Neji and Tenten and I - we told Granny Tsunade you had died! Everyone in that village wanted to thank you for saving them from Shiin and his gang!"

"I'm sorry! Let go, I can't breathe..."

Naruto stepped back, dashing his sleeve across his eyes and then glaring at him.

"Is that all you've got to say?" he demanded.

"Yes. I'm really sorry though," Menma said and gave a hopeful smile. "Hey, were you eating ramen?"

Distracted, Naruto turned around.

"I was about to. I stopped by Ichiraku and old man Teuichi said the pickled bamboo was ready so I got two bowls..." he broke off when he saw his upturned bowl lying a few feet away, blue eyes widening in dismay.

"Oh no! And I never even got to try the pickled bamboo!"

Shoulders slumping, he went to pick up the other bowl and held it out towards Menma.

"Here you go, you enjoy it."

Menma looked up from the bowl to Naruto.

"But what about you?"

Naruto forced a smile. "Hey, don't worry about me! I can always go pick some more bamboo!"

Menma's expression softened. He took the bowl from Naruto, sat cross legged on the ground and then patted the grass in front of him.

"I have a better idea, Naruto. Why don't we just share this bowl of ramen together?"

"What? Are you sure? Alright then!"

Tsunade and Shizune watched them, smiling at their happy faces and exclamations of how good everything tasted.

"Now I'm hungry too!" Shizune moaned, rubbing her stomach.

"Tell you what, let's go to Ichiraku and see if there's anymore of that bamboo," Tsunade suggested.

"Are you sure, Lady Tsunade? You still have a lot of reports - oh, never mind, I think we both deserve a break."

The two kunoichi made their way down the hill.

"On second thought, Shizune..."

"No, Lady Tsunade. You said ramen so-"

"Let's go for sake instead!"

"AIIIEEEEEE!"

\- o -

_Back at the hut..._

As the door slammed shut behind Menma, the mother blinked.

"Well, he sure seemed in a hurry to leave," she observed.

"That's because you scared him with all that talk of babies!" the daughter huffed. She propped her chin on her hand and sighed.

"What's the matter, daughter?"

"We could've cast a stronger barrier around Menma when he was in the mines, mother."

"Yes, we could have."

"So why didn't we?"

"Because then, he wouldn't have died!"

The daughter blinked.

"His soul wouldn't have appeared here!"

The daughter blinked again.

"And we wouldn't have been able to give him our instructions!"

The daughter frowned at that.

"But he was already doing good deeds!"

"But then he wouldn't have gotten to know us!"

The daughter nodded.

"I guess you're right," she said. "So who's next?"

Both females looked at the paper taped to the counter.

"We're finally at Shippuden!" exclaimed the mother.

"Yes, we are!" said the daughter excitedly. "And you know who is the next character, right?"

They looked at each other and started squealing.

"Finally! Let's keep him here with us!"

"I don't think we can do that, mother."

"Well, let's keep him here for as long as we can!"

"I don't think we can do that either."

"Why not? We hold all the cards in this space."

"Because he doesn't need our help in getting back."

"Oh. Right." The mother leaned forward until her forehead thumped on the counter.

"Fine," she mumbled. "We'll keep him here for as long as possible."

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who's next, please tell us! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 17 (The Death of Gaara)  & 31 (The Legacy).

 **Character:** Gaara

\- Chapter Start -

Gaara opened his eyes and looked around, seeing nothing but thick white mist.

Where was he?

He remembered battling that blond Akatsuki ninja with the explosive clay over his beloved Sand Village before everything went black. He remembered waking up in a dark cave to the unbelievable pain of having Shukaku forcibly extracted from his body... and then nothing.

Pressing a hand to his chest, Gaara's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't feel Shukaku inside him anymore!

Had they managed to extract him completely?

Did that mean he, Gaara, was now... dead?

Just when all his hard work over the past two years were starting to pay off.

Just when his people were starting to respect and believe in him.

Just when he felt he could atone for all his past sins at last.

Dead.

A mirthless smile twisted Gaara's lips. He had known firsthand life wasn't fair and now... it was over.

Damnit, he didn't want it to be over! There were still so many things he wanted to achieve in his life, but the very silence around him seemed to mock that thought. He dipped his head and closed his eyes.

"Kankuro. Temari. Baki. I leave the future of our Sand Village in your hands now. Thank you for all your support."

He swallowed.

"Naruto. I wish I could have said goodbye to you in person. Perhaps even shaken your hand. I have mentioned to a few people how a leaf shinobi once told me I could change the path my life would follow. You were right. Thank you for being my friend."

Opening his eyes, Gaara found the mist clearing. He was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He started for it, wondering what he would find there.

\- o -

The single knock on the door made the mother and daughter squeal in excitement.

"Come in!"

The door opened to reveal the young Kazekage, hands folded across his chest in his usual stance.

"It _is_ Gaara!"

"Come in, love! Come innnnnn!"

Gaara blinked and took a tentative step inside, looking around him.

"Is this... Hell?" he asked.

Both females gasped.

"Hell?" The daughter squeaked in disbelief.

"No, of course not!" The mother declared.

"Then where am I? And who are you?"

"Never you mind that," the mother said hastily.

"But you could," the daughter whispered, "mind, I mean."

"Just come a little closer, love," the mother said, her fingers twitching.

Gaara took wary notice of that as he stepped closer.

"So if this isn't Hell, then-"

"Closer, please!" trilled the mother, her fingers still twitching. "Just... a little... closer..."

Gaara stopped walking at once.

"Mother!" hissed the daughter, "you're scaring him."

The mother blinked and quickly hid her hands below the counter.

"Sorry."

The daughter shook her head and turned to Gaara.

"Never mind her," she said. "What is important is that we are giving you an opportunity to continue living."

"Daughter!" hissed the mother. "You're confusing him."

The daughter sighed.

"Sorry. I forgot we have nothing to do with that."

Gaara frowned.

"Nothing to do with what?" he asked.

"Never mind her," said the mother hastily. "Just pull up a chair and sit down, love. You're going to be here for a little while."

Gaara glanced behind him to see a chair materialising. He sat down and realised something.

"Wait, my gourd of sand is missing."

"Don't worry, you won't need it here," said the daughter kindly.

"I see."

Silence fell as Gaara stared at them and they stared right back at him.

"So," he finally said, "I am dead, right?"

"For now," said the mother in a careful voice.

"What does that mean?"

Both females sighed.

"It means you won't be staying here long," mumbled the daughter.

"Because you're getting another chance to live," muttered the mother.

Gaara's eyes widened and he smiled a bit before he could stop himself. Then he frowned again.

"And that does not please either of you?" he asked.

The mother and daughter gasped again.

"Oh no! That's not what we meant!"

"No indeed! We're happy-"

"Thrilled-"

"Pleased as punch-"

"Ecstatic-"

"- that you get to be alive again!"

"We cried buckets when you died!"

They nodded frantically at him.

Gaara stared at them.

"You were there? In that cave?" he asked.

Perhaps they were Akatsuki members too, although seeing as how they were still nodding away, he thought it was doubtful. Maybe they were at the bottom of the waiting list.

"No, we weren't there," admitted the mother. "But we know what happened."

"And what will happen," whispered the daughter.

"Anyway," said the mother, "just wait here for a while. You'll be with your people again very soon."

"In the meantime, have a cookie," offered the daughter.

Gaara looked down at the plate of chocolate chip cookies and shook his head.

"How about a waffle?"

Gaara barely glanced at the plate of waffles before shaking his head again.

"Broiled gizzards?"

Gaara's eyes lit up. He leaned forward, but instinct made him look up to see the two females jumping to their feet, twenty twitching fingers reaching for him. He jerked backwards just in time.

"Ack!"

"Gah!"

"No. Thank you," he said, looking in mild surprise at the two females now draped face down over the counter.

At that moment, the Exit door swung open.

"Ah, I believe that is my cue to leave," Gaara said. He got up with alacrity, walked to the door and then paused to look over his shoulder. "Thank you for your help."

The two females sat up and rubbed their foreheads, pouting.

"But we didn't do anything," said the daughter in a plaintive voice.

"You got _that_ right," the mother sighed. "Take good care of yourself, love."

"Don't forget us," added the daughter.

"And don't flatten your gorgeous hair. Always leave it looking a bit messy, alright?"

"And smile more!"

"I will try."

Still feeling a bit perplexed, Gaara gave a short bow and left.

\- o -

_Somewhere in a forest clearing..._

_"Gaara!"_

_Who is that?_ _Who's... who's calling me? Who is it?_

_Gaara found himself staring at a hand._

_This hand. Oh, it's just my hand again. My hand. Me._ _Who am I? I... I am..._

_A hand clapped him on the shoulder and he turned his head._

_"Gaara," said Naruto_ _Uzumaki. He was smiling, but his blue eyes were moist._

_\- o -_

As the door closed behind their latest visitor, both females slumped dejectedly in their seats.

"We didn't get to touch him," complained the mother. "Not even once!"

"Oh well," sighed the daughter. "He didn't need us to rescue him unlike the other characters."

"But we didn't get to touch his hair," wailed the mother. "His lovely, lovely red hair! And he was _right here_."

"He also knew we were up to something," said the daughter, eyeing the plate of gizzards with distaste.

"He was... so... close..."

"Cheer up, mother. Haku's hair is lovely too, but you don't regret not touching it, do you?"

"Actually, I do, come to think of it."

"And Zabuza's?"

The mother blanched and shook her head.

"And Hayate's?"

"That would've been nice."

"And the third Hokage's?"

"No, daughter. Just... no."

"And Menma's?"

"Oh yes, that would've been nice too."

They both sighed again and then looked at the paper taped on the counter.

"Oh, it's _him_ next," said the mother and rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you want to rescue him, daughter?"

"Yes, mother."

"But he's evil!"

"We'll find a way around that."

"And his body is in... well, parts!"

"We'll find a way around that too."

The mother pouted.

"He had a very sad childhood, remember?" asked the daughter. "And his hair is red too," she added with a sly smile.

"It's a washed out red compared to the gorgeous, vibrant hue of Gaara's hair," sniffed the mother.

"You're biased."

"So are you."

"Fine. Can we still rescue this next person?"

"Oh, very well."

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who's next so please tell us! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy the next character's revival :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episode 27 (Impossible Dream).

**Character:** Sasori

\- Chapter Start -

A pair of wide grey brown eyes blinked open. Sasori sat up and stared at the thick mist all around him.

So... this was Hell; not quite what he was expecting. No point in regretting his death though. He could have continued to evade Chiyo - the old hag was at the end of her tether after giving that girl the last antidote - but he had chosen to let down his defense at the last second, something he was sure Chiyo also knew.

Whatever, it had been an eventful thirty five years.

Lifting his hands, Sasori studied them with detached curiosity and then touched his face. He was no longer an incomplete puppet with a human core. He was human again. Logical since it was his spirit that ended up here.

He looked around and found the mist clearing at last. He was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance and started for it, feeling neither trepidation nor anticipation.

\- o -

At the double knock on the door, the mother and daughter exchanged looks before turning to the door with serious expressions.

"Come in."

Sasori opened the door and walked in, looking around before he regarded the two females sitting behind the counter.

"Where is this place?" he asked.

The mother gave a heavy sigh.

"Hello to you too. We would like to say this is Hell, but it's actually a... well, never mind."

"What is important," chirped the daughter, "is that you are being given a second chance to live."

"Against my better judgement, I might add," said the mother through gritted teeth over which a false smile was pasted. "And mousy red hair, just likes I said," she muttered under her breath.

Sasori blinked. He held up a hand and wriggled his fingers tentatively. No chakra threads. Too bad.

"Why?" he asked.

The mother's right eye twitched and then she swung to the daughter.

"See, I told you this was a bad idea," she hissed.

The daughter gave a sheepish grin and cleared her throat before turning to Sasori.

"We decided you drew the short end of the stick," she said with a kind smile. "You lost your parents when you were five."

"So did a lot of other people," added the mother.

Sasori folded his arms across his chest.

"So?" he drawled.

The daughter's left eye twitched.

"Never mind. Point is, we said we're going to send you back and that's just what we're going to do. Now come here!"

Lifting a hand, she crooked her index finger at him. To his surprise, Sasori found himself walking towards the counter, the door closing behind him. It felt... strange... almost as if he were being controlled.

Was this what his puppets felt like?

Were these two females puppet masters as well?

As soon as he reached the counter, the daughter held out a piece of paper.

"In return for your second chance, you are to follow this list of instructions strictly. Tape this in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning. You are the only one who can see this paper, by the way. Now, read it out aloud."

Sasori shrugged.

"Number 1: I can be a puppet master, but I will not experiment on human puppets anymore."

He looked up at them, eyes narrowed.

"That's no fun."

"But a must. Continue, please," said the daughter.

"Number 2: Spend more time with your grandmother. She loves you very much. Your granduncle too."

Sasori sighed.

"Those two fossils? You can't be serious."

"They're your family!" hissed the mother, glaring at him.

"Show some respect!" added the daughter, glaring as well.

Sasori blinked at them, completely unmoved.

"But I feel nothing for them," he pointed out.

Both the mother and daughter face palmed themselves.

"Continue reading," the daughter mumbled.

Sasori shrugged and looked down at the paper.

"Number 3: Ignore any strange looks or comments the people of your village give you. They have their reasons."

He looked up again, eyes flashing.

"Reasons, huh? I'll give them reasons!"

"Continue, please," said the daughter in a sing song voice.

"P/S: Do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret."

Sasori read out the last line and stared at the two females who stared back in an expectant manner.

"Well? Do you agree to all the rules?" asked the mother as if the answer was obvious.

Sasori thought about it for a minute. He had been prepared for death, but now that he had been given the chance to live again...

"Alright," he replied with a sly smile.

"Great!" declared the mother.

"Into the chamber, please," said the daughter, gesturing to what looked like a round shower cubicle on one side of the counter, its walls made of thick glass.

Sasori eyed it suspiciously.

"Why?"

The daughter gave him a sunny smile.

"Oh, didn't we tell you? You're going back as a sixteen year old boy."

"What?!"

"Don't forget, you have done much wrong in this life," said the mother sternly. "We are giving you a chance to live a new life and do good, not evil."

"And that means," continued the daughter, "no more human puppets and no more Akatsuki."

Sasori was silent. He He vaguely remembered some happy memories with Chiyo after his parents died before he started becoming obsessed with his puppets.

"Fine," he agreed and walked towards the chamber. The door opened and he stepped inside and turned around. The identical grins on the two females' faces left a strange feeling in his stomach. Having not felt anything for a long time, it took a moment or two to realise it was unease.

"By the way," said the daughter with an angelic smile, "we'll be wiping your memories. Can't have you recalling your evil deeds now, can we?"

Sasori's eyes widened in shock, but it was too late. The door closed and he stared at the two smiling females behind the counter, hands pressed against the glass as white smoke started to surround him.

\- o -

The mother and daughter stared at the smoke filled capsule and the multi coloured lights flashing across the top.

"Did you set it correctly?" asked the mother, looking a bit nervous.

"Of course," chirped the daughter, "piece of cake!"

After a minute, the lights dimmed and the glass door opened. Smoke wafted out followed by a naked baby with tufts of ginger hair.

"AAAIIIEEE! Too young!" shrieked the mother and daughter. They leaped over the counter, scooped up the cooing baby and deposited him back inside the chamber. Leaning over the counter, the daughter jabbed at a button filled panel.

The chamber door closed and the lights above it started flashing again. When it stopped, the glass door opened, more smoke wafted out and a middle aged, balding man emerged, blinking owlishly at them.

"Where am-"

"AAAIIIEEE! Too old!"

The bewildered man was ushered back into the chamber and once more, the daughter jabbed at the panel.

"This should be correct," she said anxiously. "Whatever happens, please don't let him come out as a llama," she whispered to herself.

Her prayers were answered. When the door next opened, a sixteen year old Sasori came out and looked around.

"Where am I?"

"Do you know your name?" asked the mother, not daring to breathe.

"Sasori."

"And where do you come from?" asked the daughter, not breathing either.

"The Village Hidden in the Sands."

Both females gulped in air, crawled back over the counter and collapsed in their seats in relief.

"It worked!" They cheered.

"What worked?"

"Never you mind. Off you go now and mind you follow the instructions in that piece of paper in your hand," the daughter added, pointing to the Exit door.

Still looking baffled, Sasori glanced at the paper and went to the door.

"Thank you... I think," he said and left.

\- o -

Once the Exit door closed, the mother and daughter exchanged shaky smiles, weak kneed with relief.

"Thank heavens he's dealt with," said the daughter.

"I vote we don't revive anymore villains," mumbled the mother, not noticing the daughter humming and smiling to herself.

"Shall we see who's next on the list?" the latter asked brightly.

They both peered at the piece of paper taped on the counter.

"It's her," said the daughter.

"What perfect timing," added the mother.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! We're trying to go chronologically according to the anime episodes so can you guess who's next? :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Notes:** Hello again everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 9 (The Jinchuriki's Tears) til 31 (The Legacy).

 **Character:** Lady Chiyo

\- Chapter Start -

A pair of dark eyes opened and looked around and then they narrowed, deepening the wrinkles surrounding them.

"Hmph," Chiyo muttered as she sat up. She had done it. She had succeeded in bringing Gaara back to life... which of course meant she herself was dead.

"That's what comes of hanging around those young Leaf ninja too much."

She didn't sound displeased, not even to her own ears. In fact, there was a tiny smile on her lips when those young faces - so familiar to her after such a short time - flitted through her mind. So much for her censuring words to Baki earlier on.

_"Instead of trusting and depending on the Leaf to come to our rescue, we should concentrate on training our own people to take care of themselves."_

_"They are they and we are we, and no alliance will change that."_

She had learned so much from a village she never trusted. After teaming up with Sakura to battle Sasori, she felt like Sakura could be her own granddaughter. A strong willed kunoichi, a talented medical ninja, and caring as well.

As for that Naruto, Chiyo didn't mind him calling her granny, not at all. He was outspoken to the point of being rude, but everything he said and did came straight from the heart whether they were tears or words. And his words had hit home pretty hard.

Even Kakashi, the son of the man who had killed her own son, had proved a trustworthy ally. He was the one who had told her about Naruto's affinity with his fellow Jinchuriki, Gaara. And of course, that was how she had ended up here.

"Hmph," she said again and got to her feet, dusting off her robes. They couldn't claim sole credit for her last action though. She had already made up her mind to bring Gaara back from the dead. It wasn't like she would survive Sasori's poison, not after giving that last antidote to Sakura.

And really, who better to receive her gift of life than the young Kazekage of the Sand?

It was the least she could do for Gaara after sealing the One Tail inside him. He had grown so much these past couple of years. Chiyo and Ebizo had distanced themselves from the goings on in their village, but they had still heard about his achievements and knew how much hard work they had entailed.

The future of the Sand and the Leaf would be a much brighter one with Naruto and Gaara around. Chiyo's only regret was not saying goodbye to Ebizo. At least he was finally spared her favourite 'I was just playing possum!' pranks. His remaining years would be lonely, but not hers; she would be reunited with her son, daughter-in-law and hopefully, Sasori as well. No longer puppets, but real people. Or at least, real souls.

The mist started to clear and Chiyo saw she was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. She walked towards it without hesitation.

\- o -

At the no nonsense knock on the door, the mother and daughter straightened up in their seats.

"Come in."

The door opened and Chiyo walked in. She took in the whole room at a glance, eyes narrowing at the two females behind the counter.

"Welcome, Lady Chiyo," said the mother, bowing her head.

"Hi, Granny Chiyo!" chirped the daughter.

"So you two were expecting me?"

"Yes. We know of the sacrifice you made to end up here."

"Do you know I also killed my own grandson?" Chiyo asked with one raised eyebrow, her voice steady.

"His own choice," replied the daughter, shrugging. "But enough of that, Granny. We are giving you an opportunity to continue living."

Chiyo's eyes widened in surprise.

"How? Using a forbidden jutsu?" she asked in a sharp voice. "I've had enough of them!"

"Oh, no," the mother protested. "It's not forbidden!"

"It's not even a jutsu," added the daughter. "The only thing you need to do is tell us - do you want to be alive again?"

Chiyo stared at them, eyes narrowed to wrinkled slits.

"If I say yes," she said slowly, "would it negate what I did for Gaara? You do know who he is?"

"Of course we know," declared the daughter with a wide smile.

"He's the Kazekage," added the mother with an even wider smile, "Young, strong, elite, talented and utterly gorge-"

"Yes, yes, he's all that," interrupted the daughter hastily, jerking her head at Chiyo with a meaningful look.

The mother coughed and cleared her throat.

"Rest assured, Gaara's life will not be forfeited if you go back."

"We wouldn't offer you this chance otherwise," assured the daughter. "Uhm, no offense meant."

Chiyo shook her head absently. She was silent for a long moment and then she sighed.

"Thank you, but no."

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter at the same time as they clutched at each other.

"Why not?"

"Think of Lord Ebizo, your brother! He must be heartbroken!"

"Or waiting for me to wake up?" asked Chiyo with an unforgivably crafty smirk. She chuckled a bit to herself. "Fun times, fun times."

Both mother and daughter sweatdropped.

"Oh well, it can't be helped," Chiyo admitted, "but he will survive, he's strong."

Then she sighed, her shoulders drooping.

"The thing is, I have done many things in my life that I'm not proud of. If Sasori were still alive, I might consider, but-"

The two females behind the counter turned to grin at each other before turning their grins on Chiyo.

"But he _is_ alive!" crowed the mother with the unmistakable air of pulling a rabbit from a hat.

"What?!"

"So you have to say yes!" added the daughter.

"But how is he still alive? I saw him die with my own eyes in that cave!"

The mother and daughter exchanged conspiratorial glances and leaned forward.

"Well, you see," whispered the mother, "we brought him back."

"Yup. We thought he deserved a second chance," whispered the daughter.

"Eh?" Chiyo squinted at them with her head tipped to one side.

Both mother and daughter nodded in unison, still grinning.

"Oh well," said Chiyo and smiled. "He will need someone to keep an eye on him then. Alright, I will go back."

"Yay, that's great!" cheered the mother.

"Right on, Granny!" cheered the daughter.

"But how did the two of you bring him back if you didn't use a jutsu?"

"We gave him back his human body and wiped his memories," explained the daughter blithely.

"You did? But how is that-"

"Moving on!" cried the mother and waved a piece of paper at Chiyo.

"Here's a list of instructions you are to follow strictly," she said, speaking quickly. "You are to tape this paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning."

"Don't worry," added the daughter, speaking just as quickly, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please?"

"Hmph! Number 1: I will spend more time with Sasori and keep an eye on him so he doesn't create anymore human puppets."

Chiyo looked up.

"Easier said than done," she said grimly and then frowned. "Wait - didn't you say you wiped his memories?"

"Yes, we did," replied the mother. "He knows his name and he still has his puppetry skills, but that's about it."

"And he's sixteen now," added the daughter.

"Sixteen, eh?" Chiyo muttered. "This might work out after all."

"We think so too. Continue reading, please."

"Very well. Number 2: I will do my part to improve relations between the Hidden Sand and the other allied villages."

She pursed her lips at that, but nodded.

"Number 3: I will pass down my puppetry skills such as 'White Secret Technique: The Chikamatsu Collection of Ten Puppets' to other puppet masters of the Sand."

"Yes, that is a good idea," she said. "Most of those puppets were destroyed in the battle, but I can build new ones and Sasori can help me. It would be a shame if my skills died along with me. I have always believed the Sand should rely first and foremost on themselves."

"Number 4: I will also pass down my medical knowledge to the medics of the Sand."

Looking up. she raised an eyebrow at the mother and daughter.

"Even the reanimation jutsu?" she asked and burst out cackling at their horrified expressions. "Just kidding!"

They both sagged in their seats, smiling weakly while Chiyo cackled away to her heart's content... which took some time.

"Very well then," said the mother finally. "Daughter?"

The daughter had placed a large jar of little pink balls onto the counter. She took out two and held them out.

"These are peach pills, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. One is to neutralise Sasori's poison and the other is to restore the chakra you used to revive Gaara. Please take them now."

Chiyo studied them closely.

"Peach pills, eh?" she muttered. "I don't suppose you will give a few extra to an old bag of bones like me?"

"Sorry, Granny Chiyo, we can't do that," apologised the daughter.

"I thought not," sighed Chiyo and swallowed the pills.

"Don't forget to keep that list in a place where you can see it everyday," reminded the mother. "Enjoy the rest of your life with Lord Ebizo and Sasori."

"I will. My son and daughter-in-law will just have wait a little longer for me," said Chiyo as she went to the Exit door. "I think I'll get Gaara to invite Sakura and Naruto to visit the Sand more often. Kakashi can come too."

She paused to look back over her shoulder.

"Thank you for your help. Bye now."

\- o -

_Back at that forest clearing..._

Gaara and Naruto went to stand in front of Chiyo who was still in Sakura's embrace.

"Everyone, pray for Lady Chiyo and bid her farewell," said Gaara, closing his eyes and bowing his head.

Everyone followed suit and bowed their heads in prayer.

And then it happened - Chiyo opened her eyes.

"Don't write me off just yet, young Kazekage," she said.

The open mouthed shock on his and Naruto's faces made her want to cackle out loud, but she didn't. She took in the tears still running down Sakura's face and then looked up at Ebizo.

"I was just playing possum, brother," she said softly.

"I'm very glad to know that, sis," Ebizo replied.

\- o -

The Kazekage's return to the Sand Village was a triumphant one, unmarred by a single casualty. Coming in sight of the huge crowd awaiting Gaara's return was as heartwarming as hearing the loud cheers they made.

Chiyo's heart beat faster as she was swept inside the village by the smiling and laughing crowd. She looked all around, but there was no glimpse of Sasori anywhere.

"Who are you looking for, sis?" Ebizo wanted to know.

"You will find out soon enough," Chiyo replied and wouldn't say anything more, just like how she had refused to divulge the secret behind her return from the dead.

It wasn't until they approached their home that the two Honourable Siblings saw the red haired teen sitting on their doorstep.

"Sasori," Chiyo said softly, a thousand memories rushing through her mind at that familiar face with the wide grey brown eyes. She pushed away the most recent ones - battling him in that cave. Those memories wouldn't do anyone any good.

"B-but how can this be?" Ebizo asked, his heavy eyebrows well lifted.

"Just a miracle," Chiyo said with a smile. "He doesn't remember his past so we'll be looking after him, Ebizo."

Ebizo nodded, taking everything in his stride as he usually did.

"And I will make sure he gains and keeps the respect of our Village, just like Gaara has," she promised.

Sasori stood up at their approach, his gaze moving uncertainly between them.

"Hello," he said. "My name is Sasori. I don't remember much of my past, but this place... and you two... feel familiar to me."

Ebizo reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.

"That is because this will be your home from now on," he said.

Chiyo placed her hand on Sasori's other shoulder and smiled at him.

"And we will be your family. Let's go inside."

\- o -

The mother and daughter stared at the Exit door as it closed.

"Well, that went better than I expected," remarked the mother.

"She's quite a character," agreed the daughter. "Oh, I think I know who's next!"

They both bent over the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Yup, it's him," said the daughter with a smile.

"A very good man to rescue from the dratted Akatsuki," said the mother.

"Er, you won't mention anything about marriage and babies to him, will you, mother?"

"Goodness, no, I wouldn't dare! They don't apply to him, do they?"

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure Chiyo must have been married at some point, but i don't think her husband was ever mentioned. If you know, please drop us a line. And I'm sure you can guess who's next so please tell us! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episode 73 (Akatsuki's Invasion).

**Character:** Chiriku

\- Chapter Start -

A pair of dark eyes opened and looked around, seeing nothing but thick white mist. Chiriku frowned and sat up, taking another careful look around him.

"This must be the afterlife... which means I am dead," he told himself. Even his mastery of the _Welcoming Approach: Thousand-Armed Murder_ technique was insufficient to fend off those two Akatsuki. Their souls were as dark as the nature of their jutsu.

Shaking his head, Chiriku stood up. He was a monk; he did not fear death nor what awaited him in the afterlife. There were only two things he regretted. No... three. One was not being able to guide Sora anymore once the boy returned from his travels. Another was not being able to safeguard the Fire Temple and his fellow monks. The third was not seeing his old friend Asuma one last time.

Regrets at this time however, was futile.

"Such is life," Chiriku reminded himself. The mist started to clear, allowing him to see he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He walked towards it without hesitation.

It was time to let go of all earthly desires and regrets.

\- o -

At the double knock on the door, both the mother and daughter straightened up in their seats and adopted solemn expressions, folded hands resting on the counter.

"Please come in."

The door opened and Chiriku walked in. He took a quick look around before walking up to the two females behind the counter.

"I am Chiriku of the Fire Temple," he introduced himself.

"We know who you are. Welcome!" replied the daughter, bowing her head.

"And how are you today?" asked the mother with a polite smile.

"Mother," hissed the daughter in a loud whisper. "What sort of question is that? He's dead!"

"Oops. So he is!" Flustered, the mother bowed to Chiriku. "I mean... so you are. Sorry!"

"That is alright," Chiriku replied calmly. "It is my fate and I have accepted it."

He blinked when the two females shook their heads at him.

"No! It's not your fate!"

"And you shouldn't accept it!"

"Why not?" Chiriku asked only to realise they weren't listening to him anymore.

"Do you know," said the mother in a loud whisper, "his eyebrows are thick and dark, but somehow they look good on him."

"I know, right?" replied the daughter eagerly. "I think it's because they're nicely shaped, not like those black caterpillars perched on Might Gai and Rock Lee's faces!"

The mother nodded, sneaking another glance at a puzzled looking Chiriku.

"Very shapely," she agreed with a smile.

"They make him look quite distinguished," added the daughter, also sneaking another glance at Chiriku whose said eyebrows were now descending into a frown.

"What is this place?" he asked suspiciously. "And who are you two?"

Both females jumped and gave guilty smiles.

"Oh! Never you mind where this place is," trilled the mother.

"Or who we are," trilled the daughter. "What is important is that you are being given a second chance to live."

Those shapely and impressive eyebrows drew even closer together.

"But I am dead."

"For now," said mother. "All you have to do is tell us you want to be alive again."

"Why would I do that?"

The two females looked at each other and then back at him.

"Don't you still have things left to accomplish?" prompted the mother.

"That is beside the point since I am already dead."

They looked at each other again and sighed.

"He's not going to make this easy for us, is he, mother?"

"No, he isn't. And I don't think any amount of waffles or cupcakes is going to help, daughter."

They both sighed again, their shoulders drooping.

"Actually..."

Their heads snapped up.

"Yes?"

"Yes?"

Chiriku gave a tiny cough.

"I was responsible for Sora, the young monk-in-training I was looking after. He is supposed to return to the Fire Temple after his travels. The other monks... do not trust him."

The mother and daughter exchanged regretful looks.

"I think the Fire Temple has been... destroyed," explained the mother in an apologetic voice.

"And all the monks are dead save for a few who were away at the time," added the daughter in the same voice.

Chiriku pressed his lips together, his eyes flashing angrily. Then he bowed his head.

"May their souls rest in peace," he murmured and then he looked up. "Wait! Is it possible to also revive-"

"Back to Sora!" interrupted the mother loudly. "You worry about him, right?"

"Yes."

"Lovely boy," the mother added with a big smile. "A bit of an attitude, but his heart's in the right place."

"He's cute too!" added the daughter with an equally big smile. "Love his hair."

Chiriku's right eye twitched.

"As I mentioned before, Sora is a monk-in-training," he admonished in a stern voice. "That means no-"

"Moving on!" interrupted the mother again. "You haven't seen your friend Asuma for a long time, right?"

Chiriku pressed his lips together again and gave a tight smile.

"Yes, I do miss Asuma," he admitted. "Very well, I choose to go back."

"Excellent!" cried the mother.

The daughter whipped out a piece of paper and waved it at Chiriku like a flag.

"Here's a list of instructions you are to follow strictly. You are to tape this paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning. You are the only one who can see this paper. Please, read it out aloud."

Chiriku looked down at the paper.

"Number 1: I will rebuild the Fire Temple," he read and nodded. "I plan to and will get help from neighbouring temples."

"Great idea!" said the daughter.

"Number 2: I will accept promising monks to the new Fire Temple and pass on my skills to them."

"Number 3: I will continue to guide Sora when he returns. P/S: Do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret."

Chiriku looked at the back of the paper and then at the two females.

"That is all that is written. I agree to all of them."

"Doesn't sound like a very interesting list, does it, mother?" asked the daughter, frowning.

"Indeed it doesn't," agreed the mother and turned to Chiriku.

"Have you ever thought about leading a different life? Doing something new?"

Chiriku frowned.

"Like what?" he asked as if there was no other occupation in the world save for being a ninja monk.

"You don't wanna know," mumbled the daughter.

"Why, like getting married and having lots and lots of babies, of course!" declared the mother with a huge, blinding grin.

"Mother!" cried the daughter, covering her face with her hands. "He's a monk! He's _the_ Head Monk of the Fire Temple!"

"Which has since been destroyed."

"But we told him to rebuild it!"

"Fine," grumbled the mother.

"Come to think of it, getting married isn't such a bad idea," said Chiriku, tapping a thoughtful finger against his chin.

"AAAIIIEEE!" shrieked the daughter as she clutched at her hair.

"That's the spirit, Chiriku!" cheered the mother even though she looked somewhat surprised. "You've been a monk long enough. Yes, go find yourself a pretty-"

"After all," continued Chiriku as if he hasn't heard them, "I haven't seen my good friend Asuma for some time."

"Ooh, good idea!" said the mother. "You should totally visit him. After all, the Leaf Village has many sweet young-"

"I will use this second chance to confess my true feelings for him."

The mother and daughter gaped at him before turning to gape at each other. Then they turned back to Chiriku.

"You and... _Asuma-sensei?_ " asked the daughter in a faint voice.

"The two of us go way back," Chiriku said without blinking an eye.

"But what about _Kurenai-sensei?_ " protested the mother. "She's his-"

"I was joking," Chiriku interrupted with no change of expression.

They stared at him, their right eyes twitching.

"I was joking," Chiriku repeated.

"Gah!" They sagged in their seats while Chiriku surveyed them with a faint smirk on his face.

"Asuma and I are like brothers," he said. "If he has someone special in his life then I am happy for him."

"That's good to know," said the mother and waved a weak hand.

In the meantime, the daughter had heaved a big glass jar of little pink balls onto the counter.

"Here you go," she said, holding out one of them. "Take this peach pill to heal your physical body of the wounds left by those two Akatsuki."

Chiriku raised an eyebrow, but swallowed the pill.

"Then off you go to rebuild your Fire Temple," said the mother.

"But what will happen to those two evil assassins?" Chiriku wanted to know.

"Not to worry, they will get their just desserts," promised the mother and cracked her knuckles with a grim smile.

"Thanks for stopping by!" added the daughter, pointing to the Exit door which swung open.

Chiriku went to the door and paused to give a short bow.

"I will not waste this opportunity. Thank you."

The mother and daughter stared at the Exit door as it closed behind him.

"Well, who'd have thought he had a sense of humour?" remarked the mother.

"I know! He almost gave me a heart attack when he said that he and Asuma..." the daughter trailed off and shook her head.

Smiling, the mother glanced at the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Speaking of who's next," she said with a grin.

"You're going to give him your usual spiel about marriage and babies, aren't you, mother?" asked the daughter in a resigned voice.

"Of course! He's not likely to say no, is he?"

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you know who we mean so tell us! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 74 (Under the Starry Sky) til 80 (Last Words).

**Character:** Asuma Sarutobi

\- Chapter Start -

Asuma opened his eyes and found himself surrounded by thick white mist.

So this was the afterlife. He hadn't expected to come here so soon despite his hazardous life as an active shinobi with a bounty of thirty five million Ryo on his head. It was his own fault for underestimating that psychotic Akatsuki, Hidan, particularly his immortality.

At least he got to say a few last words to Ino, Choji and Shikamaru... but not the one person he treasured above all else.

_Kurenai, I'm sorry to leave you like this especially when you're carrying our child._

It was too late though. There was nothing Asuma could do now about the life and the people he had left behind, including his father who had managed to outlive his wife and both his sons.

With a regretful sigh, Asuma got up and slid a hand into his pouch. It was empty. Yes, he had already had a last smoke but well, it couldn't do any harm here, could it?

The mist started to clear. Looking around, he saw he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. With nothing else to do, he started for it.

\- o -

At the double knock on the door, both the mother and daughter sat up straighter and smiled.

"Come in."

The door opened and Asuma stood there, looking around curiously. He saw the two females behind the counter and walked in.

"Hi, Asuma-sensei!" chirped the daughter.

"It's nice to meet you," beamed the mother. "My, you _are_ tall!"

Asuma gave a cautious nod.

"Since you already know who I am, what happens next?" he asked.

The mother folded her hands on the counter.

"Well, that depends on you," she said mysteriously.

"Huh?"

"We're giving you an opportunity to continue living," said the daughter. "Will you take it?"

Asuma's eyes widened in surprise.

"You can do that? Of course I'd take it! But why?"

"Because you're a good guy!"

"And you're too young to die!"

"You're a jonin of the Leaf! There aren't many of those left!"

"You were one of the Twelve Guardian Ninja!"

"And you got Kurenai Yuhi pregnant, in case you've forgotten!"

"And without marrying her too, you naughty man!"

"Kurenai-sensei will be heartbroken when she finds out!"

"Ino, Shikamaru and Choji are heartbroken already!"

"Yes! Team Asuma can't be without their leader!"

Asuma blinked at them, taken aback by the barrage of accusations. The he gave a sheepish grin, one hand going up to rub the back of his head.

"Yeah, well, I underestimated that Akatsuki," he admitted. "I'd have ended up here sooner if it weren't for Shikamaru figuring out his jutsu. Not that it helped in the end, but that wasn't his fault. And just for the record, I _was_ going to propose to Kurenai as soon as I returned from my current mission."

He nodded, his grin widening.

"And now I can. And I will. I bet my dad-"

He broke off and frowned at the two females who stared back at him expectantly.

"Wait - did you two meet with an old man called Hiruzen Sarutobi?" he asked slowly.

They turned to each other and grinned before looking back at him.

"Why, yes, we did," said the daughter.

"Lovely man," added the mother.

Asuma stared at them, looking stunned.

"But... he performed the Reaper Death Seal."

"That he did," agreed the mother.

"Then his soul shouldn't even have come to the afterlife. How did you two get to meet him?" Asuma looked and sounded baffled.

"Because we got him out of the Shinigami's tummy," the daughter replied with a giggle.

Asuma blinked at her.

"You did? I didn't know that could be... wait, I've heard of a forbidden jutsu-"

"Oh no, it was nothing like that," said the mother, waving an airy hand.

"We just resorted to bribery, all very legal," added the daughter, waving her own hand.

Asuma's forehead wrinkled in increasing puzzlement.

"Never you mind," added the mother hastily, "the point is, do you want to go back or not?"

Of course! Like you said, I've got to make amends, right?" replied Asuma, a bright gleam in his eyes. "Not to mention settling a score or two," he added grimly.

"Exactly! Here you go then," said the daughter, pushing a piece of paper across the counter. "It's a list of instructions you are to follow strictly. You are to tape this paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning."

"Don't worry," added the mother, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please."

Asuma nodded.

"Number 1: Propose to Kurenai Yuki as soon as possible and be a supportive husband to her."

"Don't let Kurenai-sensei become a housewife just because she's a mother!" added the daughter, waving an admonishing finger. "There aren't enough strong kunoichi in the Leaf and she's an awesome one!"

OK, OK, I agree!" Asuma said.

The daughter nodded and Asuma continued reading after glancing at the mother who was smiling up at the ceiling.

"Number 2: I will give up smoking. Wait - I already have."

The two females narrowed their eyes at him.

"Oh, you meant just before I came here?" Asuma asked. "I was dying! And I didn't even get to finish that cigarette..."

"So you're not going to start smoking again?"

"Erm... what if I cut down on it instead?" Asuma asked with a hopeful smile.

The two females looked at each other and sighed.

"Like father like son," muttered the mother while the daughter snatched back the piece of paper and started scribbling on it.

"No more than one stick a day," she said and handed it back.

Asuma read the modified rule, the corners of his mouth turning down.

"This will be torture," he muttered.

"That was what your father said!" chorused the two females and chuckled heartily to themselves.

"Chip of the old block, huh," Asuma said with a smile and continued reading.

"Number 3: Don't treat Team Asuma to too much barbeque. Try other eateries instead."

It was Asuma's turn to chuckle.

"Definitely. I can't even get the smell out of my clothes anymore! And after telling Choji he should lose a few pounds, I should do the same." He patted his middle and looked down at the paper again.

"Number 4: Visit Chiriku more often so you won't regret not having anymore heart to heart talks with him."

Asuma's eyes widened in shock as he stared at the two females who stared back, identical grins growing on their faces.

"Chiriku's alive? Oh, you mean he was here too?"

They both nodded, grinning wider still.

"You gave him a second chance too." Asuma's grin matched theirs. "That's great news!"

"It is, isn't it?" replied the mother, beaming.

"Mind you visit him more often then," added the daughter. "Strange sense of humour, that one," she muttered under her breath.

"Are there anymore rules?" the mother asked.

"Just a postscript," Asuma replied after checking the back of the paper.

"Alrighty then." The daughter heaved a large glass jar of little pink balls onto the counter. She took out one and held it out to him. "Please take this peach pill now for the injuries you sustained. And keep that list in a place where you can see it everyday."

The mother waved her hand at the Exit door which swung open.

"Off you go now, Asuma, and enjoy a wonderful life with all your loved ones and friends!"

Asuma grinned and gave two thumbs up.

"I will. A big thank you to both of you," he said and left.

\- o -

_On the roof of the collection office..._

Asuma opened his eyes to see the same three tear stained faces staring down at him. It was raining by now.

"Hey guys," he said softly. It was so good to see Shikamaru, Ino and Choji again and to know he could continue to-

"AAIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the three teenagers as they clutched at each other, eyes almost popping from their sockets.

Before Asuma could even sit up, all three had turned white and slumped over his chest, forcing a grunt from him. He froze for a few moments before sitting up, dislodging them as gently as he could to the floor.

"Asuma?!"

"You're alive?"

"Hey, what happened to them?"

Izumo, Kotetsu and Aoba rushed forward to kneel beside him. Ignoring them, Asuma checked his students' pulses one by one and was horror struck.

Shikamaru, Ino and Choji... were no more.

\- o -

There were three knocks at the door. Startled, the mother and daughter looked up from their bowls of ramen and then turned to each other. The ends of the mother's chopsticks were still in her mouth while the daughter was holding aloft a slice of fishcake with a pink swirly on it.

"Are we expecting someone so soon?" The mother asked in a garbled voice.

"Not that I'm aware of," answered the daughter, frowning.

"Come in," called the mother.

The door opened and three confused looking chunin trooped in.

"AAIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter as they clutched at each other, causing chopsticks and fishcake to go flying in the air.

"What are you three doing _here?_ " demanded the mother.

"Why are you _dead?_ " wailed the daughter, wringing her hands.

Flanked by his two teammates, Shikamaru folded his arms across his chest and frowned.

"Who's dead?" Choji asked while Ino just looked around her. Then Shikamaru inhaled sharply, his eyes filling with horror.

"I think she means us," he said slowly.

"WHAT?!" shrieked Choji and Ino as they turned to clutch at each other, managing to envelop Shikamaru between them.

"This is not good, daughter," said the mother.

"Definitely not," agreed the daughter. "OK, you three. Listen up..."

\- o -

It was a good thing Izumo, Kotetsu and Aoba were made of sterner stuff. There were shocked exclamations all around when Shikamaru, Ino and Choji opened their eyes again, but no more impromptu visits to a certain small hut in a misty land.

After a round of happy, tearful hugs and a hasty whispered conversation in which only the words 'miracle', 'mother and daughter' and 'alive' were discernible, Asuma got to his feet and looked around, the wide grin on his face fading.

"We have to find Chiriku," he stated. "He should be in the collection office here."

\- o -

With Aoba, Izumo and Kotetsu glaring at him, the person in charge didn't need much persuasion to pull open Chiriku's drawer. He continued to grumble about the loss of his thirty million Ryo as he was hustled outside.

Asuma shook Chiriku's shoulders while his students crowded around him, Ino covering her nose against the stink of the room.

"Chiriku. Chiriku. Answer me!"

The Head Monk's eyes snapped open.

"Asuma."

"Thank the heavens..." Despite knowing Chiriku was alive, a single tear ran down Asuma's face. He told himself it was only because of all the emotional upheaval he had just been through.

Chiriku sat up and hopped down nimbly from the drawer.

"Thank you for coming to my aid, my friend," he said, placing a hand on Asuma's shoulder.

"You'd do the same for me," Asuma replied. "It's a miracle you're still alive."

Chiriku nodded.

"For a time, I wasn't sure I was," he said carefully.

Asuma gave a tiny smile.

"For me as well," he said just as carefully. From the lift of Chiriku's eyebrows, he knew they would touch on this topic once they were alone. For now... he looked at his team.

"Let's get out of here," he said and no one argued with him.

\- o -

The mother and daughter stared at the Exit door after it had closed behind the Ino-Shika-Cho trio.

"That was... unexpected," the mother finally said and went to get clean chopsticks.

"Very," said the daughter, going around to pick up the fallen items, including one slice of fishcake which she threw away with a regretful sigh.

"So, who's next to be rescued?" the mother asked.

They both looked at the paper taped to the counter and then at each other, the mother with a frown and the daughter with an excited smile.

"Are we really going to rescue another Akatsuki member?"

"This one is a must! After all, art is an...?"

The mother sighed and continued eating her ramen.

"Fine," she mumbled. "But only because he's cute."

\- o -

The next morning, Asuma found Hiruzen Sarutobi standing at the top of the Great Stone Faces, looking down at the village.

"I heard you had a close shave with two Akatsuki yesterday," Hiruzen remarked.

"It was a very close shave, actually."

Wrinkled eyes narrowed at him. Asuma always glossed over his near misses as if they were nothing.

"I heard you actually died for a few moments there."

There was a pause as Asuma lit up a cigarette.

"I did," he said. "And found myself in a place with thick white mist."

A minute of silence passed.

"I was given a choice to go back so I did," Asuma continued and looked sideways at the older man, "same like you, dad."

Hiruzen smiled and puffed on his pipe.

"I see."

After a few more minutes of peaceful silence, Hiruzen looked down at his pipe and sighed.

"Well, that's my puff for the day," he said in a resigned tone.

Asuma looked at the butt of his cigarette and sighed as well, putting it out.

"Mine too," he said. "By the way, Kurenai Yuhi and I have been dating for a while and well... I asked her to marry me last night."

Kurenai had hugged him tightly with tears in her eyes when he appeared at her door last night, saying how a strong wind had carried off the poppy blossoms outside her window, filling her with a sense of foreboding. Yet this morning, they were blooming again as if nothing had happened.

Hiruzen just chuckled.

"About time, don't you think?"

Asuma scowled. "Does everyone know about the two of us?"

"Everyone but the two of you, it seems," Hiruzen said dryly. "You two have been inseparable since you were children!"

Asuma rubbed the back of his head and chuckled.

"Yeah, well, we're also going to make you a grandfather again," he confessed.

Hiruzen's smile broadened.

"All the more reason to get married as soon as possible," he declared and clapped a hand on his son's shoulder. "I'm glad you were given a second chance, son."

Asuma smiled and placed his hand over his father's.

"So am I, dad. So am I."

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! As far as I know, Asuma and Kurenai aren't married (except for a tiny note in Wiki), but if you have proof such as flashbacks or images, do let me know. Can you guess who is the next character? :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy this next character's revival :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episode 124 (Art_2).

**Character:** Deidara

\- Chapter Start -

A pair of large slanted blue eyes opened and Deidara sat up, staring at the thick mist surrounding him. He had cheated - or faked - death a few times, but this was the real deal.

He _was_ dead. Dead by his own hand by becoming a suicide bomber.

"Heh," he muttered and got to his feet. "Worth it since I managed to take down Sasuke Uchiha at last. After all, art is... an explosion!"

Wait - didn't that mean the brat was here too? As well as Tobi?

Feeling both guilty and annoyed, Deidara took another good look around him; still nothing but mist. He was alone, just like he had always been.

Huh. Where had that come from?

Sure, he had been a missing nin, but he had always had his art, the Akatsuki and two partners - Sasori, a fellow artist; and Tobi, an... idiot.

But the Akatsuki was an organisation and not a family, whispered a voice inside his head.

"Shut up," Deidara said.

And Sasori and Tobi were partners and not friends, that voice whispered again, undaunted.

"I said, shut up!" Deidara said in a louder voice, scowling. He didn't need friends or family. He had his art and his skills and they were all he needed.

Anyway, he was dead so it didn't matter anymore, did it?

Deidara swallowed what might have been a regretful sigh. He was nineteen. Sasori was right after all, he _had_ died young. It was... too bad, really. There were other things he had wanted to experience, other jutsu he had wanted to learn...

But it was too late.

Deidara found the mist clearing at last. He was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance and started for it, feeling just a little lost inside.

\- o -

At the knock on the door, the mother and daughter exchanged smiles.

"Come in."

The door opened and Deidara walked in, looking around curiously before he stared at the two females behind the counter.

"Who are you two?" he asked.

"Hello to you too. Good thing I didn't expect politeness," observed the older female.

"Hi, Deidara!" chirped the younger one and waved at him. "It's really him, mother!" she added in a loud whisper.

"I can see that, daughter."

"Were you two expecting me?" Deidara asked.

"Of course," said the mother primly.

"So, where is this place?"

"Sasori asked that question too," remarked the daughter.

Deidara's blue eyes widened and he walked right up to the counter.

"Sasori is here?" he asked. "But what about that Sasuke brat? I killed him, I know I did! And Tobi must've been caught in the blast too."

The two females shook their heads in unison.

"You only managed to kill yourself," said the daughter in a regretful tone.

"What?!" Deidara slammed both hands down on the counter, causing the females to squeak and scoot backwards. "They both survived the blast?!"

When they nodded, Deidara gnashed his teeth in fury. Higher pitched grinding sounds could be heard from his hands, the palms still pressed against the counter.

"But how?" he demanded. He was relieved Tobi had survived, but damnit, had he killed himself for nothing?!

"How could Sasuke have survived? He didn't have time to get away!"

"Reverse summoning jutsu at the last possible second," the mother explained. "But never mind about that. We are giving you-"

"I knew it!" Deidara interrupted her. "He never respected my art! He's just like his big brother Itachi, with those Sharingan eyes. I _hate_ those eyes! I - owww!"

The mother had taken out a wooden ruler and brought it down smartly over his knuckles.

"Control yourself and don't interrupt your elders," she scolded.

Deidara glared at her before raising his hand to rub his bruised knuckles. When the little mouth on his palm stuck out its tongue at the mother, the daughter hastily cleared her throat.

"Anyway," she said. "What is important is that you are being given a second chance to live."

Deidara blinked and looked up.

"What? Why?"

"Why not?" said the daughter with a shrug.

"But my body's in a million pieces!"

"We'll get to that later," said the mother. "Do you want to go back or not?"

Deidara stared at them for a moment before he nodded.

"Fine," he said and smirked. "I'll have another chance to kill Sasuke. This time, I'm going to create my best art ever. There won't be anything left of-" he broke off when the mother raised her ruler.

"You are not going to squander your second opportunity chasing after Sasuke," she said sternly. "We're only allowing you to go back because we believe you died too young. You're a highly skilled ninja with a special kekkei genkai."

"Also because you're cute," said the daughter, speaking very fast.

"Heh. Like I care about that," Deidara said and rolled his eyes.

The daughter sighed and held out a piece of paper.

"In return for your second chance, you are to follow this list of instructions strictly," she said. "Tape this in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning. You are the only one who can see this paper, by the way. Now, read it out aloud."

Deidara shrugged and looked down at the paper.

"Number 1: I will use my Explosion Release kekkei genkai for the good of my village."

He pursed his lips at that. "But I'm a missing-"

"Continue, please," said the daughter.

Deidara frowned.

"Number 2: I will spend some time making friends instead of playing with exploding clay all the time."

"What do I need-" he began only to remember his earlier thoughts when he had first arrived in this place. "Fine," he mumbled.

"Number 3: Ignore any strange looks or comments the people of your village give you. They have their reasons."

He looked up again, blue eyes flashing.

"Oh, they have, do they?"

When the two females cleared their throats, he looked down at the paper.

"P/S: Do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret."

Deidara looked up at the two females who stared back at him in an expectant manner.

"Do you agree to all of them?" asked the mother.

Deidara nodded without hesitation. It was a chance to live again, he would promise his soul if he had to. Whether or not he would actually hand it over was a different matter.

"Good boy," said the mother in an approving tone.

"Into the chamber, please," said the daughter, gesturing to what looked like a round shower cubicle on one side of the counter, its walls made of thick glass.

Deidara eyed it suspiciously.

"Why?"

The daughter gave him a sunny smile.

"Well, your body is in pieces, isn't it? We have to repair it. Your arms won't have those unsightly stitches anymore or that wrinkled elbow bit."

Deidara held his arms in front of him and crossed them, showing off the little mouths on his palms which stuck out their tongues obligingly.

"I get to keep these, right?"

"Of course, they're a part of your char - er, skill."

Deidara nodded. He stepped inside the chamber and turned around. The identical grins on the two females' faces made him a bit uneasy.

"By the way," added the daughter with an angelic smile, "we'll be wiping your memories. Can't have you recalling all your evil deeds now, can we?"

Deidara's eyes widened in shock, but it was too late. The door closed and he stared at the two smiling females behind the counter, both hands pressed against the glass, tongues sticking to the smooth surface as white smoke started to surround him.

\- o -

The mother and daughter stared at the smoke filled capsule and the multi coloured lights flashing across the top.

"Are you sure it'll work correctly this time?" asked the mother.

"Of course," chirped the daughter, crossing her fingers behind her back.

After a minute, the lights dimmed and the glass door opened. Smoke wafted out followed by Deidara who blinked at them, looking a bit confused. His long hair wasn't tied up anymore.

The two females stared back at him, their heads tipped to one side.

"Is it just me, daughter, or does he look a bit younger than before?" asked the mother.

"What's your name?" asked the daughter.

"Deidara."

"And how old are you, Deidara?"

"Sixteen."

The daughter turned to the mother and gave a sheepish smile.

"Needs a bit more fine tuning," she said.

"It's fine," said the mother and turned to smile at Deidara.

"Off you go now and mind you follow the instructions in that piece of paper in your hand," she said, pointing to the Exit door. "And please give this letter to someone called Naruto Uzumaki. You will meet him soon."

Deidara took it and went to the door, still looking puzzled.

"Thank you... I think," he said and bowed before he left.

\- o -

_In the forest clearing..._

Naruto and his friends reached the place where the huge explosion had occurred. There was a crater on the ground, but no sign of Sasuke.

"There is someone here though," Kiba said, Akamaru barking in agreement.

A young man with long blond hair appeared.

"Hello," he said.

There was a second's pause and then...

"Deidara!" said Kakashi and Naruto at the same time, their eyes narrowed.

Deidara blinked at them and glanced around at the others before looking back at Naruto. He too had blond hair and blue eyes. But why was he glaring at him?

"Do I know you?" Deidara asked.

"You should!" Naruto said angrily. "You lot captured and killed Gaara and made Kakashi-sensei and I chase after you!"

"Oh," Deidara said, trying to ignore the unfriendly faces around him. "What's your name?"

Naruto snorted.

"You pretending to have amnesia or something?" he asked angrily. "You know who I am! I'm Naruto Uzumaki!"

Eyes lighting up, Deidara took a step forward and held out a scroll.

"Then this letter is for you," he said with a hopeful smile.

\- o -

Once the Exit door closed, the mother and daughter sighed in relief.

"Another character with potential rescued," said the mother.

"Another _cute_ character with potential rescued, you mean," corrected the daughter.

The mother just smiled and looked at the piece of paper taped on the counter.

"Ah, it's him next. We definitely can't call _him_ cute."

The daughter peered at the paper as well.

"Or young either," she added and grinned. "Let's see if he does his usual intro when he arrives."

The mother groaned and face palmed herself.

"Not that little dance routine," she groaned. "Doesn't he know how silly he looks wearing clogs?!"

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! Can you guess who's next? :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter!

 **General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episode 132 (In Attendance, the Six Paths of Pain)  & 133 (The Tale of Jiraiya the Gallant).

 **Character:** Jiraiya

\- Chapter Start -

Jiraiya opened his eyes and looked around, seeing thick white mist instead of the blue green waters of the ocean. He sat up and saw he had his left arm back. Well, that was more than he could say for his body lying at the bottom of the sea. His fight against the Akatsuki had taken all he had.

It was up to Naruto now to carry out his wish of making the world a peaceful one. After all, a ninja is one who endures and Naruto possessed the guts to never give up. Brushing aside one or two lingering regrets, Jiraiya got up, clapped his hands together and rubbed them vigorously, forcing an irrepressible smile onto his face.

"Right," he declared aloud. "Time to see what the afterlife has to offer. If I'm lucky there'll be a bar or bathhouse around every corner, filled with pretty young women! Ahahahaha!"

The mist started to clear, allowing him to see he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. It didn't look at all like a bar or a bathhouse, but he walked towards it with a spring in his step.

\- o -

At the loud knock on the door, the mother and daughter straightened up in their seats and adopted solemn expressions.

"Come in."

The door opened and Jiraiya strode in, giving a wolfish grin to the two females behind the counter. Striking a kabuki pose, he started his self introduction.

"For those who do not know me, prepare to be enlightened!"

The two females just blinked so he struck another pose.

"Before his manliness no female stands a chance. Felling his foes yet falling for the ladies. He resides in the Village Hidden in the Leaves! His name is known both far and-"*

"Yes, yes, that's enough, thank you!" interrupted the older female hastily.

"We know how it goes and who you are, Master Jiraiya," added the younger.

Jiraiya frowned and lowered his hands, disappointed at being interrupted yet again. He didn't recall meeting these two before, but he walked right up to the counter all the same.

"Have we met before?"

When they shook their heads, Jiraiya leaned forward. He rested an elbow on the counter and gave them his best smile.

"So, ladies, what does a man have to do to get a drink around here?"

"A _drink?_ " repeated the younger female before turning to the other. "I think he's under the impression this is a bar, mother."

"I believe you're right, daughter."

Jiraiya's face fell at once.

_Great. One isn't available anymore and the other is too young. Still..._

"Surely you two ladies can't be the only ones working in this place, right?" he probed only to straighten up when a wooden ruler was shaken under his nose.

"This isn't a bar," said the mother crisply. "We're here to give you an opportunity to continue living."

Jiraiya's eyes widened and he slammed both hands down on the counter.

"What?!"

The two females winced at the sheer volume of his voice and leaned backwards.

"How?!"

They leaned back a bit more.

"Because you're a good shinobi," replied the daughter and paused for a moment. "For the most part."

"And we know of the magnificent fight you put up against the Akatsuki," added the mother.

Jiraiya gave them a rougish grin.

"Do you ladies know I was also one of the legendary san nin?" he asked.

"Yes, we do. We were sad when you died."

"Not to mention losing your arm."

"So, do you want go back?" reminded the mother.

Jiraiya nodded slowly, his smile vanishing.

"Yes. I need to inform Tsunade of my findings about the Akatsuki in case Fukasaku didn't manage to get away."

"Not to worry, he did."

Jiraiya smiled in relief and then he laughed as he rubbed his hands together.

"Well then, it means I can start my research for my next book!"

"Huh-uh." The daughter waved a piece of paper at him.

"Here's a list of instructions you are to follow strictly," she said. "You are to tape this paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning."

"Don't worry," added the mother, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please?"

Jiraiya frowned and began to read.

"Number 1: I will stay in the Hidden Leaf village unless I'm gathering intel on the Akatsuki or other enemies of the Leaf."

His expression fell.

"But going to new bathhouses is more interesting," he protested. "Do you know I never get caught thanks to my Transparent Escape Technique?"

When the two females just raised their eyebrows at him. Jiraiya pouted and studied the paper again.

"Number 2: I will spend more time with Tsunade. Despite her multiple responsibilities as Hokage, she's also lonely."

He raised his eyebrows.

"You do know the only one she loves is her dead fiance, Don? I've never gotten anywhere with her."

"Yes, we know. But he isn't alive anymore - hasn't been for years - while you are," replied the mother. "Or soon will be."

"Besides, you've always had a thing for her, haven't you?" added the daughter. "Apart from her ample bosom?

Jiraiya rubbed the back of his head and laughed heartily, two spots of red appearing on his cheeks.

"Well, I've flirted with her throughout the years and look where it's got me - nowhere. She never took me seriously in that department."

The mother and daughter both sighed.

"How do you expect her or anyone to take you seriously when you yourself don't?" scolded the mother.

"You need to court her properly!" scolded the daughter.

Jiraiya stopped rubbing the back of his head to blink at them.

"We know what you said to her before you left the Leaf Village," said the mother.

"You heard us? How?" Jiraiya asked, looming over the counter once more.

"Never you mind how," said the mother hastily. "Suffice to say we do."

"So make sure you do a better job this time around," added the daughter.

"I will," Jiraiya promised. "Let's hope she leaves my arms and internal organs alone this time."

"She will if you go about it the right way instead of trying to sneak peeks at her in the bathhouse," assured the mother. "Oh, that reminds me!"

She snatched back the piece of paper, scribbled on it and handed it back to Jiraiya.

"Read the second rule again, please."

"Number 2: I will spend more time with Tsunade. Despite her multiple responsibilities as Hokage, she's also lonely. I will marry her and we'll have lots and lots of... babies?! What?!""

As Jiraiya swayed on the spot, face turning pale, the daughter face palmed herself.

"Motherrrrrrr!"

"What?" asked the mother with an innocent smile. "We need more shinobi in the Leaf Village! Any offspring of two legendary san nin would be awesome!"

"Said san nin are also in their fifties!" The daughter snatched back the piece of paper from the still stunned Jiraiya, crossed out several words and passed it back to him.

"Just go onto rule number three, please," she said.

Jiraiya blinked.

"Oh. Right. Number 3: Cut down on your research. Wait - why?!"

The two females glared at him.

"Isn't it obvious? Because you'll be with Tsunade!"

Jiraiya opened his mouth and closed it again.

"Number 4: Continue to train Naruto. He still needs you."

Jiraiya's expression softened and he nodded.

"I will. He's like a grandson to me."

"We know."

Jiraiya looked at the bottom of the paper. "The rest is just a postscript."

"Very well." The daughter heaved a large jar of little pink balls onto the counter, took out two and held them out.

"These are peach pills, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. One is to regrow your missing arm and the other to heal all your other injuries. Please take them now."

Jiraiya studied the pills before swallowing them.

"What now?" he asked.

"You will know when you wake up," said the mother and pointed to the Exit door which swung open.

"Don't forget to keep that list in a place where you can see it everyday," reminded the daughter. "Enjoy the rest of your life with Tsunade, Naruto and the others."

Jiraiya went to the door and paused, looking over his shoulder.

"So, there aren't any bars or bathhouses here?"

When they shook their heads, he sighed.

"I'll try not to return soon then."

"Atta boy," nodded the mother. "We won't want to have to rescue you again."

"Bye, Pervy Sage!" chirped the daughter.

Jiraiya winced.

"Don't call me that! Oh, thanks for this second chance. Bye!"

\- o -

Jiraiya opened his eyes to see the bulbous eyes of a toad staring down at him, framed by curly purple hair.

"L-Lady Shima?" he croaked.

"You're still alive! Welcome back, Jiraiya boy!" Shima started sobbing for joy.

Jiraiya sat up and looked around, taking in the familiar surroundings and warm air.

"Is this Mount Myoboku?" he asked in disbelief. "But how did I get here?"

"That's what I was about to ask you!"

"Where's Lord Fukasaku?"

"With Naruto boy, of course."

"Naruto's... _here?_ "

Before Shima could answer, a familiar voice was heard in the distance.

"Ma! Is lunch ready yet? Naruto boy says he starving!"

"For _ramen_ , Gramps Sage! Not for bugs!"

Feeling his heart beat faster in his chest, Jiraiya jumped up and turned to see two very familiar figures approaching them. Then they stopped.

"Ji-jiraiya boy? Is that you?"

"PERVY SAGE?!"

Grinning broadly, Jiraiya held out his arms and was tackle hugged by both his master and his student, overjoyed tears flowing freely from all of them.

\- o -

The mother and daughter sighed happily as the Exit door closed behind Jiraiya.

"Another character rescued," remarked the mother. "Let's see who's next."

They both looked at the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"It's him!" squealed the mother.

"Yup," said the daughter and took out a bubble blower from under the counter. She blew a stream of bubbles into the air before raising an eyebrow at the mother.

"You're going to go overboard with the marriage and babies thing, aren't you?" she asked.

"Indeed I am," declared the mother. "They might be master and student for now, but anyone can see they're crazy about each other!"

"In time," agreed the daughter and blew out another stream of bubbles.

\- o -

_A few weeks later in the Hokage's office..._

It wasn't often that Tsunade was at a loss for words, but that was certainly the case now. She had been sitting at her desk and staring at Jiraiya opposite her for the past one minute, golden brown eyes wide and pink lips slightly parted.

"So, how about it, Tsunade?" Jiraiya repeated.

Tsunade blinked, a flush suffusing her cheeks as she shook her head.

"I'm sorry. You know Don was the only-" she began, but Jiraiya waved a hand.

"I get it," he said, his voice curter than he had intended. "He was your one true love and you'll love no other. I get it, Tsunade. But you're not dead yet. He wouldn't want you living like a nun until the day you join him, would he?"

Tsunade looked down.

"Are you saying this because you came back from the dead?" she asked in a low voice. Two calloused fingertips found her chin and tipped it up, forcing her look into her old friend's eyes. They were more serious than she had ever seen them.

"Yes," Jiraiya admitted. "This time, I'm not going to waste my second chance. You shouldn't either, Tsunade, not after your close brush with the Akatsuki."

Tsunade smiled.

"Very well. We'll give this a shot," she agreed, her eyes widening still further as Jiraiya grinned and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "But no more peeping at bathhouses, you hear?"

Jiraiya started laughing, feeling younger and happier than he had for a long time.

"Very well," he agreed. "Let's go for sake to celebrate!"

A few minutes later, they were seated at a small restaurant. Jiraiya poured out two cups of sake.

"So," he said, "anything else happen that I should know about?"

Tsunade took a sip of sake and smiled.

"Well, we have a new shinobi who just happened to be a past member of the Akatsuki."

"What?!"

"Hold your horses," Tsunade said dryly. "He was found wandering around a few weeks back with amnesia. He had a letter on him explaining his situation."

"Who is it? I bet it's a trick. How could you let him stay here, Tsunade?" Jiraiya fumed.

"It's Deidara. But I warn you, you'll be going up against your student if you try anything," Tsunade said, smiling at Jiraiya's flabbergasted expression. "He's Naruto's friend now and you know what that means."

They stared at each other.

"Do you have the letter?" Jiraiya asked at last.

Tsunade fished it out from her enormous bosom, offering Jiraiya a tantalising glimpse at the same time.

"Here, Naruto passed it to me for safekeeping."

Jiraiya read the letter in silence, a strange look passing over his face when he came to the end.

"Well?" Tsunade prompted. "Is it a fake? Who is this 'mother and daughter' team?"

Jiraiya shook his head and handed her back the letter.

"It's not a fake," he confirmed. "But I'll continue to keep an eye on him."

"You do that," Tsunade agreed and clasped her fingers together, resting her chin on them. "So, where are you taking me out for dinner tonight?"

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Can you guess who the next character is? Tell us!

*The perfect Jiraiya self intro was taken from Naruto Episode 137 when he met the Fuma clan.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 144 (Wanderer) til 151 (Master and Student), and 324 (The Unbreakable Mask and the Shattered Bubble).

 **Character:** Utakata

\- Chapter Start -

Narrow golden eyes blinked open and then Utakata sat up, staring at the thick white mist all around him. The last thing he remembered was the agony of having the six tails extracted from him in a darkened cave... which meant he was now dead.

Regret, deep and aching, filled his heart and he couldn't help the bitter smile that twisted his lips.

Just when he finally believed his late master was trying to save him instead of kill him.

Just when he finally agreed to take Hotaru on as his student.

Just when he finally accepted his feelings for her went far deeper than-

Shaking his head, Utakata pressed his lips together. Dreaming of what could have been was meaningless now. Perhaps he shouldn't have gone to find the Mist ANBU then he wouldn't have run into that other group and been defeated after a brief but brutal battle. But he had already made up his mind to start things over. He had agreed to be Hotaru's master; she didn't deserve to follow a missing nin, a fugitive suspected of killing his own master, a man always on the run with no place to call home.

Utakata closed his eyes and swallowed, recalling Hotaru's wide green eyes and innocent smile. Her insistence that she wanted him and no other to teach her, her unwavering faith in his innocence, her courage in carrying her clan's forbidden jutsu, her loyalty to her late grandfather... all of it had had proved to be a bewitching combination he hadn't been able to resist, try as he might.

Still, it was too late now to mourn what might have been. He could only hope Hotaru would forgive him for making her wait for a master who would never return. He could only pray she would grow up to have a normal, happy life without him.

With a resigned sigh, Utakata got up and made sure he still had his bamboo soap holder and bubble blower tucked into his red sash... although he probably wouldn't need to use them here. The mist cleared enough to let him see he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He walked towards it, wondering what fate awaited him there.

\- o -

The light knock on the door made the mother and daughter exchange excited smiles.

"It's Utakata!"

"Come in, love!"

The door opened and Utakata stepped inside, looking around him.

"Hello," he said and winced when two high pitched squeals assaulted his ears.

"There you are at last!" said the older female with a rapturous sigh.

"Tall, dark and skinny," said the younger. "And look, there's your bubble blower!"

Utakata blinked. Yes, he _was_ tall, thin and had dark hair which fell over his left eye; hardly the sort of look to induce any sort of squealing.

"Is this the afterlife?" he asked.

The two females quickly straightened up.

"Oh. Yes."

"Yes, it is."

Then they continued staring at him, getting glassy eyed again in the process.

"Why don't you come closer?" cooed the older female, her fingers twitching on the counter.

Utakata took a few steps forward.

"Closerrrrrrr..."

Utakata stopped and frowned.

"You're scaring him, mother," hissed the younger female.

"Am not, daughter," replied the older. "I just want to touch his... uhm, his... bamboo soap holder?"

The daughter face palmed herself, but when Utakata stepped back, she quickly smiled at him.

"Not to worry! We just want to give you the opportunity to continue living."

Utakata's eyes widened.

"That's impossible. I died."

The mother waved an airy hand.

"Easily taken care of, love. Just tell us you want to be alive again."

Utakata stared at the two of them, his heart starting to beat faster.

"You do want to go back, don't you?" prompted the daughter. "And don't you dare say no."

"Why would I say no?" Utakata replied. "I _want_ to go back. But is it possible?"

"It is," she assured him. "We've already sent back several deserving souls," and at the mother's pointed throat clearing, hastily added, "that you don't need to know about."

"You have?" Utakata stepped forward. "Is one of them... my master?"

The two females shook their heads.

"Sorry," said the daughter, "but we're following the series timeline and," at an even louder throat clearing, quickly continued, "never mind, but no, he's still... er, dead."

Utakata sighed and then he nodded.

"I still want to go back though. I have a student I promised to teach."

They both beamed at him.

"Oh, we know!" gushed the mother. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

Utakata raised an eyebrow.

"Who is?"

They raised their eyebrows at him in turn.

"The beautiful girl you forbade from ever calling you master until you rescued her from that forbidden jutsu that almost exploded?"

"Oh, you mean Hota-"

"The pretty lady who only wanted _you_ to teach her everything, and I mean _everything?_ "

"What? No!" Utakata could practically see that last word being italicised. "She only meant my water style jutsu! Nothing else!"

"The lovely lass who stripped right before your eyes?"

"She did _not!_ " Utakata protested, his face feeling hot. "She only wanted to show me the jutsu her grandfather had implanted in her back!"

There was a moment of silence before they both grinned at him again.

"Well, good for you for not sneaking a peek," declared the daughter in an approving voice.

"More's the pity," sighed the mother.

Utakata frowned.

"Is this a dating agency?" he asked suspiciously. "I thought this was the afterlife."

The daughter gave an apologetic smile.

"Sorry. It is," she said and sat up straighter. "So, back to our original question - you do want to go back, right?"

"Yes, I promised Hotaru I would be her master," Utakata said, his right eye twitching at the mother's loud _*cough*lover*cough*_.

"You're not a jinjuriki anymore though," added the daughter.

Utakata nodded.

"The group I fought succeeded in extracting the six tails then?"

"Yes, they did. Here, take this." The daughter held out a piece of paper.

Utakata approached the counter and took it, his other hand hovering protectively over his bamboo soap holder and bubble blower when he noticed their rather eager stares.

"A list of... rules?" he asked after glancing at the back of the paper to make sure it wasn't a paper bomb.

"Yes," said the mother. "In return for your second chance, here is a list of instructions you are to follow strictly. You are to tape this piece of paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning."

"Don't worry," added the daughter, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please."

Utakata nodded and started reading.

"Number 1: Propose to Hotaru the moment you - wait, what?"

His head jerked up and he stared at the two females.

"Mother, did you change my list?" The daughter sighed and snatched back the piece of paper, crossed out some words and wrote a few more before holding it out.

Utakata took it, still frowning.

"I can't do that," he said. "She only sees me as her master."

"Oh, please," huffed the mother. "Anyone with half an eye could see she's crazy about you. And you about her."

Utakata pressed his lips together and shook his head.

"In any case, she's still too young."

"Well, it's true we don't know her age," agreed the mother reluctantly.

"Which is why I changed the first rule," said the daughter. "Read it again, please."

"Number 1: Propose to Hotaru when you two are more comfortable with each other."

Utakata nodded in agreement. Much better, he thought. He didn't want to take advantage of Hotaru in any way and truth be told, he was already aware of how she felt about him.

"Number 2: Be a good master to Hotaru and give her proper guidance instead of forcing her to learn the jutsu all by herself."

He looked up and shrugged.

"I was trying to discourage her at that time. How would I know she has the same Water Affinity as me?"

"See? You two are M.F.E.O!" squealed the mother.

"Don't interrupt him, mother."

"Oh. Right."

"Number 3: Help Hotaru restore her clan to its former glory."

He looked up and nodded again.

"I will," he promised, "even though I'm not quite sure how to yet."

"That's easy," declared the mother with a glint in her eyes, "just marry her and have lots and lots of-"

"Motherrrrrrr!"

"Number 4," continued Utakata, speaking rapidly, "pay a visit to Naruto and the Hidden Leaf Village once in a while. The rest is just a postscript."

"Very well then," said the daughter. She had taken out a little pink ball from a large jar and was holding it out to him. "Here, this is a peach pill for the injuries you sustained. Mind you keep that list in a place where you can see it everyday."

"Have a wonderful life with your future wife!" said the mother.

"Take good care of her since she's your _student_ now," said the daughter, frowning at the mother.

"And marry her and have lots and lots of babies!" finished the mother, ignoring the daughter.

Utakata just smiled and bowed his head.

"Thank you," he said and left.

\- o -

_At the Tsuchigumo fort..._

Five days had passed since Hotaru last saw Utakata at the place where they had first met. She had waited for him until nightfall before curling up against the rock to sleep. She woke up the next morning, stiff, cold and alone. That was when she stumbled back home to a surprised and concerned Tonbei.

They set out later that same day to look for Utakata and found a bloodstained ANBU mask by the river... together with the obvious signs of a fierce battle. They had scoured the area with the help of her uncle and the villagers, but Utakata was nowhere to be found. Hotaru had broken down in tears then, fearing the worst for her beloved master. There was no way to find out what had happened... no way to get into the Village Hidden in the Mist if that was where he had gone.

Every morning, Hotaru went to the edge of the cliff and waited for Utakata, Tonbei keeping her silent company after he finished his chores. They would return at night, numb with despair and worry... until the fifth morning when something appeared over the horizon... catching the light of the early morning sun, drifting over the field and towards the cliffside.

Hotaru and Tonbei stared at the approaching bubble, at the light blue kimono clad figure inside, their hearts filling with profound relief and joy.

"Sir Utakata! Oh, m-master!"

Hotaru ran towards the bubble, her heart lighter than it had been for days, her joyful tears glinting in the sunlight. She flung herself at the bubble which Utakata had barely time to disperse before he was bowled over by his student, her tears mingling with his.

"I'm so sorry, Hotaru," he apologised again and again. "I made you wait, I made you worry."

Hotaru shook her head, crying and laughing at the same time.

"You're safe, my master. You're alive, that's all that matters."

Neither were aware Hotaru was all but straddling him, her small hands cupping his face and his around her shoulders until someone cleared their throat very loudly.

"Lady Hotaru, please! That is no way for a lady to behave towards a male," Tonbei chided.

Startled, they both looked up at him and then at each other, cheeks flushing pink. Hotaru's hands trembled against Utakata's face while his fingers tightened on her shoulders. Then he took a deep breath and gently pushed her off of him.

"Tonbei is right, Hotaru," he said softly, "that is no way for a student to greet her master."

\- o -

As the door closed behind Utakata, both mother and daughter grinned at each other before clapping their hands to their foreheads.

"Oh no! We let him get away without touching him," mourned the mother.

"Or his bubble blower," groaned the daughter.

They both sighed, eyeing the Exit door for a long moment before shaking their heads and consulting the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Ooh, it's him!" squealed the mother, her eyes sparkling.

"Too bad he doesn't need us to save him," said the daughter.

"Never mind, we are going to make the most of it while he's here," declared the mother.

"Before he goes to meet his father," agreed the daughter.

\- Chapter End -

A/N: Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who's next so please tell us! :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness. Words in italics are taken directly from the episode.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 159 (Pein vs. Kakashi).

**Character:** Kakashi Hatake

\- Chapter Start -

_"Obito... this is as far as it goes, me being your eyes. I couldn't even protect Rin. I broke my promise to you. Please, forgive me. Obito... Rin... sensei. I... I guess I'll be joining you now."_

Kakashi stopped walking when a thick white mist rolled in to surround him. He looked around, but he couldn't see anything or anyone else.

Where had those three gone - he wanted to follow them, to be with them!

Was this his punishment for not being able to protect Rin, doomed to be apart from them even in death?

A mirthless smile twisted Kakashi's lips, hidden beneath his mask. His death - using the very last of his chakra and stamina to save Chouji from that guided missile - was certainly one befitting a shinobi.

It couldn't have happened at a worse time though.

The Leaf Village was under a devastating attack by the Akatsuki. Lady Tsunade needed all the help she could get... help that Kakashi could no longer provide. He spared a thought for all those he was leaving behind.

Self proclaimed eternal rival and best friend, Maito Gai.

Kakashi's three passionate and talented students, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura.

Tenzo, Sai, Lady Tsunade, Lord Hiruzen, Asuma, Kurenai, Iruka, Genma, Raido, Aoba, Shikaku, Choza, Inoichi... and so many other sterling shinobi who carried the Will of Fire within themselves.

"Everyone, I leave the future of the Leaf Village in your hands now," Kakashi said softly.

The mist started to clear, allowing him to see he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. Ignoring the lingering heaviness in his heart, he started for it, hoping he would find his two old teammates waiting for him there.

He was still about a dozen feet away when the door of the hut burst open and two females came charging out.

"It's _him_ , it's Kakashi!" squealed the older one.

"Kakashi-sensei's here, he's really _here!_ " squealed the younger.

Kakashi stopped short and stared at them. Nope, these two weren't Rin or Obito, not by any stretch of the imagination. He took a quick step back and then a couple more as they skidded to an untidy stop right in front of him.

"It's you," sighed the older one rapturously, hands clasped in front of her.

"It's really you," sighed the younger one.

"Who are you two? Where is this place?" Kakashi asked, baffled. He glanced at the hut behind them, hoping to find a more recognisable figure coming out, but no one did.

The two females blinked.

"I think we may have startled him a bit, mother," said the younger one in a loud whisper.

"I think you're right, daughter," said the other.

They both gave Kakashi apologetic bows.

"Sorry about that, love."

"Yeah, we were just so excited!"

"That's uhm... quite alright," Kakashi replied. He reached up to adjust his headband, realised he wasn't wearing it and closed his left eye instead. That was when the two females started squealing again.

"You're every bit as cool and good looking as we knew you'd be!" gushed the mother.

"Even if we still can't see most of your face!" added the daughter.

Kakashi stared at them again.

"Is this the afterlife?" he asked suspiciously.

"That's not important," replied the daughter. "What is important is that we're giving you-"

"We're not giving him anything, remember?" interrupted the mother.

"Oh. Right."

"More's the pity."

"I _know_ , right? It's just like when Gaara... oh. Oopsie."

"Oopsie is right, daughter."

Kakashi's uncovered eye narrowed.

"Gaara? Do you mean the Sand's Kazekage? What about him?"

"Gaara?" asked the mother, making her eyes as round as possible.

"Who's Gaara?" asked the daughter with equally big eyes.

Kakashi sighed and shook his head.

"Never mind. But I am dead, right?" he asked.

They sighed, their shoulders slumping.

"Yes, but not for long," admitted the mother.

Kakashi's heart skipped a beat.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because it's not your time to die yet," explained the daughter.

Kakashi frowned. He expected to feel regret, and he did... but overpowering it was a huge sense of relief. Yes, he was still wracked with guilt over his teammates' deaths so many years ago, but he didn't want to die yet. He was still needed.

"I'm glad," he said and meant it.

"So are we!" chorused the two females, grinning at him.

"Alright," Kakashi said and glanced around. "So, when do I get to go back?"

"Oh... not for a while yet, love," said the mother with a suspicious glint in her eyes.

"So... you might as well sit down and wait," added the daughter, also with a glint in her eyes.

"And where do I sit down?" Kakashi asked, cleverly taking another step back in the guise of looking around for a seat.

Undeterred, the two females advanced upon him, holding up twitchy fingers.

"Come with us and see!" they chorused and tried to grab his hands.

Kakashi leaped backwards and eye smiled at them.

"You know what? I think I'll wait right here until it's time to go back."

"Oh, but it's more comfortable in there," protested the mother.

"And I have your favourite food waiting - miso soup with eggplant!" added the daughter.

Kakashi hesitated, but the sight of their twitching fingers weren't doing anything for his peace of mind.

"No, thanks. In fact, I think..." he trailed off when he saw the two females peering over his shoulder, looking dismayed. Glancing behind him, he saw it was getting dark and a light was winking at him in the distance.

"It's time for you to go, Kakashi," said the mother with a heavy sigh.

"Bye, Kakashi-sensei," said the daughter with another sigh,

"Stop thinking about the past so much."

"And start enjoying life more."

"Spend time with your friends and students. And that includes Gai, your best friend and lov-"

" _Mother!_ They're just friends!"

"No, they're more than that!"

"Well, they're also eternal rivals!"

"No, they're also M.F.E.O!"

The daughter wrinkled her nose and turned back to Kakahi who was looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"And stop reading those Icha Icha books!" she told him.

Kakashi gave them his best eye smile.

"It's time for me to go. Thank you," he said and turned around, paying no mind to the mutterings of 'He never admits to anything, does he?' and 'Or promises anything, either!' behind him.

_He walked towards the flickering light which turned out to be a campfire. Sitting on one of the rocks with his back facing him was a figure._

_"Is that you, Kakashi?" asked a familiar voice, one Kakashi hadn't heard in years. Slowly, he approached the fire._

_"Huh. So this is where you were," he said and sat down on another rock._

_"Now that we're both here, will you tell me your tale?" asked the man._

_"Yeah, but it's a long story," Kakashi replied, "so I want to take my time."_

_Sakumo Hatake looked at him and smiled._

_"Yeah, that's fine."_

_Kakashi returned the smile, glad to see his father again._

_Where to begin," he started._

\- o -

The mother and daughter closed the door of the hut behind them and went to sit behind the counter, slumping dejectedly in their seats.

"We didn't get to touch him either," mumbled the mother.

"Oh well," sighed the daughter. "I didn't expect him to when Gaara and Utakata didn't let us."

"But we didn't get to touch his hair," sniffed the mother, "his lovely, silvery hair!"

"And we didn't get to unmask him either, but he wouldn't have let us," said the daughter in a resigned voice, pushing away the bowl of miso soup.

They both shook their heads and looked at the paper taped on the counter.

Oh, it's them!" squealed the mother. "Another two dedicated and talented shinobi who are M.F.E.O!"

The daughter rolled her eyes.

"They're just good friends and partners, mother," she said.

"Nope. M.F.E.O," insisted the mother. "Of course, their leader is going to die first, but we're not gonna rescue _him_ , are we?"

"No way!" agreed the daughter. "Just those two. Together or separately?"

"Together, of course! M.F.E.O, remember?"

The daughter just shook her head, smiling.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who those two are so please tell us! :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone and enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness. Words in italics are taken directly from the episode.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 264 (The Secret of the Reanimation Jutsu)  & 317 (Shino vs. Torune!).

**Characters:** Fu Yamanaka & Torune Aburame

\- Chapter Start -

Fu Yamanaka opened his eyes and blinked, taken aback at the thick white mist surrounding him. He sat up and looked around, even expanding his senses. There didn't seem to be anyone around.

The last thing he remembered was Lord Danzo ordering him and Torune to fight that masked Madara Uchiha... seeing Torune being spirited away... and then waking up to the horrifying sensation of being smothered by ash and dirt.

Was he dead?

Fu stood up, filled not with shock or regret or even sadness, but with dismay and worry.

Did Lord Danzo fight Madara in the end?

Where was Torune?

Was he alright?

Fu had been brought up in the Root foundation, shaped by rigorous training into an efficient killing machine with no past and no emotions. Yet he thought of Torune Aburame as more than just his partner; he was also his best friend.

Closing his eyes, Fu prayed that Torune was alright and that Lord Danzo would assign him another partner who understood him as much as Fu did. Torune was a skilled shinobi with a killer ninjutsu, but inside, he was just a big softy. He worried constantly about hurting his friends, especially Fu. He was paranoid about accidentally touching Fu during their sparring sessions.

Over the years, Fu had lost count of the number of times Torune would apologise profusely after accidentally touching his bare skin and thus, infecting him with his parasitic insects. The infecting bit was hideously painful, but the apologies were always sweet.

Fu caught himself smiling and quickly pressed his lips together. No. He couldn't allow himself to think of his partner any longer. Torune's well being wasn't his concern anymore.

_I wish I could have stayed your partner for much longer, Torune. Please look after yourself and stop worrying so much._

Taking a deep breath, Fu let it out and looked around again. The mist started to clear and he saw he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He started for it, ignoring the fact that he was still thinking about Torune.

\- o -

The quiet knock on the door made the mother and daughter exchange smiles.

"Come in."

The door opened and Fu's expressionless face appeared around it. His amber eyes glanced around the room before he came in and approached the counter.

"My name is Fu Yamanaka. Are you two expecting me?" he asked.

The two females beamed at him.

"We are indeed," declared the older one. "Even though... well, we wish you didn't need to come here."

"But we _are_ glad you're here," chirped the younger one. "Even though... well, it means that you're..." her voice dropped to a whisper, "you know."

"Dead? Yes, I know," Fu replied in a matter of fact voice that made the two females wince.

"How did I die, exactly?" he asked and frowned when they winced again.

"Never mind that," said the older female hastily. "It's not important, is it, daughter?"

"Not in the least, mother," agreed the younger.

Fu didn't even blink.

"In that case, do you know what happened to my partner, Torune Aburame?"

This time, the two females flinched almost violently. How strange, whatever he asked seemed to be rather upsetting for them.

"Never mind that for now," said the daughter loudly. "The important thing is, we are giving you an opportunity to continue living!"

Fu folded his arms across his chest and raised his eyebrows.

"You don't have to shout," he said reprovingly. "I am standing right before - wait. How can I continue living when I'm already dead?"

The mother waved an airy hand.

"Easily taken care of, love. No need to worry about the how's and the why's. All you need to do is tell us that you want to be alive again."

Fu stared at their careful smiles and hopeful eyes, and it finally hit him then.

"Torune - he's dead too?"

When they both nodded, he slapped his hands on the counter and leaned forward, frowning fiercely.

"When did he die? How did he die?" he demanded, causing the two females to lean back in alarm.

"Just before you did," squeaked the mother.

"His neck was broken," squeaked the daughter.

Fu's eyes flashed angrily.

"Tell me who killed him!" he snarled between clenched teeth.

They blinked up at him and then the mother turned to the daughter.

"He's sooooo protective of Torune!" she said in a loud, gleeful whisper before turning back to Fu. "Sorry, you don't need to know who it was."

Fu glared at her and then he blinked.

"Fine. But you are bringing him back, aren't you?"

The mother stared at him and then turned to the daughter again.

"He already misses him sooooo much!" she said in that same gleeful whisper as before.

The daughter just rolled her eyes.

"They're partners, mother," she said. "And nothing more than that."

The mother turned back to Fu, grinning widely.

"Of course we'll bring Torune back for you," she said. "After all, you two are M-F-"

"Anyway," interrupted the daughter loudly. "It's not yet time for Torune to come here so you'll have to wait a while."

She waved her hand at one of the walls and a door appeared in it.

"Through there is a sitting room complete with sofa, snacks and drinks. Please make yourself comfortable while you wait."

Fu went to open the door and peep inside. There was also a TV set on a low table facing the sofa. He turned back to the two females.

"If Torune died around the same time I did, why isn't he here yet?"

"That's a good question," replied the mother.

"And a difficult one to answer," added the daughter. "Which is why we've set up the DVD player to show you what happened from the time you two died until the time when Torune gets here."

Fu blinked, nonplussed. The two females sighed again.

"Yes, I know we're breaking the fourth wall, but it's the easiest way to handle this," said the mother and nodded towards the door. "Go on love, make yourself comfortable."

Fu nodded and went inside, closing the door behind him.

The two females looked at each other.

"He took that a lot better than I expected," remarked the mother.

The daughter shrugged.

"He's from the Foundation, they're trained to obey orders," she said. "So... now we wait?"

The mother nodded.

"Now we wait," she confirmed.

\- o -

_After an undisclosed amount of time..._

The quiet knock on the door made the mother and daughter smile excitedly.

"Come in!"

The door opened and Torune's masked face appeared around it. He looked around before coming in and approaching the counter.

"My name is Torune Aburame. Are you two expecting me?" he asked.

"Indeed we are!" declared the mother.

Before Torune could say anything else, the door beside him opened and he turned his head. Fu stood there and they both stared at each other.

"Torune! You're here at last!"

"Fu!"

The two females watched with wide eyes and bated breaths, their hands pressed to their mouths... until Torune rushed over to throw his arms around his partner.

"You died too? I asked Shino when I met him. He didn't know what had happened to you, but we were both listed as missing nin."

"Yes, we both died."

"But how? And why are you here?"

Seeing as they had an avid audience, Fu quickly took a step back.

"It's a long story, Torune. I will tell you everything once we get back."

"That's a good idea," said the daughter, looking relieved at not having to explain several episodes' worth of details.

"Yes, you do that and take good care of him," added the mother and winked at them. "In fact, go on taking good each of each other like how you've always done, alright?"

The daughter heaved a large jar of little pink balls onto the counter. She took out one and held it out to Torune.

"Please take this peach pill now for your broken neck."

"Oh. Is that how I died?" Torune asked and swallowed the pill obediently.

"What about me?" Fu asked.

"You don't need one as your body didn't sustain any injuries," the mother explained. "Now, off you go and have a long and happy life as-"

"As partners and best friends!" the daughter quickly added.

"And as lov-"

"Motherrrrrrrr!"

"What?"

"Yes, what's that about?" Torune asked curiously, looking from one to the other.

"Nothing!" Fu said loudly and grabbed his arm. "Come on, let's go."

He turned to bow to the two females.

"Thank you for this second chance," he said.

"Yes, thank you," added Torune who also bowed.

"You're most welcome!" said the daughter.

"Look out for each other now!" added the mother.

As the door closed behind the two shinobi, the two females gave a happy sigh.

"I'm so glad we rescued these two," said the mother.

"Me too," said the daughter. "Their deaths were such a pointless waste. As for who's next..."

They looked at the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Oh!" said the mother.

"Oh!" said the daughter.

"Let's rescue them together since they've been best friends since childhood!"

"They're not the only ones who died in that instant, mother," said the daughter.

"I know, but the others can wait."

"Fine. We'll rescue these two middle aged guys first."

"They are _not_ middle aged, daughter."

"They so are."

"Not!"

"Are!"

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who are those two gents so please tell us! :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 364 (The Ties That Bind)  & 365 (Those Who Dance in the Shadows).

**Characters:** Shikaku Nara & Inoichi Yamanaka

\- Chapter Start -

Two pairs of eyes opened at the same time, darting around and narrowing at the sight of thick white mist. Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka sat up and looked at each other.

"I guess that's it," Shikaku said.

"I know we're dead, but what's up with all this mist?" Inoichi asked.

Shikaku shrugged and got to his feet, holding out a hand to help Inoichi up. He looked around again before raising an eyebrow at him.

"No idea, but just like old times, eh? Ino-Shika... without Cho."

"I'm glad he wasn't at the HQ," Inoichi said grimly.

"Yeah. I'll miss him though."

"We both will."

A shinobi's life was filled with constant danger, what more during a full scale war. Still, it was too soon for them to die. They were in the prime of their lives, their years of experience and skills invaluable and unparalleled even across the other Great Nations.

It was too late now and it couldn't have happened at a worse time with that Ten Tails spitting out those bombs like it was nothing. At least Choza was still alive and could be with his family, hopefully for many more years to come.

But he wasn't the only one who had loved ones. A hand gripping his shoulder hard broke through Inoichi's thoughts.

"Shikamaru and Ino will take our places," Shikaku reminded him with a crooked smile. "The younger Ino-Shika-Cho will surpass us soon and then Choza can retire and well, just wait for grandchildren to come along."

Inoichi tried to smile, but it felt like a grimace. He was sure it looked like one too.

"Grandchildren, huh? That would've been nice to see," he said regretfully.

"Yeah." Shikaku looked around and frowned. "Wait. HQ was destroyed, so shouldn't Lord Ao, Mabui and the others be here as well?"

Inoichi took another look around too.

"Let me guess - we two are the only ones to end up in Hell," he quipped.

Shikaku gave a dry chuckle.

"Perhaps," he said. He took a deep breath and let it out.

"Well, old friend, shall we find out why that is?" he suggested as heartily as he could.

The mist was starting to clear and they saw they were standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. Without a word, they started for it, glad they weren't alone at least.

\- o -

Shikaku knocked on the door. There was a moment's pause and then a female voice called out 'Come in!"

Opening the door, he and Inoichi entered the small hut which was empty except for a counter at the far end and two females sitting behind it.

"Welcome, Shikaku-san and Inoichi-san," said the older of the two, bowing her head.

"Hello, uncles!" chirped the younger, waving a hand.

Shikaku and Inoichi glanced around cautiously.

"Is this Hell?" Shikaku asked, pointblank.

The older female sighed.

"Why does everyone ask us that, daughter?" she grumbled. "Do we _look_ like devils?"

"I think it's because we _don't_ , mother," replied the daughter. "That would be too obvious."

"I guess so." The mother gestured to the two shinobi. "Come closer, please."

Shikaku and Inoichi approached the counter, suspicious gazes still darting around the room.

"Don't worry, this isn't Hell," began the mother with a polite smile.

"So what is this place?" Shikaku asked at once.

"Never you mind where," said the mother hastily.

"But why can't you tell us?" Inoichi asked.

The mother sweatdropped.

"The important thing is, we are giving you an opportunity to continue living!" added the daughter.

Shikaku folded his arms across his chest.

"That isn't possible and you know it."

"It is possible!" insisted the daughter. "But you don't need to know how."

"But why can't you tell us?" Inoichi asked again.

The daughter sweatdropped.

"Just know that we can," said the mother, "as long as you tell us that you want to go back."

Shikaku and Inoichi looked at each other, a silent message passing between them before they nodded and turned back.

"We do want to go back," Inoichi admitted.

"If possible, at the time where we died," Shikaku added, his eyes gleaming with determination, "even though our HQ was destroyed."

It was the mother and daughter's turn to look at each other now while communicating silently, and then they too nodded and turned back.

"That's fine," said the mother blithely. "Now, we've given the others a list of instructions to follow, in exchange for-"

"What others?" Shikaku interrupted her, his eyes narrowing still further.

The two females blinked.

"Others? What others?" asked the mother, her voice an octave higher.

"Moving on!" the daughter said hastily. "Since you two uncles are exemplary shinobi, you are both good to go without any instructions."

She quickly dragged out a large jar of little pink balls and thumped it down onto the counter. Then she removed one and held it out to Shikaku.

"This is a peach pill, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. This is to heal all the injuries to your body caused by the explosion."

Then she retrieved a slightly larger peach pill from under the counter and held it out to Inoichi.

"And this is for you."

Inoichi frowned at it before jerking his head at Shikaku.

"Why is mine bigger than his and you didn't take it from the bottle?" he asked.

The daughter gave a mysterious smile.

"You will know when the time comes," she said.

"Don't worry, all will be well!" beamed the mother. "Please chew the pills before you swallow them and then you can continue being the awesome shinobi and leaders of your clans that you already are!"

Shikaku and Inoichi looked at each other again.

"You know, this reminds me of how Hayate Gekko mysteriously came back to life over three years ago," Shikaku remarked, "despite the multiple sword wounds he had gotten."

"And how the Third survived that Reaper Death Seal after that," Inoichi added thoughtfully.

The two females sweatdropped again.

"Shikamaru also told me about how Asuma's heart had stopped beating for a few minutes when they were fighting two of the Akatsuki," Shikaku continued.

"And I know something else happened to Ino, Shikamaru and Choji, but Ino refused to tell me anything," Inoichi said, nodding.

They raised their eyebrows at the mother and daughter who now sported multiple sweatdrops around their heads.

"Oh, uhm... really?" The mother gave a blinding grin. "Well, always knew you two were awesome!"

"Too sharp by half!" added the daughter with a similar grin. She made shooing motions with her hands. "Off you go now...!"

When the two shinobi continued to stare at them suspiciously, the mother sighed.

"You do know the war is still going on, right?" she reminded them.

Shikaku and Inoichi both blinked and nodded.

"That is true. Thank you for this chance," Shikaku said even though he didn't look happy at not being given a direct answer nor the time to figure it out.

"We do appreciate it," Inoichi added hastily. "Come on, Shikaku!"

He pulled his friend towards the Exit door which swung open for them.

\- o -

The same two pairs of eyes opened a few moments later. Shikaku and Inoichi jumped to their feet and looked around.

"Wow. That was a strange experience," Inoichi said.

"Yeah. But it worked." Shikaku nodded at a plume of smoke rising from a blackened ruin about a hundred metres away. "In fact, that looks like the remains of our HQ."

He turned to Inoichi who spat out something onto his hand and peered at it.

"What the-" Inoichi broke off and smoothed out what appeared to be a small piece of paper.

"'Don't worry, It's effect is only temporary'," he read aloud.

He frowned at Shikaku.

"Do you know what that means? And did your pill contain a message too?"

Shikaku shook his head.

"No. Never mind about the message. We should try to find Lord Ao and Mabui. Or we could join Choza on the field."

Inoichi nodded.

"Which direction should we go?" he asked only to have Shikaku grab his arm.

"Wait! I've just thought of the perfect plan to defeat the Ten Tails once and for all! And Madara Uchiha! And Tobi!"

Inoichi stared at him.

"That's great!"

"Yeah. Can you link me to everyone right now?"

"Sure." Inoichi lifted his right arm and placed his palm against Shikaku's forehead. He closed his eyes and focused.

Nothing happened.

"Are we connected?" Shikaku asked.

Inoichi shook his head and tried again, but he couldn't use his mind linking jutsu right now.

"It's strange," he said. "i'm fine and my chakra levels are restored, but my... mind link power is... gone."

He lowered his hand and they stared at each other. Then Inoichi inhaled sharply and looked at the crumpled piece of paper in his other hand.

"'Don't worry, It's effect is only temporary'," he read it aloud again. The figurative ryo had dropped.

"Those two blocked my power," Inoichi fumed.

"That must mean they don't want us to influence the outcome of the war anymore," Shikaku guessed.

"But they brought us back," Inoichi argued. "We have to do our part to win this war! Ino and Shikamaru are good, but they're not-"

"Not ready?" Shikaku finished for him. "They _are_ ready, my friend. We as parents will always worry about our children, but they and Choji will step up and prove their worth."

Inoichi stared at him and then he smiled. This time, it felt genuine.

"You're right, old friend. I'm sure they, and everyone else, will make us proud."

Shikaku smiled back and nodded.

"So... what do we do now?" Inoichi asked.

"We wait," Shikaku replied simply, "until the effect of your pill wears off and then we can try contacting everyone."

\- o -

As the door closed behind the two shinobi, the two females gave a happy sigh.

"Two more worthy characters rescued," said the mother before wrinkling her nose. "They asked a lot of difficult questions though."

"Of course, seeing as who they are," replied the daughter. "Alright, let's see who's next!"

They looked at the piece of paper taped to the counter and started squealing.

"It's him!" shrieked the mother, bouncing up and down in her seat.

"One of the main reasons why we started this series in the first place!" shrieked the daughter, also bouncing excitedly.

They looked at each other and nodded, struck by the same thought.

"And we are _totally_ going to touch his long, silky, princessy hair before we let him go back," they said solemnly in unison.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who is next so please tell us! :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next one :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 364 (The Ties That Bind)  & 365 (Those Who Dance in the Shadows).

**Characters:** Neji Hyuga

\- Chapter Start -

A pair of wide pale eyes snapped open and then narrowed in puzzlement.

Neji Hyuga was up and in a crouch in one smooth motion, looking at the thick white mist surrounding him. He tried to activate his Byakugan to see if anyone else was around, but was unable to.

Strange.

Standing up, he looked down to find his flak jacket clean and unmarred by blood or holes. There was no sign of the four thick wooden stakes that had pierced his body from the back, thanks to the Cutting Sprigs jutsu.

It didn't matter. He knew he was dead.

On the one hand, he was satisfied he had managed to choose the time and manner of his death, sacrificing his life to protect Lady Hinata and Naruto Uzumaki. On the other, he felt a pang at dying so soon. He didn't regret his action however. It was better that he died instead of those two.

Neji had finally come to terms with many things after losing to Naruto in the chunin exams three years ago. He had gotten over his father's untimely death, accepted Lord Hiashi's regrets and offer to train him further, and gotten along better with Lady Hinata, his cousin. Instead of being an angry loner railing at a fate he couldn't change, he had made friends he trusted and cared about, and even became a jounin.

None of that mattered anymore. Neji dipped his head, his long hair swinging forward as he closed his eyes.

"Win this war, Naruto," he whispered. "Win it for all of us. Become Hokage like you have always dreamed of and take care of everyone, especially Lady Hinata."

When he thought of Team Gai, Neji felt another pang in his chest.

"Thank you for your tutelege, Gai sensei. Your... youthful eccentricities were more often than not a sore point with me, but I have always respected your principles of hard work and determination. The same goes for you, Rock Lee. I wish we could have challenged each other one more time to see who was stronger. And Tenten, I wish I... I mean, I have always admired your skill with weaponry and how much you have grown in a team that relied more on close combat. Farewell, everyone."

Taking a deep breath, Neji raised his head and opened his eyes. The mist had cleared and he saw he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. Without hesitation, he headed for it.

\- o -

The single knock on the door made the mother and daughter sit up in excitement.

"Come in!"

The door opened and Neji stood there, looking around curiously before focusing at the two females sitting behind the counter.

"It's Neji-nii-san!" squealed the younger one.

"Don't just stand there, love. Come innnnnn!" trilled the older one.

Neji approached the counter and frowned when they continued to gaze at him with sparkly eyes, hands clasped under their chins.

"I know the Hyuga are good looking, daughter, but is Neji a sight for sore eyes or _what!_ "

"I _know_ , mother! And look, his hair is every bit as long and silky and _princessy_ as... as..."

By this time, Neji had folded his arms across his chest, his lips pressed in a thin line of embarrassment and exasperation.

"I am sure I haven't met either of you before," he said. "Who are you and where is this place?"

The two females lowered their hands and blinked a few times until their eye sparkles disappeared.

"Oh, don't trouble yourself with trivial matters," said the mother, waving an airy hand.

"All you need to know is that we are giving you an opportunity to continue living," added the daughter, waving her own hand.

Pale eyes widened and then narrowed again.

"That is not possible," Neji said flatly, squashing down a surge of hope. "I died."

The mother and daughter exchanged an 'Oh, we've heard this argument before, haven't we' look before turning back to him.

"Well, don't you think you're a bit too young to die?" prompted the mother.

"Wouldn't you like go to back again?" prompted the daughter.

Neji shook his head.

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter as they clutched at each other.

"Why ever not?!"

"Yes, why not?"

"Because such a thing is not possible," Neji replied curtly. He refused to be swayed by such promises, not when he knew they had no hope of coming true.

"But it _is_ possible," insisted the mother. "Trust us."

"You can go back," added the daughter. "Just say the word."

Neji stared at them, his worry at the battle he had left behind and the safety of his loved ones eating away at him.

"If I say yes, what do you want in return?" he finally asked. There had to be a catch, there always was.

Instantly, the two females were all wide, blinding grins.

"Why, nothing!" said the mother.

"Nothing at all!" said the daughter.

"Really?"

They nodded frantically at him.

"Very well," he said and winced when they started squealing again.

"So, what happens now?" he asked and repeated himself in a louder voice until they stopped squealing.

"Do we have any instructions for him, daughter?" asked the mother.

"Nope, he's perfect just as he is," declared the daughter.

"I know, right? He's tall and handsome and talented and that hair of his- oops." The mother broke off when Neji's scowl went from annoyed to downright deadly.

Meanwhile, the daughter had dragged out a big jar of little pink balls and thumped it onto the counter. She took out one and held it out to Neji.

"This is a peach pill, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. This is to heal your body of the damages caused by those bothersome toothpicks from the Ten Tails."

Neji accepted the pill, still frowning.

"You know about the war that is happening?" he asked in a cautious tone.

The two females nodded primly.

"Of course," said the mother.

"We know everything," added the daughter.

"So - how will it end?" asked Neji.

"Sorry, can't tell you."

"Classified information, you know how it is."

Neji shrugged and turned around to see another door with the word 'Exit' opening.

"Wait - don't go yet!"

Turning back, he saw the two females staring at him with the same clasped hands and sparkly eyes of before.

"... yes?"

They cleared their throats noisily.

"May we touch your hair?"

"Before you go back?"

Neji blinked. What a strange request.

"Why would you - very well, if you wish," he said and approached the counter. Perhaps this was the catch to getting a second chance. He leaned forward and allowed his waist long hair to swing forward.

"Oh, thank you so much," whispered the mother as she combed trembling, reverent fingers through his hair on one side. "So pretty and so soft!"

"Yes, thank you," whispered the daughter as she did the same on his other side. "So shiny and silky!"

Feeling his face turn hot, Neji quickly straightened up, pretending not to see the tears streaming down their thankfully snot free faces.

"Lady Hinata's hair is more beautiful than mine," he said.

"If you say so, love. If you say so," said the mother, dabbing at her eyes. "Go on then and have a long and happy life!"

"Continue being an awesome jounin!" said the daughter, wiping her own eyes

"Thank you," Neji said and turned back to the Exit door, frowning at the loud honking noises coming from behind him.

"Oh, I almost forgot!"

Neji looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. He wasn't going to oblige if they wanted to touch him anywhere else.

"Yes?"

"Don't forget to get married and have lots and lots of babies!" said the mother very quickly as if she had been holding the words back for some time.

Neji stared at her while the daughter face palmed.

"Motherrrrrr, they're in the middle of the Fourth Shinobi War! He's going back to a battlefield!"

"Well, I didn't tell him to get married right now, did I?"

"Besides, I don't have anyone special," Neji said in a dismissive tone, ignoring the pretty face which immediately popped up in his mind's eye, with big brown eyes and dark hair caught up in two buns. He blinked when the two females gave him sly grins.

"Of course you do," said the mother.

"And she's very good with weapons," added the daughter.

"Tenten?" Neji scowled when the two females cheered and giggled. Well, he wasn't going to admit to anything.

"Thank you," he said and gave a short bow before leaving, ignoring the sounds of high pitched squealing just before the door closed.

\- o -

Even before Neji opened his eyes, he knew where he was judging from the sounds and smells around him. He sat up and hissed as his forehead burned - it looked like the Caged Bird Seal had reappeared, but that wasn't important right now.

Looking around, he saw everyone gathered in a big crowd some twenty feet away, facing Madara, Tobi and the Ten Tails. The amazing thing was that they were all covered in red Nine Tails chakra.

Neji stood up and looked down at himself. He was back in his bloodstained and torn flak jacket, but his body was healed, thanks to the peach pill. Activating his Byakugan, he started walking towards the group, knowing Naruto was standing at the front - he wouldn't be anywhere else. The next thing he heard was Shikamaru's voice.

_"Naruto, now's your chance! Do it now!"_

Neji saw Shikamaru kneeling on one knee towards the side, hands held in the Rat's seal. Other Nara were in the same posture - were they holding the Ten Tails in place with Shadow Possession?

Neji looked up to see five of the Ten Tails' gigantic hands soaring up in the air and then several attacks happened almost in unison.

_"Tailed Beast Bomb!" yelled Killer Bee in Eight Tails mode, dropping down from Sai's ink bird._

_"Beam of Light!" shouted Mifune, the samurai._

_"Eight Trigrams Wall of Air Palm!" shouted a row of Hyuga, including Lord Hiashi._

_"Wind Style: Giant Casting Net!" yelled a group of fan wielding Sand shinobi._

Despite the powerful backlash from the combined attack, Neji forced his way to the front of the chakra covered group, gently pushing aside some of the shinobi in his way. He was just in time to hear Lord Hiashi vowing not to let his death be in vain, and Tobi's taunting reply.

_"A curse mark that doesn't go away until you die... A shinobi curse that Hyuga's main and branch families gave rise to... An existence where one can only await one's death inside a cage. It's a nice analogy for our current situation. You're all exactly like that brat who just died a pointless death."_

Neji stepped up beside Naruto, his head held high.

"It isn't pointless when you die for your friends," he stated in a ringing voice.

There was a long moment of stunned silence... and then...

"Neji! You're alive!" He heard Lee's choked voice coming from behind, followed by two bandaged arms grabbing him around the waist and sending him to his knees.

"Neji, the power of youth has brought you back to us!" Gai-sensei's booming voice was followed by two powerful arms that threatened to crush the breath out of him.

"Oh, Neji!" That was Tenten, happy tears flying from her eyes as she threw herself at her group.

More and more of the shinobi realised what was happening and started cheering while Tobi and Madara just stared, speechless, at the sight before them.

When Neji was finally on his feet again, smiling so hard his face hurt, he saw that Team Gai wasn't the only one who had cried.

"Neji-nii-san...!" Lady Hinata had tears running down her face and so did Naruto and the rest of the Konoha Twelve.

Neji smiled at them and felt a hand touch his arm. He turned to see Lord Hiashi standing beside him.

"As soon as this war is over, I will remove the Caged Bird Seal from you and every Side Branch family member," he promised. "Stay alive, Neji."

"I will, uncle," Neji promised and turned to Naruto.

"It seems my time isn't up yet," he said and held out his hand. One touch later and he, too, was enveloped in the warm throbbing chakra of the Nine Tailed Fox.

"Alright!" Naruto shouted and everyone turned to face Tobi and Madara again, determination burning inside them like an inferno. "We are going to do this!"

\- o -

As the door closed behind Neji, the two females gave a long, satisfied sigh.

"We finally did it, daughter!" cheered the mother.

"Yeah, we finally touched a character's lovely hair!" said the daughter and they both giggled and high fived each other,

It took some time for them to finish celebrating and then they looked at the piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Oh, another exemplary shinobi of the Leaf," said the mother approvingly.

"Even though we don't get to save him," said the daughter.

"But we do get to save his limb and that's just as important," reminded the mother.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who is next so please tell us! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 418 (The Blue Beast vs. Six Paths Madara), 419 (Papa's Youth)  & 424 (To Rise Up).

 **Character:** Maito Gai

\- Chapter Start -

Black eyes opened and moved all around, seeing nothing but thick white mist. Two thick eyebrows drew together before their owner nodded to himself.

So this was the afterlife and he, Maito Gai, was dead. He didn't regret what he had done though. Opening the Eighth Gate of Death had been a one time experience where he had gotten to use Sekizo, the Evening Elephant and the Night Guy against Madara. The sheer power and pain of these two moves had been _unbelievable._ He didn't know if he succeeded in destroying Madara since he passed out immediately afterward, but it had been worth it all the same.

Maito Gai, the handsome - and now dead - blue beast of the Hidden Leaf village, sprang to his feet in one smooth motion. He might not be alive anymore, but his soul was still brimming with the Springtime of Youth!

In fact, his entire life had been one glorious youthful ride, filled every waking second with challenging missions or punishing training regimes, pushing his body to the limits and beyond, and exhorting his team to do the same. He had achieved something no one save his dad and himself believed he could - become a full jounin despite having only taijutsu skills.

What a life it had been!

Gai clenched his fists and bowed his head, emotional tears coursing down his face. Yes, there were setbacks and naysayers and countless moments of frustration, but all those only served to make his success all the sweeter.

It had been a life his father would have been proud of, he knew. Deep inside his heart, Gai always dreamed of going out with a bang the way Maito Duy did, giving up his life to protect something - or someone - precious enough. He would get to see his father again... but not the ones he had left behind.

His best friend and eternal rival, Kakashi Hatake.

The members of Team Gai; Rock Lee, Neji - whose return to life was nothing short of a miracle - and Tenten.

Lady Tsunade and everyone in the Allied Shinobi Forces whether from the Leaf or from the other villages - they were all his comrades now!

More tears streamed down Gai's face, but this time, they were sorrowful ones. He didn't regret giving up his life, but knowing he would never wake up to another beautiful day in his beloved village, never challenge Kakashi to yet another rock, paper, scissors contest or a sushi eating one, never go on missions again... it hurt.

"Kakashi, Lee, Neji, Tenten, everyone... I wish you all a long and happy life," he said solemnly. He might look and feel fine now, but his body was likely crumbling into ash in the physical world. There was nothing he could do now, but move on.

Two large, calloused hands came up and dashed away his tears. A deep inhalation served the dual purpose of filling his lungs with air and sucking up his snot at the same time.

Opening his eyes, Gai looked around him. The mist had cleared and he saw he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He headed towards it, wondering what he would find there.

\- o -

The single loud knock on the door made the mother and daughter smile and sit up straighter.

"Come in!"

The door was flung open and Maito Gai stood there in his nice guy pose, thumbs up and trademark toothy grin, complete with sparkle.

_Ping!_

"I am Maito Gai, the handsome blue beast of the Hidden Leaf village!" he announced. "May I come in?"

"Of course," said the older female. "Oh my, your eyebrows are truly magnificent, so much thicker than Chiriku's!"

"Hi, Gai-sensei!" chirped the younger one before frowning at the other. "No name dropping, mother."

"Oops."

Gai approached the counter, those magnificent eyebrows meeting in a frown as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Chiriku? Is that name supposed to mean something to me?" he asked and frowned when the mother and daughter giggled, looking relieved for some reason.

"Never mind," said the mother in a soothing voice. "But Naruto's nickname for you, Bushier Brow-sensei, is spot on!"

"Don't say that, mother. He might not like it."

"I'm sure he doesn't mind, daughter."

Gai threw back his head and laughed heartily.

"Indeed I don't. Naruto can call me anything he likes," he declared before looking around. "If this is the afterlife, when can I meet Might Duy, my father?"

The two females' smiles slipped.

"I'm sorry, you won't meet him this time around since your stay here is a very short one," said the mother.

Gai's eyes widened, eyebrows separating and going up.

"What? But I opened the Eight Gate of Death which inevitably results in... well, death!"

"Yes, you did and came very close to dying," confirmed the daughter, "but someone will save you," looking at a stopwatch with a pink swirly sticker on its back, "any minute now."

Gai's eyebrows shot up again.

"Is it Kakashi?"

They shook their heads.

"No, it's not. You will find out who it is when you go back."

Gai frowned again, unaware of the two females tracking every movement of his thick eyebrows.

"Then why am I here?"

"That is a good question," said the mother approvingly.

"It's for the sole purpose of saving you from spending the rest of your life in a red wheelchair," explained the daughter, holding out a little pink ball. "This is a peach pill, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. This is to heal your right leg and save the toes on your right foot which... well, crumbled to ash from that Night Guy move."

Gai nodded and swallowed the pill.

"I felt the bones in my lower right leg shattering from the power of that last kick," he said soberly and ignored the two females wincing. "So, when will this mysterious person save my life?"

"Right... about... now!" announced the daughter. "Alright, you can go back, but you will still be unconscious so no more fighting for you."

Gai stared at them, eyebrows crinkling in dismay.

"But what about Kakashi? And Lee and Gaara and everyone else?"

"Never you mind, things will work out," said the daughter mysteriously and pointed to a door marked Exit which swung open.

"Off you go now, Gai," said the mother with a warm smile.

"And mind you don't use that Eighth Gate thingy anymore," admonished the daughter in a stern voice.

"I will try my best not to," Gai replied solemnly and gave a deep bow. "Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome! Continue being an awesome jounin, Gai-sensei!" said the daughter.

"And keep your friends close to your heart," added the mother. "Especially Kakashi Hatake, you best friend and lov-"

"Motherrrrrrr!"

"What?"

"You're doing it again! They're just friends!"

"For now."

"They've been friends for years!"

"Things can change."

"Not this one."

"Yes, it can."

"No, it can't."

A pointed throat clearing made them turn to see Gai frowning.

"What about my youthful rival and myself?" he wanted to know.

"Oh, nothing! Nothing at all!" said the daughter. "Off you go now, Gai-sensei."

"I will." Gai gave two thumbs up and grinned, showing off a double sparkle.

_Ping! Ping!_

\- o -

The mother and daughter were still blinking colourful spots from their eyes a whole minute after the Exit door closed.

"I'm so glad we managed to save his leg, mother," said the daughter.

"So am I. It would be too cruel for him to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair."

They smiled in relief and looked at the paper taped on the counter.

"And we've finally come to the end of the Fourth Shinobi war!"

"Yay! We can start bringing back the others, starting with those two!"

"Should they come back at his age or hers?" asked the mother.

"His of course, otherwise their third teammate will feel even guiltier than he did before," said the daughter.

"And we don't want him to spend anymore time in front of the Memorial Stone, do we?"

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who are the next two people so please tell us! :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

 **General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

 **Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 391 (Madara Uchiha Arises), 472 (You Better...), 473 (Sharingan Again) and 479 (Naruto Uzumaki!).

 **Characters:** Obito Uchiha & Rin Nohara

\- Chapter Start -

Obito Uchiha opened his eyes and looked at the thick white mist around him. He got to his feet, frowning. There wasn't any mist when he was here with Rin earlier.

"Rin?" he called. "Are you there?"

Silence.

"Rin! Can you hear me?" Obito shouted. He wasn't alarmed, he wasn't! He just-

"Obito?"

And there she was, appearing out of the mist, pretty and smiling and forever twelve years old. But that was alright, because he always felt like his awkward twelve year old self whenever he was around her.

"Rin, thank goodness!" he exclaimed and grabbed her hands. "Is this the afterlife? Why is it so misty? It wasn't before..."

Rin looked around and frowned.

"I don't know. It was never like this."

"Really?" Obito said. Were they in a different place now that he was finally here for good?

"So, did you get to help Kakashi?"

"Yup!" Obito beamed at her. "He's not the famous copy ninja for nothing. He came up with our Susanoo - it was awesome! - and even shuriken kamui, and we defeated Kaguya! Together with Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura, I mean."

Rin laughed happily at that, and Obito felt a hundred feet tall.

"You can tell me the whole story later," she assured him and then she paused. "You're not going away again, are you? No one else to help?"

Obito shook his head solemnly.

"I'm done with that. From now on, I'm going to stay with you," he promised.

"That's great!" Rin smiled at him before looking around again. "Look, the mist is clearing."

They were standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. Obito looked at Rin and she nodded. Hand in hand, they walked towards the hut.

Obito held his head high. He had made a mess of his life starting from the moment Rin died so many years ago, but he had done his best to atone for it at the end, and both she and Kakashi had forgiven him. He would willingly accept any punishment... as long as Rin was with him.

\- o -

At the double knock on the door, the two sniffling females behind the counter looked up from a small TV screen and smiled tearfully.

"Come in," they called and hid the screen under the counter, bringing out a box of tissues instead.

The door opened and Obito and Rin came in. The two females immediately started tearing up again.

"They're both the same age, mother," sniffed the younger female.

"Yes, and they look adorable," sobbed the mother.

Obito and Rin looked at the crying females in surprise.

"Hello, are you two alright?" Rin asked.

"Is this the afterlife? What's with the waterworks?" Obito asked blankly. Tears were the last thing he expected to see here, unless they were his own.

"Oh! Nothing... nothing at all," mumbled the mother, mopping at her eyes. "We were just watching the episode where you-"

"Please excuse us!" interrupted the daughter in a loud voice.

They blew their noses noisily and at length, making their audience wince. Then the pile of soggy tissues were disposed of and the two females - sporting pink noses and puffy eyes - smiled at them.

"You two look so cute together! Come up to the counter, children," invited the mother.

"They're not children anymore, mother," said the daughter.

"I know, but Rin died when she was around twelve and Obito looks just as twelve-ish as she does!"

The daughter shook her head before turning to them.

"Anyway," she said, "you two are here because we want to give you an opportunity to go back."

"Back where?" asked Rin.

"Back to being alive again."

Obito and Rin looked at each other and then at the daughter.

"But I died about... what, nineteen years ago?" Rin said.

"And I finally get to be with her," Obito said, "after waiting the same number of years."

"We know that," replied the mother.

"Do we _ever_ ," muttered the daughter and mumbled something about 'endless flashbacks'.

"But _you_ died so young, Rin, and _you_ , were so heartbroken you became a villain, Obito."

"Well, I'm not heartbroken anymore," Obito pointed out.

The mother's right eye twitched.

"The point is," said the daughter hastily, "we want you two to go back, if only to alleviate Kakashi's longstanding guilt at not being able to protect you both."

"Well, I don't think he feels guilty anymore," Obito said. "We made our peace with each other and he even smiled at me before I came here!"

The daughter's right eye twitched.

"He did?" Rin laughed happily. "That's great!"

The mother and daughter gave them aghast looks.

"Are you saying you two don't want to go back?" asked the mother faintly.

"Even though you can?" asked the daughter in a similar voice.

"Yup!" said Obito and Rin together.

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter as they clutched at each other, sending the tissue box flying.

"You must go back!" cried the mother.

"Yes, you must!" cried the daughter. "We've got it all planned out!"

"Got what planned out? And why?" Obito asked. "We're finally together so that's all that matters."

"And I can keep an even closer eye on Obito now," added Rin.

The mother and daughter looked at each other and sighed. Then they turned back to the couple and the mother cleared her throat.

"Are you sure you want to stay forever twelve?" she prompted, but Obito and Rin just blinked at her.

"Gah! Marriage! Babies!"

"Marriage? Bab-oh!" Rin blushed and bit her lip, glancing sideways at Obito who was looking around as if expecting to see a few babies crawling around.

 _"Exactly,"_ said the mother smugly. "You can't get married and have babies if you're... well, this young."

"Well, they probably can, but that's not the point," muttered the daughter. "Besides, not everyone wants babies, mother."

"Yes, they do."

"No, they don't."

Rin poked Obito in the ribs. He looked at her.

"Do you want babies?" she whispered.

Obito stared at her. Then the ryo dropped and his entire face turned red.

"Rin!"

"Well, do you?"

"What - _now?!_ "

Rin's mouth fell open and she shook her head furiously, blushing harder.

"Of course not now!" she exclaimed. Then she tipped her head to one side. "But... well, someday, I _would_ like to have your babies," she whispered.

"Oh." Obito stared at her, his cheeks as red as hers. Then he burst out grinning and turned to the two females who were staring at them with clasped hands and starry eyes.

"Is your offer still open?" he asked.

They beamed at him.

"We thought you'd never ask!" declared the mother.

The daughter quickly reached under the counter and brought out a large jar of little pink balls. She took out a few and held them out to Obito.

"These are peach pills, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. This is to create a new body for you since yours crumbled to dust, thanks to Kaguya's All-Killing Ash Bones."

Obito accepted the pills and watched as she took out a few more and handed them to Rin.

"And this is to create a new body for you, Rin, since your old one... well, can't be used anymore."

Obito and Rin nodded and swallowed their pills.

"So what happens now?" Rin asked a bit anxiously. "I'm not going back as a twelve year old, am I?"

"What?!" Obito burst out. "Hey, if she's going back at that age then so am I!"

The mother and daughter just laughed and shook their heads.

"Don't worry, you will both go back as thirty one year olds," explained the mother. "That's Obito and Kakashi's current age." *

"Sorry, Rin," added the daughter. "You will miss out on your teenage years and the first ten years of your adult life, but I'm sure you'd prefer to be the same age as Obito."

"Yes, indeed," Rin said. "Besides, I don't feel like I'm twelve anymore, not after waiting so long for Obito."

Obito sweatdropped and gave her a sheepish grin.

"Off you go now, the two of you, and say 'Hi' to Kakashi-sensei for us," added the daughter, waving her hand at a door marked 'Exit' which swung open.

"He didn't let us touch his lovely silver hair, you know," muttered the mother.

"Why would you want to do that?" Obito frowned.

"Wait - Kakashi was here?" asked Rin.

"Only for a very short while," said the daughter. "He might tell you about it if you asked nicely."

"Or he might not," muttered the mother.

"Well... you can touch _my_ hair if you like," Obito offered generously.

"Er, never mind," said the mother. "Have a wonderful life, you two."

"We will, thank you so much!" Rin bowed. "I can't believe this is real!"

"Me too," said Obito, but he wasn't smiling now. "I was sure I would be in for a lifetime of Hell. In fact, I'm not sure if I deserve this chance, but I'll take it." Then he grinned, showing a glimpse of the mischievous boy he had once been, "I think I'll give Kakashi a run for his money at being Hokage!"

"Atta boy," said the daughter.

"And don't forget to get married and have lots and lots of-"

"Motherrrrrrr!"

Obito and Rin gave a quick bow each and fled out the door.

\- o -

_Two days after the end of the Fourth Shinobi War..._

Obito and Rin stood in the shadows, quietly watching the lone figure in front of the Memorial Stone of the Leaf Village.

"I can't believe it, he still feels guilty about our deaths," complained Obito.

"Then it's time we put a stop to it," Rin said and smiled at him.

Obito smiled back with adoring eyes. Rin had been a pretty kunoichi at twelve and now, she was a stunningly beautiful woman. The hole in his heart was completely filled at last.

They walked up to Kakashi and Obito cleared his throat.

\- o -

As the soft glow of the morning sun spread over the grounds, Kakashi made his way to the Memorial Stone and stood before it, hands tucked into his trouser pockets.

"Obito, I'm happy I got to say goodbye to you," he said. "You're with Rin now, so you can rest in peace."

He sighed.

"As for me, I will soon be the Sixth Hokage, just like you said. I guess Lady Tsunade has had enough. So I won't have time to come talk to you and Rin as often as I have in the past, but I'm sure you two will understand."

He smiled beneath his mask, his heart feeling lighter than it had for the longest time.

"Hey, Kakashi! Didn't I tell you not to feel guilty anymore?"

Kakashi froze, his heart skipping a beat before he whirled around. His eyes widened in shock at the two people standing there hand in hand. One was a male with dark spiky hair, dark eyes and a familiar cocky grin. There were no pressure scars on the right side of his face. The other was a beautiful brown haired kunoichi with large eyes and purple markings on each cheek.

"Obito?! Is that you? And who - Rin!"

\- o -

As the Exit door closed, the mother stared at it, biting her lip.

"I hope this doesn't mess things up too much for the Leaf Village, daughter," she said worriedly.

"A bit late for that, don't you think?" said the daughter, her voice muffled as she tucked the jar of peach pills under the counter.

"How many pills did you give Rin?"

"Three since she needed a new body."

"So Obito got three as well?"

"Nope, he got four."

The mother blinked.

"Four? Isn't that one too many?"

The daughter straightened up and gave an innocent smile.

"Well, he's an Uchiha, isn't he?"

"But his new body comes with two eyes and he shouldn't have any problems awakening his Sharingan. He's an S-class shinobi."

"But he won't have the Mangekyo Sharingan."

"Is that why you gave him an extra peach pill? So that he has the Mangekyo?"

The daughter gave a sunny smile.

"So that he has the _Eternal_ Mangekyo," she said happily.

The mother blinked and then she shrugged.

"Oh. Well, let's see who's next on the list."

They both looked at the piece of paper taped to the counter and then at each other, eyes wide.

"It's his turn at last," whispered the mother. "Another S-class shinobi."

"And the unsung hero of the Hidden Leaf," whispered the daughter.

"I'm so nervous now!"

"So am I!"

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who is next so please tell us! :)

*We're assuming Kakashi, Obito and Rin are the same age.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter, its the longest chapter yet :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 138 (The End), 339 (I Will Love You Always) and 479 (Naruto Uzumaki!).

**Characters:** Itachi Uchiha... together with a special tomodachi.

\- Chapter Start -

Dark eyes in a pale, handsome face opened slowly and blinked once. There was no change to Itachi Uchiha's expression as he sat up. He knew he was back in the afterlife even though it was now shrouded with a thick white mist.

Did it mean he was here for good this time?

He hoped so. He had no wish to be reanimated again. Meeting up with his little brother Sasuke - even getting the chance to finally show him the truth - couldn't make up for the pain of seeing the betrayed shock in his eyes and saying goodbye to him a second time.

Things didn't always go according to plan. Sometimes, they went straight to Hell.

Sasuke had still found out about the dark secret his 'perfect', cherished nii-san had been shouldering all this time. Itachi couldn't deny it was a horrible burden to bear, taking all those lives when he himself hadn't been much more than a child. With Shisui robbed of his chance to avert the coup d'etat though, there had been no other choice to save their beloved village.

"No matter what, I will love you always, Sasuke," Itachi repeated his last words in a whisper, "but I still hope you won't turn your hatred on the Leaf Village."

Closing his eyes, he saw another face in his mind's eye, one with wide set earnest blue eyes, belonging to a boy whose conviction and faith never wavered.

"Naruto, please don't give up on the one you consider to be your brother and best friend. Sasuke needs you more than he thinks, more than _you_ think."

Itachi took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he stood up. The mist was clearing and he saw he was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He would get to see tou-san and kaa-san again, and Shisui too. He just hoped he wouldn't meet with the other Uchiha he had killed that fateful night.

\- o -

The single knock on the door made the mother and daughter sit bolt upright, quivering with jittery excitement.

"It's him!" squealed the mother.

"Come in!" squealed the daughter.

The door opened and Itachi Uchiha stood there in a long red cloak, dark hair tied in its usual low ponytail. He walked in and bowed his head.

"Hello. My name is Itachi Uchiha," he introduced himself to the two females behind the counter, staring at him with wide sparkly eyes. He waited for them to say something, but they didn't.

A minute passed.

And then another.

Two delicate eyebrows drew together as Itachi wondered if they were caught in a genjutsu that didn't come from him.

"Release."

Still nothing happened. Hmm. Not a genjutsu then. He cleared his throat and the two females blinked.

"Oh! Oh yes, we know who you are!"

"We know everything!"

"And you look good."

"Very good."

"Especially your hair. Do you always tie it like that?"

Itachi approached the counter, taking in the entire room without appearing to look around.

"Is this the afterlife?" he asked, but the two females didn't answer.

Oh. They were staring at him again.

He gave a a cough and the younger female blinked before nudging the elder.

"I think he asked us a question, mother."

"Mmm? Did he now?"

"Yes. And I think he's waiting for an answer."

"Mmm hmm? Is he now?"

Uttering a silent sigh, Itachi made a show of looking around the hut, turning his head right and left. The two females started and shook their heads rapidly.

"Sorry! No, this isn't the afterlife, but-"

"- you don't need to know where it is-"

"- or who we are-"

"- or anything like that."

Itachi nodded.

"I see. What can you tell me then?"

"Well, now that the Fourth Shinobi War has ended-"

In the blink of an eye - not that they even had time to blink - Itachi was right before them, palms flat on the counter as he leaned forward. The two females squeaked and scooted backwards.

"It has? When? Who won? Where's Sasuke? Is he alright?"

"Whoa... Let's see. Yes. A few months ago. The Light - uh, the Allied Shinobi Forces won," said the mother.

"Sasuke's at the Leaf Village," continued the daughter, "he's... alive."

She gave a forced grin when Itachi frowned at her.

"What do you mean-"

"Anyway, we want to give you an opportunity to go back," added the mother hurriedly.

Itachi tried to activate his Sharingan, but for some reason, he couldn't.

"Using the reanimation jutsu?" he asked.

They shook their heads solemnly.

"Then it can't be done," he stated.

"Yes, it can," insisted the daughter, "but you don't need to know how."

"Just tell us you want to go back, love," added the mother with an encouraging smile.

"Why would you want me to go back?"

"So that you can live a longer and happier life," replied the mother.

"If anyone deserves that, it's you," assured the daughter.

"Thank you for the offer," Itachi said gravely, "but I decline."

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter as they clutched at each other.

"You have to go back!"

"You can't say no!"

"Why would you even say no?"

Itachi sighed.

"If you know everything then you should also know there is no point in me going back. I slaughtered my entire clan. I defected from my village. I became a missing-nin. I antagonised my younger brother and fanned his hatred of me every chance I got. I withheld the truth from him. I joined a criminal organisation and helped kidnap the jinchuriki and took part in killing them by extracting their tailed beasts. I-"

He paused and blinked when he saw the tears streaming down their faces.

"We know, we know everything," sobbed the mother, pulling tissues from a box on the counter.

"Stop with the angst already," sobbed the daughter, pulling her own share of tissues.

Itachi watched them for a moment and then he sighed.

"I have committed many atrocities," he continued, "but my biggest regret is putting Sasuke through all that. I intended for him to kill me in the end. I succeeded in that, but he found out the truth and now, he wants to destroy the Leaf Village."

To his disappointment, they shook their heads.

"Sorry, we still can't tell you what happened," said the mother.

"But you'd find out if you go back," said the daughter with a hopeful smile.

Itachi hesitated. He couldn't deny he was tempted, but before he could say anything, a knock sounded on the door. The two females looked taken aback.

"Are we expecting anyone at this time, daughter?" asked the mother, glancing at a piece of paper taped to the counter.

"Not that I know of," answered the daughter. "The others are... Oh well, come in!"

The door opened, showing a young man with untidy dark hair and dark eyes.

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter as they clutched at each other for the second time, sending the tissue box flying.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

It's not your turn yet!"

"How did the mist let you find this place?"

They subsided into silence when they realised they were being ignored, the two Uchiha staring at each other as if...

"Shisui."

"Itachi."

"... as if we don't even exist," whispered the mother.

"I know, right?" whispered the daughter.

They stared too, unwilling to even blink. The scene unfolding before them now was one that should not be interrupted for all the ryo in the world.

It was Shisui who moved first, body flickering to Itachi in a heartbeat and throwing his arms around him.

The mother and daughter clapped their hands to their red cheeks and squealed. Not a sound emerged from their open mouths, but several dogs from one of the neighbouring character rescue huts clapped their paws over their ears and whined in distress.

At length, the two Uchiha stepped back and exchanged sheepish smiles, blinking a few times. Shisui grabbed Itachi's shoulders and took a closer look at him.

"How old were you when you died, Itachi? Twenty?"

"Twenty one."

"So eight years have passed?"*

"Yes."

Shisui nodded.

"Time passes differently for me, but I know most of what happened. I-" he broke off and glanced at the two staring females behind the counter.

"Forgive my interruption. My name is Shisui Uchiha," he introduced himself and bowed.

"We know," they beamed at him.

"They know everything," Itachi muttered.

"They do?" Shisui glanced at him before turning to the females. "So why are we two here?"

"You came at the perfect time, love. We want to give you two the opportunity to be alive again," explained the mother.

"Both of you are exemplary shinobi who deserve to live a long, happy and peaceful life," said the daughter.

"As best friends and possibly even as lov-"

"Please say yes!" interrupted the daughter loudly.

"What were you about to say?" Shisui asked the grinning mother while Itachi raised his eyebrows at the daughter.

"Your words suggest the Leaf Village is still standing. So Sasuke didn't destroy it?" he asked.

"We're not admitting to anything. Just say you want to go back already!" the two females chorused.

Itachi and Shisui exchanged a long look while the mother and daughter waited with bated breaths, turning blue in the process.

Finally, the two Uchiha turned back to them.

"Yes," Shisui said. "I don't know how you will manage it seeing as I died many years ago, but I would like to see the Leaf Village again now that there is finally a chance for peace."

"Yes for me as well," Itachi said with a small smile. "I had hoped to see my parents, but I - and they - would prefer that I see Sasuke again... even if I am still considered a missing nin by everyone else."

The two females gulped in air before beaming happily at them.

"Naruto and Kakashi know the truth as well," they assured him, "and so will everyone else."

"No, that's not necessary," Itachi said, "I don't want to cause trouble-"

"We insist," said the mother firmly and handed a sealed envelope to Shisui. "Please see that the third Hokage gets this. Kakashi should read it too."

"I will," Shisui promised and flashed Itachi a smile. "Sorry, but I'm with them. I can't be best friends with a missing nin now, can I? I want to be best friends with a hero!"

Itachi just eyed him and then the two loudly squealing females with resignation.

"So, what now?" he asked once they had run out of breath.

"This." The daughter heaved a large jar of peach pills onto the counter, mumbling something about how it was still as heavy as when they first started this series. She counted out four pills and handed them to Itachi, and did the same for Shisui.

"These are peach pills, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. These will create new bodies for each of you since your old ones can't be used. Shisui-san, you will have both your eyes and be your actual age if you hadn't died. Itachi-san, you too will have both your eyes and a healthy body."

They nodded and swallowed the pills.

"Off you go now and have a wonderful life, one much better than the one you had before," said the mother.

"Take care of Sasuke and your beloved village, and support Kakashi-sensei and Naruto," added the daughter.

"Oh, and get married and have lots and lots of babies! Don't leave the responsibility of rebuilding the Uchiha clan solely to Sasuke and Ob-"

"Anyway," interrupted the daughter, shaking her head at the mother, "it's time to go."

"But we don't have anyone special in our lives," said Shisui.

"Well then! In that case, you two can just-"

"Motherrrrrrrr! They're just friends!"

"No, they're more than that."

"They're best friends and that's all there is to it!"

"If you say so," the mother pouted and waved a hand at a door marked Exit. "Time to go, loves."

"Thank you for this opportunity," Shisui said and bowed. "We will do our best."

"Yes, thank you," Itachi said and bowed as well.

"Wait - we almost forgot! Itachi?"

"Yes?"

The two females took a deep breath and stared at him with wide, beseeching eyes, hands clasped under their chins.

"Maywepleasetouchyourlovelyhairprettypleasewithmangekyosharinganontop?"

Shisui tipped his head to one side as he puzzled out the joined together words. Itachi just frowned.

"Why would you want to do that?"

"We just want to," said the mother.

"Pretty please?" asked the daughter.

When Itachi hesitated, Shisui shoved him forward.

"Don't disappoint the ladies, Itachi. Go on."

Itachi sighed and approached the counter, bringing his long ponytail over one shoulder and bending forward.

"Bless you, Shisui, love," said the mother as she touched the long dark strands with reverent fingers. "Oh my, it is like silk."

"Thank you, Shisui-san!" chirped the daughter as she leaned forward and did the same thing. "So soft and smooth."

"Uhm, thank you," Itachi said and backed away from the counter, shooting a glare at Shisui who ignored him.

"You're welcome," Shisui told the mother and daughter with a grin. "Bye now!"

With a final bow, they went out the Exit door.

\- o -

_Back at the Leaf Village..._

Sasuke, clad in a long dark grey robe, walked away from the main gates, leaving Kakashi and Sakura standing there. Two pairs of dark eyes watched from the shadow of a large tree.

"Did you see what he did to that girl?" whispered Shisui.

Itachi smiled. It looked like his habit of poking Sasuke in the forehead had rubbed off on his younger brother. It was... cute.

"Can we show ourselves now?" Shisui sounded impatient.

"A little while longer. Naruto has been waiting patiently for his best friend."

They watched as Sasuke stopped walking and turned to where Naruto was, and the battered headband that was held out and accepted. With a warm smile, Itachi stepped out from the shadows and approached them, Shisui by his side.

Naruto saw them first, eyes opening wide and mouth dropping open. Then Sasuke sucked in a breath and spun around. In the next instant, Kakashi and Sakura were there as well.

Itachi ignored them and held out his arms to Sasuke, fighting back tears.

"Sasuke."

"Nii-san!" Sasuke stared at him in disbelief. Then his right eye flared red and his face seemed to crumple.

It is you. How - how are you alive...?"

And Itachi found himself being hugged even tighter than Shisui had hugged him. Tears welled up and spilled over, but he didn't care. There were excited voices in the background, but they weren't important. What was important was that Sasuke was alive and the Leaf Village was still standing. Itachi vowed silently to never leave his younger brother alone again. Both of them had suffered too much. All he wanted now was-

Wait. Something didn't feel right.

Frowning, Itachi drew back, his right hand sweeping the line of Sasuke's left shoulder and down his arm, only to encounter nothingness after a few inches. He tore the long robe right off Sasuke, staring in disbelief at the empty left sleeve.

"What happened?" he asked.

"It's a long story, nii-san," Sasuke said shakily. He wiped the tears from his cheeks with his right hand and tried to smile.

"But we'll tell it to you if you like," Naruto offered, coming up to stand beside his friend.

Itachi's eyebrows shot up when he saw the empty right sleeve of Naruto's white shirt.

"I would indeed," he said and clasped the blond's shoulder. "It's good to see you again, Naruto."

"But first," Shisui cut in cheerfully, "I have a letter for the Sandaime, from two females whom I think he will know."

"Two... females?" Kakashi asked, a wary look in his eyes.

"Oh yeah, they mentioned you as well," Shisui said with a grin. "Care to tell us your story some day?"

Kakashi just eye smiled at him before glancing at Sakura who still hadn't said a word.

"I think a good long talk is in order, but not in the village just yet."

Crouching down, he bit his thumb and slammed his palm on the ground.

"Summoning Jutsu!"

Pakkun blinked up at him from a puff of smoke.

"How can I help you, Lord Hokage?"

"Very funny, Pakkun. Could you please..." and the rest of the words were whispered in the pug's ear.

"Got it. Be right back."

Kakashi stood up as everyone watched Pakkun race towards the main gates.

"Hey, where's Pakkun going?" Naruto asked.

"Just be patient, Naruto. This won't take more than a couple of minutes."

In the time it took for Shisui to hug Sasuke, and for Itachi to introduce his best friend to Naruto and Sakura, Pakkun was back with someone. Someone who did a double take when he spotted Itachi, eyes flaring red and then face turning pale.

"I-Itachi? I don't believe it!" Obito both looked and sounded stunned.

Itachi narrowed his eyes at this unfamiliar Uchiha... although there _was_ something very familiar about his voice.

"Tobi," he said after a moment, his voice deadly soft. "Or should I call you 'Madara'?"

When Obito's eyes widened in panic, Kakashi's hand shot out, clamping tightly around his wrist.

"Thank you, Pakkun. Please let Shikamaru know I'll be back in a couple of hours," he said and the pug nodded and raced off again. "Obito, where's Rin?"

"She's at the hospital for her morning shift, but what's-"

"That's fine. We'll only be gone an hour or two."

"Gone? An hour or two? Where are we going?"

Kakashi's eyes crinkled in another smile.

"To your time-space dimension. We need a private place to talk. All of us," he explained, indicating everyone.

Obito looked around and sighed, shoulders slumping a bit.

"Alright. Link hands, everyone," he said.

A few seconds later, there was no one standing there.

\- o -

As the Exit door closed, the two females took a huge sigh and let it out, looking happy but exhausted.

"It was a good thing Shisui appeared when he did," remarked the mother, "but one Uchiha is already overwhelming, two were almost... too much!"

She stared at the Exit door, biting her lip.

"Are you still worried, mother?" asked the daughter.

"The Leaf Village now has four very skilled Uchiha alive and kicking. Do you know the collective power they wield?!"

The daughter looked unconcerned.

"Let's see," she said and starting ticking off on her fingers.

"Itachi is an S-class shinobi, a genjutsu expect and has the Tsukuyomi, Amaterasu and Susanoo. Obito is also an S-class shinobi with the Kamui. Shisui is a jonin and is known as Shisui of the Body Flicker. Sasuke has the Rinnegan, Amaterasu, Susanoo, Chidori and goodness knows what else."

"The Leaf Village is pretty OP * now, don't you think?" said the mother.

"Kakashi-sensei can rest easy as Hokage," grinned the daughter.

"Assuming the Uchiha remain on his side," said the mother and crossed her fingers.

"I'm sure they will. Let's see who's next!"

They both looked at the paper taped to the counter.

"The other two known victims of the HQ explosion," said the mother. "Let's bring them back together even though they're from different villages."

The daughter sighed.

"You're going to pull that marriage and baby spiel on them, aren't you?"

"Of course since one's a male and the other's a female," sniffed the mother and grinned. "But not with each other, don't worry."

"Well, considering the age gap, that's a relief!" declared the daughter and they both giggled.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who the next two characters are so please tell us! :)

*Overpowered

*We can't find Shisui's actual age so we're assuming he's around 3 years older than Itachi.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author Notes:** Hello, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden 364 (The Ties That Bind).

**Character:** Ao  & Mabui

\- Chapter Start -

Ao opened his eyes and took in the thick white mist surrounding him with resignation. He knew where this place was, and why he was here. There was no way he or anyone at the Allied Shinobi Forces HQ could have survived a direct hit from a Tailed Beast Bomb.

Well, at least he hadn't died alone. Shikaku Nara, Inoichi Yamanaka and the other shinobi who had been in that building should be here too.

Getting to his feet, Ao peered through the mist, but couldn't see anyone. He tried to activate his stolen Byakugan, but couldn't do that either.

"Hello," he called out. "Is anyone there? Hello?"

"Hello," came a female voice. "Who is there?"

A figure appeared out of the mist. It was the Fourth Raikage's personal assistant.

"Mabui." Ao was relieved to see a familiar face even if he didn't show it.

"Oh, it's you, Lord Ao," Mabui said with a relieved smile. Then she looked around. "Where are the others?"

"I don't know."

They spent a few minutes calling out the other people's names, but no one else appeared.

"Well," Mabui said and tried to smile. "It seems the others have survived. I'm glad Lord A and Lady Hokage had gone to intercept Lord Bee and Naruto before the blast."

Ao gave a curt nod, his thoughts going to his Lady Mizukage, Mei Terumi. With her striking good looks and her double kekkei genkai of Lava and Boil Release, she was one hell of a kunoichi. Her image appeared in his mind's eye - tall and slender with long red hair, blue eyes, and a sweet smile - but another image superimposed itself over hers, making him scowl.

Young Chojuro whose bumbling, blushing and stammering - especially when the Lady Mizukage talked to him - always annoyed Ao. That wasn't how a real man should act, especially one chosen to protect her. She shouldn't keep pampering him, and worse, _smiling_ at him when he had done nothing to deserve it!

Not for the first time, Ao found himself grinding his teeth. His Lady Mizukage always spoke so sweetly to Chojuro and whispered death threats to Ao who couldn't for the life of him figure out what he had done wrong.

"Lord Ao, are you alright?"

Ao took in a deep breath and let it out. It didn't matter anymore. He was dead so he didn't have to be annoyed at Chojuro's immature behaviour or the Lady Mizukage's baffling one anymore. He had lived his life as best he could and done his utmost to serve his Hidden Mist village as a Hunter-nin, and then as the Captain of the Sensor Division of the Allied Shinobi Forces.

"I'm fine, Mabui," he said curtly. "I just hope we will win this war against Madara and Tobi."

"I'm sure we will," Mabui reassured him. "We have five strong Kage on our side."

Ao nodded and squashed any lingering regrets he had about one of them. Looking around, he found the mist clearing. They were standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance.

"Shall we?" he asked.

Mabui nodded and they both headed for the hut.

\- o -

The knock on the door made the mother and daughter smile.

"Come in!"

The door opened to reveal two people standing there - a stern looking man in his mid forties with a patch over his right eye, and a pretty kunoichi with light grey hair and green eyes. They looked around before coming in and approaching the counter.

"I am Ao of the Hidden Mist Village."

"And I am Mabui of the Hidden Cloud."

"Hello, Ao and Mabui," said the older female with a warm smile.

"Hello, Mabui and Uncle Ao!" chirped the younger female, waving a hand.

Ao frowned at her.

"I don't believe I have a niece," he said and looked at the older female. "Who are you two and where is this place?"

The two females exchanged an 'Oh, have we heard _this_ before' look.

"Never mind who we are and where this is," said the older female. "What is important is that we are giving you an opportunity to go on living."

"That is not possible," said Ao and Mabui at the same time.

"Why do they always say that, mother?" sighed the younger female.

"Well, it does sound too good to be true, doesn't it?" said the mother.

"You mean... it's true?" asked Mabui in a cautious tone.

"Of course it isn't," Ao snapped, annoyed that his heart had actually skipped a beat at their words. There was no such thing. He was dead, same as Mabui and the other shinobi at HQ. In fact, he should ask where they-

"Actually, it is true," said the mother.

"Indeed it is," said the daughter happily. "We've already sent back loads of people including two other uncles from HQ - oops."

She gave a guilty smile when the mother cleared her throat.

"You did?" Mabui asked, looking stunned. "Were they Shikaku Nar-"

"Don't believe them!" Ao growled. "You know such a thing is impossible."

The mother and daughter eyed him with exasperation before turning to Mabui.

"Mabui, dear, do _you_ want to go back?" asked the mother with an encouraging smile.

"Of course I do," answered Mabui at once.

"Good girl," said the mother approvingly, handing her a piece of paper. Both of them were careful not to look at the fuming Mist ninja.

"What's that?" Ao asked at once.

"It's none of your business, Uncle Ao," said the daughter sweetly, waving another piece of paper, "since _you_ obviously don't want to go back."

Ao scowled. He knew he was being disagreeable, but he was a hunter-nin, damnit! He was supposed to be on his guard.

"Are you sure you don't have anything or anyone to go back to?" prompted the daughter with a knowing grin.

Ao thought again of his Lady Mizukage as he looked from the daughter, to the mother, to Mabui, and then back to the daughter. He exhaled.

"I may have," he admitted.

"We knew it!" The mother and daughter's high pitched squeals made his eye twitch in annoyance.

"Can I have that paper now?" he demanded.

"What paper?" asked the daughter, quickly shoving it under the counter.

Ao glared at her.

"Let's start with Mabui, shall we?" said the mother hastily. "In return for your second chance, dear, here's a list of instructions you are to follow strictly. You are to tape this piece of paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning."

"Don't worry," added the daughter, "you are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please."

Mabui nodded.

"Number 1: Teach the Raikage to use the door instead of crashing through the walls whenever he is in a hurry or in a bad mood," she read and looked up, sighing. "That's a tall order."

Ao gave a snort which he half-heartedly tried to mask as a cough.

"Now that the Fourth Shinobi war is over-" began the mother.

"The war is over?!" Ao and Mabui said at the same time. "Who won?"

The mother and daughter smiled.

"You will find out when you go back," said the daughter.

"Carry on, Mabui," said the mother.

"Number 2: Go after Darui. You two need to get married and have lots - what?!"

Ao gave another snort which he didn't even bother to hide.

Mabui blushed.

"I... but he's never..."

"He's a handsome shinobi, don't you think? Tall, talented, keeps his cool," gushed the mother while the daughter gave Ao a long suffering look.

"Yes, I know, but he's never even looked at me."

"Make him," advised the mother with a wink. "I'm sure you know what to do. Is that all?"

Mabui looked down at the paper and nodded, her pretty face still pink.

"Just a postscript - do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret."

"Well? Do you agree to all of it?" asked the mother with a hopeful smile.

Mabui nodded and gave an equally hopeful smile.

"Great! It's settled then," declared the mother and turned to Ao. "Your turn."

"What's in my list?" Ao demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. No, he wasn't nervous. Or defensive.

He snatched the piece of paper the daughter held out and scanned it rapidly. His face turned pale before flushing red and he scowled.

"I - I - how did you -"

"We know everything," said the mother with a mysterious smile.

"And the same rules apply to you," said the daughter with a similar smile. "Read it out aloud, please."

Ao pressed his lips together. The truth was, he wanted to go back. He wanted to continue protecting his village, and most of all, he wanted to stay by his Lady Mizukage's side regardless of how she felt about him.

"Number 1: Court Mei Terumi and ask for her hand in marriage," he read aloud, his voice almost cracking at the last word. He stared at the two females, eyebrows drawn together in the most ferocious frown he could muster.

They just stared back at him, eyebrows well raised.

"She's my Lady Mizukage," Ao muttered. That was all he was going to say.

"And a beautiful kunoichi, don't you think? Stunning and talented, with such a sweet smile," gushed the mother while the daughter gave the amused Mabui another long suffering look.

"Of course she is. But she hates me," Ao said and almost winced. A real man did not care if-

"Now why would you say that?" the mother prompted in a cosy 'We're all here to share our problems' tone, her clasped hands resting on the counter.

Ao hesitated.

"She's always threatening to kill me, but she says sweet things to Chojuro," he finally admitted.

"We'll let you in on a secret, Uncle Ao," said the daughter in a confidential tone as she leaned forward.

Feeling like he was suddenly part of an Unrequited Love Anonymous group, Ao leaned forward as well, ignoring Mabui's grin.

"What is it?"

"The Mizukage is in her early thirties so she's very sensitive about being unmarried," revealed the mother.

"That makes her mishear and misinterpret the things you say," added the daughter.

"She thinks you are laughing at her for being an old maid," said the mother.

"Hence the death threats!" finished the daughter.

Ao jerked upright and stared at them in shock, his mind thinking back to all those times she threatened to kill him if he didn't shut up.

"Is that - but I never thought of her like that," he protested. "She's still young - I'm in my mid forties!"

"And still single.* We know," said the daughter.

"We know everything, including how you feel about her," said the mother. "Are there anymore rules?"

"Just a postscript, same as Mabui's - do not forget about your visit here but keep it a secret," Ao replied.

They stared at him expectantly, obviously waiting for his decision.

"I agree," Ao said and almost... almost cracked a smile when they cheered together with Mabui.

"Right then!" said the daughter. She placed a large jar of little pink balls on the counter and took out two, holding out one to Ao and one to Mabui.

"These are peach pills, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. This is to heal your bodies of all the injuries caused by the explosion."

"Will I still have my long distance transport jutsu?" Mabui asked.

"What about the Byakugan in my right eye?" Ao asked.

"Yes to both of you," the daughter assured them and waved her hand at a door marked Exit.

"Off you go now and have a wonderful life! Don't forget to visit your comrades in the other villages," she said.

"We will," said Mabui and bowed. "Thank you so much for this second chance."

"Yes, thank you," said Ao and bowed as well.

"And don't forget your instructions!" said the mother. "Remember to get married and have lots and lots of babies!"

The daughter face palmed herself while Mabui and Ao exchanged embarrassed glances and quickly left.

\- o -

Mabui opened her eyes and found herself staring at a very familiar sight - the entrance to the Village Hidden in the Clouds. She looked around, frowning.

Had the war really ended?

There was no one around so she slipped past the open gates and quickly made her way to the Raikage's office. She kept to the shadows, not wanting to face any awkward questions about her presence just yet.

In a few minutes, she was standing outside the Raikage's office. Lord A sounded like he was in one of his moods, if the crashing sounds coming from within were any indication. There - that sounded like he had smashed the desk again.

Mabui smiled and shook her head as she slowly opened the door.

"Where are the documents?!" Lord A roared. "Now that Mabui's gone, I can't find anything - damnit!"

Silence.

Mabui peeped around the door. As she had expected, the desk - she had lost count of the number of replacements - was a wreck and there were a couple of new dents in the walls, surrounded by hairline cracks - all undoubtedly from Lord A's mighty fist. He was standing with his back to her, his broad shoulders uncharacteristically slumped.

"I'm sorry you can't find anything, boss."

Mabui felt her heart skip a beat at that familiar low voice.

"But I'm sorrier still that Mabui died. If I'd known, I'd have told her that I..." Darui trailed off and shook his head. He was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets and head tipped up to look at the ceiling.

Quietly, Mabui stepped inside the office and closed the door behind her, leaning up against it. She took a deep breath to steady herself and smiled.

"Don't be sorry, Darui," she said. "I'm still here. Lord A, what are the documents you're looking for?"

They swung to her at once, eyes widening and mouths going slack in shock. Mabui's laugh turned into a little shriek when they both rushed towards her at the same time.

\- o -

Ao opened his eyes and looked around. He was back in his Village Hidden in the Mist. He looked down at himself, pleased to find his body unharmed and his clothes clean and undamaged.

Activating his Byakugan, he surveyed his surroundings. How strange, there wasn't anyone near the gates. He stealthily made his way to the Mizukage's office. As one of her bodyguards, it was his duty to be at her side whenever possible... especially when it looked like no one else was around.

As he approached her office, he could hear raised voices coming from within and raised an eyebrow. Lady Mizukage didn't sound happy and was actually taking out her ire on Chojuro.

Slowly, he opened the door and looked inside.

Lady Mizukage - Mei - was standing in front of her desk, hands on hips as she glared at an abashed Chojuro.

"I don't care if Lord Ao's death was one worthy of a shinobi!" she shouted, her eyes flashing. "I don't care if he died a hero! Even if he continues to laugh at my single status, I want him here by my side!"

"B-but he died, L-Lady Mizukage," stammered Chojuro. "And... and I'm here."

"Bah!" The Mizukage wiped at her cheeks. "You're a boy, Chojuro. I want... damnit!"

Ao's heart was beating so fast he was sure it would burst right out of his chest. It couldn't be true, but it sounded like - yet she had never given any indication that she... a real man should never reveal his feelings until-

Ao ground his teeth and fisted his hands. To hell with it. He took a deep breath.

"I am here, Lady Mizukage," he said.

The open mouthed shock on their faces as they swung to him was very gratifying. Ao moved without realising it until he was standing between them and looking into his Lady Mizukage's stunned blue eyes. Slowly, he raised his hands and cupped her tear wet face.

A real man, especially one who had been given a second chance, makes his own destiny.

\- o -

The mother and daughter heaved sighs of relief as the door closed behind Ao and Mabui.

"Another two characters rescued," said the mother happily.

"Are you sure we should have pushed them towards Darui and Mei Terumi?" asked the daughter.

"Why not? The more babies the merrier," said the mother with a grin. "Now, let's see who's next."

The daughter rolled her eyes and they both looked at the paper taped to the counter.

"Oh, it's the trio," said the mother, looking nervous. "Do we really want to rescue them, daughter? They killed a lot of people."

"So did Obito and we still rescued him," pointed out the daughter.

"Good point," said the mother. "After all, if one of them hadn't sacrificed himself, the remaining two would have remained pure, idealistic-"

"... and optimistic, right?" added the daughter.

"Exactly!"

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who the trio are so please tell us!

* As there is no mention of Ao's marital status, we are assuming he is single. More fun that way, right? :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Author Notes:** Hello again, everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden 253 (A Suspension Bridge to Peace).

**Character:** Yahiko, Nagato  & Konan

\- Chapter Start -

Amber eyes opened and then narrowed, seeing nothing but thick white mist.

Konan stood up and stared around her in dismay. The last thing she remembered was fighting Tobi on a lake and then creating a rainbow in the sky - the bridge to peace - with her dying breath. Tobi had bragged about using genjutsu on her to find Yahiko and Nagato's bodies. By now, he would have taken Nagato's Rinnegan eyes to further his own plans.

"Nagato, forgive me for not being strong enough," Konan whispered.

"Konan? Is that you?"

A thin figure appeared out of the mist before her, pale skin, red hair and Rinnegan eyes.

"Nagato!"

For the past twenty years, Konan had prided herself on being stoic and sensible. Now she couldn't help rushing forward and throwing her arms around Nagato. They may be the same age, but she had always felt protective of him; he was like a younger brother to her. Then she realised something and drew back to take another look.

"You look much younger, like when we were teenagers," she said.

Nagato scrutinised her in turn.

"You as well."

"That's strange, seeing as we were both thirty five," Konan said. "Were you here all this time? It's been several months since you died."

"It has? It felt like just minutes. But you're here too which means..."

"Yes. I died." Konan was relieved her voice came out sounding steadier than she felt.

Nagato grabbed her shoulders.

"How did you die?"

"Tobi. I kept your body and Yahiko's in a secret location, but he wants to take your Rinnegan to start the Fourth Shinobi War."

They stared at each other in shared anguish, recalling their idealistic dream of a peaceful world when they were three young war orphans... the day that dream shattered when they were betrayed and Yahiko died... how she and Nagato had gone down the path of destruction to enforce peace throughout the world through bloodshed... and how Naruto had finally changed their minds and won their trust despite experiencing his own pain and loss at their hands.

"So all three of us are dead and Naruto alone carries our dream," Nagato said softly.

Konan nodded. Naruto was their sibling student, the one Master Jiraiya and they entrusted with their dreams of a peaceful world. She felt a tear slide down her cheek before a gentle thumb brushed it away.

"You did the best you could, Konan."

"We both did," she replied. "All... all three of us."

Nagato's eyes widened and Konan knew he was as nervous as she was. They were about to meet Yahiko after twenty long years. He had been their friend, their charismatic and confident leader. What they had done after his death was so very different from what he had envisioned... even if the motive was still the same.

The mist started to clear and they saw they were standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance.

Are you ready to meet him?" Nagato asked quietly. "I know the two of you had feelings for each other."

Konan just gave a sad smile. Once Yahiko found out what they had done, those feelings would no longer exist. She started for the hut and Nagato fell into step beside her, both of them looking forward to and dreading the meeting at the same time.

\- o -

The mother and daughter sat up in nervous anticipation when a knock sounded at the door.

"Come in!"

The door opened and a teenager with spiky orange hair and blue eyes stood there. He bowed his head politely to the two females behind the counter.

"I am Yahiko of the Akatsuki. Are you two expecting me?"

"We are indeed, love," said the older female with a warm smile. "Please come in."

Yahiko glanced around as he walked inside.

"Why am I here?" he asked. "And who are you two?"

"That is not important," replied the the younger female.

"What is important is that you look so much better without those ugly piercings around your nose," said the older female.

"They're chakra receivers, mother. And that wasn't his doing."

"I know what they were," Yahiko said soberly. "Nagato and Konan wanted to keep me close to them, but all those horrible things they did... and all those horrible things _I_ did as Pein..."

"It's not your fault, love. We know that," said the mother and sniffed.

"But it is very sad all the same," said the daughter and sniffed as well.

Yahiko tipped his head to the side.

"So you know all that has happened? Time moves differently for me, but I'm quite sure Nagato died some time ago. Why haven't I met him yet?"

"Because the trio stays together!" they said in unison.

Yahiko inhaled sharply and then he rushed up to the counter, causing the mother and daughter to lean back with identical squeaks.

" _Konan_ died as well? How? When is she going to be here?"

"Let's see." The daughter fished out a stopwatch with a pink swirly sticker on its back. "Right about... now."

Two knocks sounded at the door.

"Right on cue," beamed the mother.

"Come in!" called out the daughter.

Yahiki swung around as the door opened again. Two teenagers stood there, a boy with red hair and Rinnegan eyes, and a girl with blue hair and amber eyes.

"Yahiko."

"Konan, Nagato."

The resultant silence was a bit awkward.

"Well, don't just stand there. Come in!" urged the mother.

Nagato and Konan exchanged nervous glances as they stepped inside the hut. They were thirty five, but seeing a fifteen year old Yahiko made them feel as if they were the same age as him. Then Yahiko rushed forward and threw his arms around Konan, hugging her tightly.

After a moment, Konan's arms came up and she returned the hug, tears spilling over.

"Konan, I've missed you so much." Yahiko's voice was muffled against her neck.

"I've missed you, Yahiko."

Nagato smiled as he peeped around his friends to see the two females behind the counter, hands clapped to their red cheeks. He took a step forward only to have Yahiko grab him and pull him into a three way hug, all of of them swaying slightly.

"Yahiko!"

"Shh."

After a minute, Konan cleared her throat.

"Yahiko, I-"

"Shh. I know everything that has happened, Konan. Even Master Jiraiya's death."

"Yahiko, -"

"No. Don't say anything."

After a few minutes, he took a step back and wiped the tears from his cheeks. Nagato and Konan did the same, smiling somewhat sheepishly.

"We've missed you so much, Yahiko," Konan whispered. "You were so dear to us. To me."

Something in her eyes told him her feelings hadn't changed in the last twenty years. Yahiko leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers before touching their foreheads together.

"I regret not doing that when I had the chance," he admitted.

"Me too," Konan said, another tear slipping down her cheek.

Nagato cleared his throat and they swung to him, blushing.

"Better late than never," he said with a smile.

Yahiko and Konan looked at each other. Without a word, they reached out and enveloped Nagato in another three way hug... which only ended when Yahiko gave Nagato a sudden shove, almost sending him into the wall behind him as Konan squeaked in surprise.

"You idiot!" Yahiko exploded. "Just what were you thinking, changing the Akatsuki, joining Madara, and going on a rampage like that? Killing Master Jiraiya, capturing the jinchuriki, extracting their tailed beasts and killing their hosts, destroying the villages, calling me a God...!"

Nagato hung his head in shame.

"I'm so sorry, Yahiko," he whispered. "Everything just... _changed_ when you died. I couldn't feel anything but pain, so I made you become Pein. I wanted everyone to feel pain as much as Konan and I did."

Then his head and hands came up and he shoved Yahiko back with surprising strength.

"And what about you?!" he shouted. "You ran yourself _onto my_ _kunai!_ Did you know how I felt at that moment? How Konan felt? The three of us were supposed to stay together, achieve our dreams of peace together, and you killed yourself!"

Yahiko swallowed.

"I couldn't see any way out at that time," he confessed, "not when we had been betrayed and Konan's life was at stake. I'm sorry too."

They stared at each other, seeing the bitter regret in each other's eyes. They weren't crying anymore, but they could still hear the sound of loud sobbing. As one, they turned to see the two females behind the counter pulling tissues from a box like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh, you three are simply - hic -" began the mother and hiccoughed. She paused to blow her nose.

"... simply adorable - hic -" finished the daughter and hiccoughed as well. She blew her own nose in turn.

The trio exchanged baffled looks.

We are?" Nagato asked.

"Yes!"

"Of course!"

The trio approached the counter, Yahiko in the middle.

"So, now that we are together again, what's next?" Yahiko asked, aware that Konan and Nagato were holding onto his arms firmly as if they feared being parted from him again.

"We want to give you three an opportunity to go back to being alive," added the mother. "As shinobi, not as gods or villains."

The trio exchanged another look.

"Is that possible?" Yahiko asked.

The mother and daughter nodded.

"Using the Samsara of Heavenly Life Technique?" Nagato asked.

The mother and daughter shook their heads.

"Reanimation jutsu?" Konan asked.

The mother and daughter both shook their heads again.

The trio exchanged another look with raised eyebrows and then they turned back to the two females. As one, they shook their heads.

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter as they clutched at each other.

"Why not?!"

"Yes, why not?!"

"I'm sure you two know the numerous, horrible crimes of which the Akatsuki are guilty of," Nagato said softly. "I take full responsibility for that."

"All three of us do," Yahiko said firmly.

"But Nagato, you also gave up your life to bring back those killed in your attack on the Hidden Leaf Village," reminded the mother.

Nagato shook his head.

"I was able to rescue those, but there were many more before that. From the other villages we had attacked... the jinchuriki..."

"Never mind, all is forgiven," said the daughter, waving an airy hand.

"Indeed it is," said the mother and waved her hand as well, looking like she was chasing away a mosquito.

The trio exchanged yet another round of doubtful looks.

"Just like that?" Konan asked.

"Just like that. Just say the word and you three will get the chance to live much happier lives than the ones you had," said the daughter with a hopeful smile.

"But there's a war-"

"It's ended."

"And there's Tobi-"

"He's dead. Sort of."

"And we killed Master Jiraiya-"

"He's alive."

"WHAT?!"

The mother and daughter squeaked and almost fell off their chairs again when the trio crowded the counter, looming over them.

"Oh, we sent him back as well," said the mother with an innocent smile.

"Did we forget to mention that?" said the daughter with a similar smile.

The trio exchanged glances and and then Yahiko sighed.

"Please give us a moment," he said and then pulled the other two into a discussion.

When they finished and turned back, there was a new box of tissues on the counter and the mother and daughter were giving them beseeching looks complete with round teary eyes and clasped hands.

"We agree to go back," Yahiko said.

The two females started shrieking in joy. Yahiko winced, Konan stuffed her fingers in her ears and Nagato hid behind the two of them.

"Excellent!" The mother handed Yahiko a piece of paper. "This is a list of instructions you three are to follow strictly. You are to tape this paper in your room where it will be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning."

"Don't worry," added the daughter, "you three are the only one who can see this paper. Now, read it out aloud, please."

Yahiko nodded.

"Number 1: We will do our best to promote peace amongst the Five Great Nations," he read and nodded. "Agreed."

"Number 2: We will seek forgiveness from Master Jiraiya and visit him in the Hidden Leaf Village at least once a year," Konan continued. "Agreed."

"Number 3: We will support Naruto Uzumaki from our Village Hidden in the Rain," Nagato finished. "Agreed."

"Wonderful!" beamed the mother. "Oh, wait - I forgot to add something else."

"What is it?" Yahiko asked as the mother took back the paper and scribbled something on it while the daughter shook her head and mumbled something like 'And here it comes.'

Grinning, the mother passed the paper back to Yahiko.

"There you go, love. Just one more rule. Read it aloud please."

"Number 4: We, Yahiko and Konan, will marry as soon as possible and have-"

Yahiko broke off, cheeks flushing red.

"And have what?" Konan asked, also blushing.

"Lotsandlotsofbabies," Yahiko said in a rush. Behind him, Nagato pressed his lips together to keep from laughing out loud.

"Agreed," Konan said and smiled.

The resultant squeal from the mother made the trio wince in unison.

"Maybe... one day?" Yahiko asked. "As you can see, we're still fifteen. Wait - that can't be right. Konan should be older, Nagato too."

"Not to worry," the daughter assured them. "You three will go back at the same ages Nagato and Konan were - thirty five."

"Which means you two don't have a moment to lose!" reminded the mother. "So hop to it as soon as you get back!"

The daughter rolled her eyes and thumped a large jar of peach pills onto the counter. She held out a handful and gave four pills to Nagato, and three each to Yahiko and Konan.

"These are peach pills, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. These will create new bodies for you three since your old ones can't be used anymore. Nagato, you get an extra one for your Rinnegan."

They nodded and swallowed the pills.

"Ooh, one more thing!" The mother snatched back the paper again and scribbled a few more words while the trio - and the daughter - watched with wary eyes.

"Here you go." The mother handed the paper to Nagato this time.

"Number 5: I will take better care of my body since I was malnourished the last time," he read aloud and gave a sheepish smile. "Agreed."

"Not to worry. I will look after both of them," Konan promised with a happy smile.

"Wonderful!" said the daughter and waved her hand at a door marked Exit. "Time to go."

"Thank you for this opportunity," the trio said. "We appreciate it very much."

With a final bow, they left.

\- o -

When the trio opened their eyes, it was to see the familiar outline of the Hidden Rain village before them. It looked the same as before... except it wasn't raining... and there was a huge sparkling rainbow in the pale blue sky.

Konan turned to Yahiko and Nagato, her amber eyes glinting in the sunlight.

"Our bridge to peace!" she said and laughed happily. Then she stared at Yahiko who blinked and stared back.

"What is it? Do I still look fifteen?" he asked. "Or have those horrid chakra receivers?"

Konan and Nagato exchanged a sheepish look and then Konan smiled at Yahiko and shook her head, her eyes holding a tender gleam.

"You look perfect," she said and held out her hands. "Come on, you two, let's go home."

They set off, but their footsteps soon led them to a very familiar place, one they hadn't set foot in for a long, long time.

"It's our old hideout," Yahiko said and went up to the door to peer inside.

It was where they had lived with Master Jiraiya for three years when he looked after them and taught them basic skills. The inside was dusty now with debris on the floor, a huge hole in the roof and creepers overtaking the walls, even covering the four rectangular pieces of wood which signaled if they were present or away. All four pieces signaled 'home'... even Master Jiraiya's.

"So many memories," Konan murmured, running a hand along one of the creepers.

"We should clear this place," Yahiko said suddenly.

"Why?" Nagato asked. "We're not going to live here. Are we?"

Yahiko frowned.

"No, but I still feel like we should."

Nagato nodded.

"For old times' sake then," he agreed.

It didn't take long. Konan let loose with a flurry of paper shuriken which cut the creepers loose from the walls and then Nagato blew it all out of the front door with a controlled blast of wind chakra. Child's play, really...

"Hey, watch it! That nearly took my eye out!"

The three of them rushed to the door. A tall and very familiar figure stood on the path, picking twigs and leaves out of his long white spiky hair. He stopped when he saw them.

"Am I dreaming?" he asked.

The trio looked at each other and then at him.

"I don't think so, Jiraiya-sensei," Yahiko said, "unless we're having the same dream together. Right, Konan? Nagato?"

Both of them had their heads bowed in shame so Yahiko put an arm around each of them.

"It's alright. Look up," he whispered.

When they did, it was to see their old teacher grinning at them, arms flung wide in a gesture of welcome and forgiveness.

"Jiraiya-sensei!"

Yahiko, Konan and Nagato were full grown adults who should know better, but they still charged at their old teacher as if they were children again, bowling him over, all four of them laughing and crying at the same time.

\- o -

As the Exit door closed, the two females took a huge sigh of relief.

"That went better than I thought," said the mother.

"If only we could be flies on the wall when they meet the Pervy Sage," sighed the daughter and grinned. "Almost gave him a heart attack, didn't we?"

They had appeared in Jiraiya's dreams last night, rolling their eyes when they found themselves floating over the male section of a bathhouse. There was only one occupant and he was standing in the water, peeping through a hole in the wall where the sounds of feminine voices and laughter were coming from.

"Back to your old tricks, Pervy Sage?" scolded the daughter and flung a soap at his head.

"Didn't you promise not to peek anymore?" scolded the mother and flicked a towel at his exposed rear.

Jiraiya yelped and turned around, his eyes widening in alarm. The daughter yelped as well and squeezed her eyes shut while the Toad Sage hastily grabbed some of his long hair to cover his front.

"What are you two - ah... ahh...!" He backpedaled, lost his balance and fell backwards into the water with a splash. The startled voices and more splashing sounds from the other side indicated a mass exodus of naked females.

When Jiraiya surfaced, coughing and spluttering, it was to see the mother and daughter looking at him with raised eyebrows.

"What?" he protested. "I kept my promise and haven't been to a bathhouse in months! Can't a guy have a bit of fun in his dreams at least?"

The two females sighed and hovered a little lower.

"Never mind," said the mother, "as long as you don't wake Tsunade up with your perverted mumblings. Just be sure to go to the old hideout where you used to train three young Ame orphans tomorrow at noon."

Jiraiya frowned up at her.

"In Amegakure? Why?" he asked.

"You'll know when you get there," said the daughter.

"Don't worry, you won't regret it," said the mother.

"But I can't reach there by tomorrow!"

"You're the Toad Sage. Sure you can," they said. "Don't forget - tomorrow at noon."

Then they vanished from his dreams.

"That was fun," agreed the mother with a chuckle. "Well, let's see who's next."

They looked at the paper taped to the counter and then at each other with rounded eyes.

"The last two people to be rescued," said the mother in a hushed voice.

"The two suns," said the daughter in a similar voice.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who those two are so please tell us!


	23. Chapter 23

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Enjoy this next chapter :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

**Chapter Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden 474 (Congratulations).

**Character:** Minato Namikaze  & Kushina Uzumaki

\- Chapter Start -

A pair of blue eyes opened and Minato Namikaze sat up, looking at the thick white mist around him as he gave a deep sigh.

He had wished Naruto a Happy Birthday, said some inane lines about how the dead didn't belong with the living - as if Naruto didn't already know that - and added a promise to tell Kushina everything.

Then the body he inhabited started to disintegrate and all he could do was stare helplessly at his son, his heart so full of all the things he wanted to say that he ended up saying none of them.

It was Naruto who had broken the silence, breaking into an impromptu speech that was so uniquely, so brilliantly _him_ that it had taken Minato every bit of resolve he possessed to not break down and weep. He had just looked and listened, capturing every single nuance in Naruto's voice, every honest expression on his face and every gesture he made, committing them all to memory.

"I am so, _so_ proud of you, Naruto," Minato said aloud, his voice breaking. "Your mother and I loved you from the moment you were born, no, from the moment we knew we were going to be parents. I just wish-"

The tears finally spilled over. Minato bowed his head as he grieved for the seventeen years that Naruto had had to grow up by himself, without the love and guidance of his parents; the same seventeen years Minato and Kushina had been deprived of the chance to experience and enjoy parenthood.

Despite everything, Naruto had still grown up to be a truly splendid shinobi.

Eventually, the tears stopped. Minato wiped his face and realised he had his arms again. Well... that was a relief; he wasn't looking forward to spending an eternity with Kushina without them.

Getting to his feet, he looked around, wondering when he would be reunited with her. And where were all the other Kage the Sage of Six Paths had brought back for the Summoning Jutsu?

And the First and Second Hokage?

The three of them owed Orochimaru a huge debt. Without his intervention, they would have remained inside the Shinigami's belly forever instead of being with their loved ones in the afterlife.

"Lord First? Lord Second?" he called out.

Silence. Then...

"Minato?"

A figure appeared out of the mist; slender with long, gorgeous red hair and wide violet eyes, the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Kushina!"

"Minato!"

Without even wondering if it was an illusion, Minato caught her when she flung herself at him.

"I've missed you so much, you know?" Kushina said, sobbing into his shoulder.

"I've missed you too," Minato said and winced just a bit. He missed her enthusiastic embraces even when they threatened to crack his ribs.

After a loving and heartfelt reunion complete with tender, bordering on passionate kisses, Kushina looked Minato directly in the eye, even framing his face with her small hands for good measure.

"I know a bit of what happened in the Fourth Shinobi War, and that Orochimaru released you from the Shinigami. But I still want to hear _everything_ that has happened since then. Everything that concerns Naruto especially."

Minato took her hands in his and kissed her fingertips.

"I promised Naruto I would tell you everything and I will," he said.

Kushina nodded and then she smiled.

"So, was it worth it being sealed in the Shinigami for seventeen years?" she teased.

"To get to see our son and fight alongside him in the war? Of course," Minato replied with a straight face.

"Did he... did he say anything about me?" Kushina asked.

Minato smiled.

"When the Sage of Six Paths undid the Reanimation jutsu to send us back here, I told him I would tell you everything, and he said to tell you not to worry..."

He recounted Naruto's farewell speech word for word and had to force them past his throat when Kushina started crying again. But her smile was as radiant as the moment she first saw Naruto as a newborn.

When he finished, she sniffled and threw her arms around him again.

"He's so silly, you know?" she said. "I will _never_ stop worrying about him because that is what a mother does."

"A father too," Minato said, "but Naruto is seventeen now. He will lead his own life so we can only hope our words will continue to guide him down the right path."

Kushina palmed away her tears and nodded

"Don't forget," she said. "I still want to hear about everything that happened from the moment you were released."

"I will," Minato promised with a smile. "We have all the time in the world now."

The mist started to clear and they saw they were standing on a path which led to a small hut in the distance. Hand in hand, they walked towards it.

\- o -

At the single knock on the door, the two females behind the counter exchanged excited smiles.

"It's them!" squealed the mother.

"Come in!" squealed the daughter.

The door did not open, but a spectre with long white shaggy hair and two red horns drifted through it.

"AIIIEEEEEE!" shrieked the mother and daughter as they clutched at each other.

"It's the Shinigami!"

"Why are you here?!"

With a claw tipped hand, the spectre removed the tanto gripped between sharp and jagged teeth.

"To collect my other two desserts," he growled. "What do you think?"

They blinked at him.

"But you're not in a position to trade anymore," said the mother.

"Your belly is empty, remember?" prompted the daughter.

The Shinigami narrowed his eyes at them.

"You offered me me a deal," he insisted.

"Yes, we did," said the mother, "but on condition we get one soul per dessert."

"And besides, when we last saw you, we hadn't caught up with all the episodes yet," explained the daughter. "We didn't know Orochimaru would free the First, Second and Fourth Hokage so that they could explain things to Sasuke."

The Shinigami sniffed.

"That Orochimaru took back his arms as well," he grumbled.

"Yes, we know," said the mother in a sympathetic voice.

"It's too bad, but you really have nothing to trade with anymore," said the daughter in a similar voice.

Just then, another knock sounded on the door.

"Ooh, this must be them, daughter!" said the mother excitedly.

"Come in, please!" called the daughter.

The door opened to reveal a handsome young man with spiky blond hair and smiling blue eyes, and a beautiful young woman with long red hair and violet eyes.

"Hello, I am Kushina Uzumaki!"

"And I am Minato Namikaze."

"Welcome!" cried the mother and daughter happily. "Are you two a sight for sore eyes! We are so glad to-

CHOMP!

GULP!

"AIIIEEEEEE!" they shrieked again, clutching at each other for the second time as they stared in horror at the open doorway, now empty except for two Leaf headbands clattering to the ground.

" _Now_ I can trade," said the Shinigami in satisfaction.

The two females looked wild eyed at each other.

"Oh! Oh yes!"

"Definitely!"

The daughter quickly reached under the counter and brought out a big apple pie with a flaky pastry crust that was golden with caramelised sugar, a triple layer chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and decorated with fresh strawberries and cream, and a foot tall ice cream sundae topped with chocolate sauce, chopped nuts and a glazed red cherry.

Next, she took out a fifteen inch wand with carvings that resembled clusters of elderberries running down its length* and cancelled the stasis charm on the desserts.

"So, which two do you want?" she asked.

The Shinigami rushed up to the counter and drooled as he looked between the three decadent concoctions.

"I... I can't decide," he muttered to himself. "The cookies were divine... but now I have a craving for the sweet tartness of an apple pie... then again, I love chocolate so I really should get that cake... but look, the sundae is a foot tall _and_ it has chocolate sauce!"

The two females glared at him.

"Fine! The cake and the sundae." The Shinigami grabbed both of them, gave the apple pie a regretful look and glided back to the doorway.

"Don't forget to release the two suns - I mean, the two souls you just swallowed," reminded the mother sternly.

"Very well," grumbled the Shinigami and left, the door closing after him with a click.

"Well, what was unexpected," remarked the mother.

"You can say that again," said the daughter. She cast another stasis spell on the apple pie and kept it.

A couple of minutes later, a third knock sounded on the door.

"Come in!"

The door opened and Minato and Kushina stood there once more, holding their headbands in their hands and looking a bit shell shocked, their hair mussed.

"What just happened?" asked Minato as he came inside.

"I thought I saw the Shinigami, you know?" said Kushina. "Then everything went dark and the next thing I knew, we were outside your door again!"

The mother and daughter sweatdropped.

"Eheheh, fancy that," said the mother with a feeble smile.

"So what happen-"

"Never mind, that's not important!" interrupted the daughter.

"It's not?" Minato asked with a frown. "His presence doesn't bode well for anyone. And who are you two?"

"And where is this pla-" Kushina asked.

"Never mind, it's not important!" interrupted the mother. "What is important is that we are giving you an opportunity to go on living."

Minato and Kushina looked at each other and rushed up to the counter, their eyes wide.

"What did you say?"

"We can go back?"

"But we're dead!"

"How can we go back?"

"You don't need to know how," said the mother hastily.

"Just know that you can," added the daughter.

"And you want to, don't you?" prompted the mother.

Minato and Kushina looked at each other, excitement and longing on their faces warring with doubt. Then they turned back to the two females.

"Have you brought back anyone else before us?" Minato asked carefully. "Say... Lord Third?"

"We may have," said the mother just as carefully.

"Why do you ask?" asked the daughter in a similar voice.

Minato smiled.

"Well, I detected his presence in the Shinigami's belly some time ago, but it was only there for a short while before it vanished."

The mother and daughter blinked and smiled.

"Please sit down, we will explain everything," said the mother and waved her hand, causing two comfortable chairs to appear behind their guests.

As she started her explanation, the daughter brought out the apple pie again and cancelled the stasis charm on it. The Shinigami wouldn't be dropping by anymore so they might as well eat it up.

\- o -

_Some time later..._

Minato looked at the paper and whistled softly.

"So this is the complete list of people you have sent back?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Rin and Obito too? I'm sure Kakashi is as grateful as I am."

"Besides, Obito was always my favourite!" said Kushina, looking at the list over his shoulder.

Minato raised his eyebrows at the mother and daughter who sweatdropped, recalling what had happened seventeen years ago in the Leaf Village and who was behind it.

"I didn't see Master Jiraiya on the battlefield," Minato changed the subject, "he must have been fighting elsewhere."

"You'll get to see all of them and Naruto if you go back," promised the daughter with the air of dangling a carrot in front of them.

"Of course we choose to go back!" chorused Minato and Kushina and laughed when the two females cheered.

The daughter then brought out a large jar of little pink balls and handed three pills each to Minato and Kushina.

"These are peach pills, a cure all for any injuries sustained just before you came here, whether serious or minor. These will create new bodies for you three since your old ones can't be used anymore."

They nodded and swallowed the pills.

"By the way," said the daughter, "you two will be going back at the age you would be if you hadn't died, which is forty one."

"That's fine," Minato agreed. "It would be really awkward otherwise."

"But I'm sure Naruto would love to have younger siblings so make sure you have lots and lots of babies!" said the mother.

Minato and Kushina looked at each other, startled, while the daughter facepalmed herself.

"Motherrrrrrr! They're even older than Obito and Rin! And the Ame trio!" she groaned.

"Not by much," said the mother and put on an innocent expression. "Besides, they didn't get the chance to experience parenthood the first time around."

Seeing the growing smiles on Minato and Kushina's faces, the daughter sighed.

"Off you go now," she mumbled and waved a hand at the Exit door which swung open. "Take good care of yourselves and Naruto and the Leaf Village as well."

"Thank you so much," Kushina said and bowed.

"Yes, thank you. We can never repay you two for this opportunity and all that you've done for everyone," Minato said, "but if there's anything I can do...?"

The mother and daughter's eyes grew round and shiny at once.

"Well, it's been some time since we rescued our first character, Haku of the Hidden Mist," began the mother in a hopeful voice.

"And we'd _really_ love to see how everyone is doing," continued the daughter in a similar voice.

"I know what you mean," Minato said with a smile. "Do you have paper and a pen?"

The daughter quickly reached under the counter and took out the two items. She and the mother watched with bated breath as the Fourth penned a few lines before signing his name at the bottom.

"I, Minato Namikaze, hereby invite the two holders of this invitation to be my personal guests at Naruto Uzumaki's eighteenth birthday celebration in the Leaf Village," he read aloud and then winced together with Kushina as the mother and daughter started shrieking in joy, bouncing in their seats.

When they ran out of both breath and energy, they stood up and bowed deeply as they accepted the handwritten invitation.

"Thank you so much!" they said in unison.

"You're welcome!" Kushina replied, laughing. "See you two then."

"You have our grateful thanks," Minato added.

With a final bow and wave, they went out the Exit door hand in hand.

\- o -

_Two and a half hours after Sasuke was reunited with Itachi and Shisui outside the main entrance of the Leaf Village.**_

A swirling vortex appeared in midair, disgorging several shinobi one at a time. Kakashi looked around at everyone and cleared his throat.

"Well, now that we're all on the same page, isn't it time for you to be off, Sasuke?" he prompted, his visible eye curving into a smile.

Sasuke nodded. He was about to turn away when a hand grasped his shoulder in a firm grip.

"Take care and don't stay away too long," Naruto told him.

"I'm going with Sasuke so I'll make sure of that," Itachi says solemnly.

"And I'm going with them so I'll make doubly sure of that," Shisui said in the same solemn tone although his eyes twinkled.

Sasuke hid his pleased smile and raised an eyebrow at Naruto.

"Don't miss me or anything."

"Sasuke-kun!"

Everyone grinned and looked away as Sakura stepped up to Sasuke, wanting another private moment with him. Behind Sasuke, Shisui tried to poke Itachi in the forehead, but missed when Itachi dodged and glared at him. Naruto quickly turned his chuckle into a cough when Sasuke frowned at him in suspicion.

With a final farewell wave, Shisui, Itachi and Sasuke left. It was the best plan for now as Kakashi needed some time to come up with a satisfactory explanation as to why there would be another two Uchiha staying in the Leaf Village. So far, Obito had been keeping a relatively low profile, living with Rin in the abandoned Uchiha compound.

Naruto was quiet as he, Kakashi, Sakura and Obito entered the village again. His brain was still trying to process the overload of information it had received. So two mysterious females were behind the numerous miracles the Leaf had experienced such as Hayate Gekko who had survived the brutal rooftop attack during the Chunin exams five years ago, old man Hiruzen, Asuma-sensei, Pervy Sage, Deidara who was now staying in the Leaf, Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka who had survived the HQ explosion, Neji who had survived the Cutting Sprigs attack... to name but a few.

Naruto wanted to go over the amazing news again, but Kakashi excused himself, saying he needed to return to the Hokage Tower. Obito and Sakura excused themselves as well, the former to pick Rin up at the hospital after her shift, and the latter to start her own shift there.

Naruto waved goodbye to them before heading home. Maybe he would write to a couple of friends he suspected were also involved in this, such as Menma and Chiyo-baa, but he still hoped he would be able to meet those two females one day to thank them in person. They had not only brought back his friends and loved ones, they had also healed Bushy Brows-sensei's damaged leg.

As he made his way through the streets, Naruto's elation gave way to gentle melancholy. Sasuke had been all alone like him, but now he has his brother Itachi back and Shisui as well - it was just like having two big brothers. It warmed Naruto's heart to see how happy his best friend was, it really did, but it also left him feeling more alone than ever.

Lost in thought, Naruto soon found himself standing outside his front door with a most appetizing smell coming from inside. He took a deep, appreciative sniff and grinned. Iruka-sensei must have guessed he would be feeling down since Sasuke was leaving the village and had come over with his favourite foods to cheer him up. Only it didn't smell like ramen... it smelled _way_ better than ramen or any sort of takeout Naruto had ever tasted.

"Tadaima," he called out as he opened the door. Then he stopped short. There, sitting at his small dining table - and reminding him of that alternate world he had once visited where he was called 'Menma' - were the last two people he ever expected to see again.

He forgot all about feeling melancholy.

He forgot all about the delicious smelling food.

He forgot he hadn't taken off his shinobi sandals.

"Okaeri, Naruto," Minato and Kushina said together, smiling at him.

Naruto blinked. And blinked again. Then he swallowed.

"T-tou-chan? Kaa-chan?"

Their smiling faces blurred and Naruto barely saw his mother jump up and round the table, long red hair whipping around her. He still managed to meet her halfway, his left arm going around her waist as he buried his face in her shoulder. When another arm wrapped around his shoulders, his tears started falling in earnest, matched only by his parents'.

The emotional embrace only ended when Minato and Kushina pulled back to look at their son with beaming, teary smiles. Too bad it only lasted a moment before Kushina grabbed Naruto's empty right sleeve, her mouth falling open in shock. She then rounded on an equally baffled looking Minato.

"Minato! What's the meaning of this? You told me Naruto was perfectly fine after the war, you know? Why is he missing his right arm?!"

"But he had both his arms when I last saw him," Minato protested. "I was the one who didn't have any!"

\- o -

Back at the hut, the mother put a tick next to Minato and Kushina's names and gave a heavy sigh.

"We've come to the end of our list, daughter," she said. "It feels a bit sad, doesn't it?"

"It does indeed," said the daughter and picked up the other piece of paper. "But don't forget, we still have something to look forward to in just a few months' time."

"That's right... and we'll finally get to meet Naruto in person!"

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! One more chapter to go before we complete this series. Please leave a review, we'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter :)

* From HP Wiki of the Elder Wand

** Chapter 22

Tadaima is Japanese for 'I'm home' while okaeri is Japanese for 'Welcome home'.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author Notes:** Hello again, everyone! We've finally come to the end of this story. Enjoy the epilogue :)

**General Warnings:** Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.

\- Chapter Start -

A pair of round blue eyes opened and stared up at a familiar ceiling. Naruto Uzumaki sat bolt upright, grinning as he stretched his arms high above his head.

The Fourth Great Ninja War had ended exactly a year ago and the Five Great Nations were still enjoying their newfound alliance. Today was his eighteenth birthday, his parents were alive, he was dating the most wonderful girl in the world, and Sasuke had promised to return today.

Everything was perfect.

Naruto bounced out of bed and got dressed in a jiffy. Granny Tsunade's medical ninjutsu was truly awesome; he had gotten used to his artificial right arm in no time at all. It had the same chakra points as a normal arm and linked up to his own chakra network smoothly, making two handed jutsu a cinch!

Hearing familiar noises in the kitchen, Naruto grinned and headed there. He paused in the doorway, taking in the scene before him with a goofy smile.

Tou-chan was wearing his favourite pink apron and slicing vegetables at the counter. Kaa-chan was leaning on the counter and talking to him, a hand caressing the small swell of her stomach.

Naruto's smile turned even goofier. He couldn't wait for his baby sister to be born, but that would take another few months. Minato and Kushina saw him standing there and smiled.

"Happy birthday, Naruto," they chorused in unison.

"Thank you!" Naruto went to sling an arm around each of their shoulders, receiving a hair ruffle and a peck on the cheek in return.

"Breakfast will be ready soon," Minato said.

"So don't think of going anywhere," Kushina added.

Before she had said three words, Naruto was back at the doorway and waving at them.

"Sasuke's coming back from his latest trip with Itachi. I'll be back in time for breakfast, you know!"

He was out the front door and bounding down the apartment stairs before his parents could say anything. The three of them had moved into a new apartment complex a few months back. It was closer to the old Uchiha compound than Naruto's former apartment was.

Obito had rebuilt his old home for him and Rin to stay in when they returned, but it wasn't until Itachi and Shisui returned that the old Uchiha place was cleared up properly. As the new head of the Uchiha clan, Itachi decided to rebuild just a few houses, without the huge and imposing wall that had once kept his clan closed off from the rest of the village.

That wasn't the only notable change after his return, of course.

An emergency meeting of the five Kage had resulted in a joint statement released by the Five Great Nations. It stated that two outsiders whose identities would remain secret had performed an unknown and powerful jutsu to bring back several shinobi from the dead as far back as six years ago. Haku of of the Hidden Mist was the first one and the rest included missing-nin and even Akatsuki members. The fact that they were brought back showed they had been pardoned for their past crimes by a greater power, and their missing-nin status revoked. It might have seemed suspicious, but coming on the heels of victory of the Fourth Ninja War, the statement was collectively taken as good news, to the vast relief of all those involved.

Naruto - being Naruto - was just as relieved as those who had been given a second chance. One of the happiest moments of his life was when Gamakichi teleported him to an old hideout somewhere in Amegakure one day. Pervy Sage was there, but he wasn't alone. Naruto had been tackle hugged by his three siblings students Nagato, Konan and Yahiko, the latter whom he had last met and fought as the vengeful chakra receiver studded Pein.

Hearing someone call his name, Naruto looked up and waved at Inoichi Yamanaka, Shikaku Nara and Choza Akimichi sitting in a teashop near the Yamanaka Flower shop. Right after he and Sasuke ended the Infinite Tsukuyomi and woke up everyone, he had witnessed the heartwarming sight of Shikamaru and Ino screaming with joy as they raced to hug their respective fathers who were miraculously alive and whole.

A sudden yowling startled Naruto into taking a quick step back as a familiar brown cat with a pink ribbon on one ear streaked past him, hissing and spitting. Three genin followed in hot pursuit with Konohamaru running after them and hollering instructions. He tossed a bright grin in Naruto's direction before rounding a corner at full tilt.

A shout of alarm and a crash brought Naruto around the same corner to see Konohamaru helping old man Hiruzen to his feet and apologising to him. Asuma-sensei stood beside them, arms flung out protectively in front of Kurenai-sensei who was carrying little Mirai in her arms. Naruto grinned as Konohamaru shouted 'Sorry, jii-chan, sorry Uncle Asuma, Aunty Kurenai!' before dashing off after his team again.

Not two minutes later, a large green and orange blur of a tornado whooshed past Naruto and a loud baritone shouted, "Fifty more laps and then we can take a dango break!" A smaller green and orange blur followed with Lee's voice yelling "Right behind you, Gai-Sensei!" Neji and Tenten were next, both of them running slow enough for Naruto to catch their exasperated looks.

"This is ridiculous, Neji. You're a jounin, you should be leading your own team," panted Tenten. "Hi, Naruto!"

"Good morning, Naruto," called Neji before smiling at his teammate. "Pick up the pace, Tenten. I'll buy you dinner tonight."

"Hey, I thought that was a given!"

Chuckling, Naruto walked on until he reached the main gates of the village. There was no one around except the two Chunin in the guardhouse, Izumo and Kotetsu. Naruto nodded to them and walked out the gates only to hear a rustling in one of the nearby bushes and a female voice saying, "Perfect! No one will see them here, daughter" and another saying, "I can't believe we got this close to the gates without anyone noticing, mother!"

Two females crawled out of the bushes on their hands and knees, each gripping a small bag in their mouths. They stood up and started brushing themselves off, but froze when they caught sight of Naruto staring at them. The bags dropped to the ground as their mouths fell open, eyes going round and shiny.

"I don't believe it," said the mother in an awed voice.

"It's really him," said the daughter in a similar voice.

"NARUTO UZUMAKI!" they shrieked at the same time, making Naruto take a step back and the two chunin in the guardhouse crane their necks in curiosity.

"Do I know you?" Naruto asked as he accepted a dogeared piece of paper from the daughter's shaking fingers. His eyes widened when he recognised his father's neat script.

"So you two are the ones behind all those miracles?!" he asked in a near shout.

"Shh! Yes, we are!" squealed the mother while the daughter nodded excitedly.

"And you brought back my parents, Pervy Sage and all the others?!" Naruto continued in the same loud tone.

"Shh! Yes, we did!" squeaked the daughter while the mother nodded excitedly.

"Awesome! I've been wanting to meet you, you know!" Naruto shook their hands with enthusiasm. "C'mon, I'll take you to my parents. Oh, there's Sasuke and Itachi!"

The two females spun around so fast they almost tipped over. They stared at the two figures in the distance.

"Is that really Sasuke Uchiha?" said the daughter in an awed voice.

"It is," said the mother in a similar voice. "And we get to see Itachi again."

The two brothers approached them, nodding at Naruto before turning their attention on the two females.

"Itachi-san, you look better than ever," gushed the daughter.

"Being alive suits you so much. And you let your lovely, lovely hair loose," gushed the mother.

"Ah. We meet again." Itachi gave a polite bow and ignored their earlier comments, raising a questioning eyebrow at Naruto.

"You know these two, nii-san?" Sasuke asked suspiciously.

The two females' round eyes got even rounder when Naruto grabbed Sasuke's shoulder and whispered something to him, putting his lips _very_ close to Sasuke's ear.

"I think I'm going to faint," murmured the mother, fanning her red face.

"They're just friends," muttered the daughter, staring almost as avidly.

Itachi frowned, looking between them and his brother.

"Oh." Sasuke gave the two females an appraising look. "I guess the whole thing is true then."

"It is otherwise Shisui and I and many others wouldn't be here," Itachi reminded him.

"Glad you two are back. My parents are cooking breakfast so I'll bring them home with me," Naruto told them with an unmistakable note of pride in his voice. "See you two and Shisui this evening, you know!"

\- o -

Izumo and Kotetsu, flustered at being called 'adorable' by the daughter and 'M.F.E.O' by the mother - registered them as the Yondaime's special guests for today before Naruto led them through the village, talking nineteen to a dozen.

The two females just nodded nonstop, heads swiveling right and left as they tried to take in everything at once, and pointed out familiar sights and faces with glee. They pulled on Naruto's shirt to stop him when two orange and green tornadoes approached at top speed, the larger one snapping to a stop and morphing into the tall muscular form of Maito Gai. He greeted the mother and daughter with both thumbs up and a big smile complete with sparkle, thanked them once more for healing his damaged leg and said he would see them later at the party. Lee bowed politely to the two females before looking around for his missing teammates.

After Gai and Lee left to get dango, Naruto jerked his head at where Neji and Tenten were hiding behind a large tree and trying to shoo away a smirking Deidara. The mother looked longingly at Neji's lustrous, waist long hair while the daughter stared at Deidara's equally long blond ponytail.

"Hey, that's right," said Naruto. "You've met Neji and Deidara before. Shall I call them over?"

The mother and daughter blinked and shook their heads.

"It's fine, we'll meet them later," they said.

They continued walking and spotted Jiraiya and Tsunade slurping ramen at Ichiraku with a stack of empty bowls starting to pile up in front of them.

"Wow, those two can really pack it in," said the mother, looking envious. "Come to think of it-"

"Oh, you won't want to miss kaa-chan's cooking." Naruto hastily steered them along. He had spotted what looked like a hickey at the back of Granny Tsunade's neck and could make a good guess as to the cause of the two Sannin's hearty appetites this morning... at which point his brain screeched to a halt and refused to go any further.

\- o -

_Some six hours later..._

Training Ground Three was the designated site for Naruto's open air birthday party. Fairy lights and colourful lanterns were strung between the trees and bunches of colourful balloons hung everywhere. A cool breeze had started up, blowing away the heat of the afternoon sun.

Minato and Kushina had arranged for a noted barbeque restaurant, a teashop and the famous Ichiraku Ramen to cater for the party, but many families still brought home cooked dishes to share. The Akimichi clan's contribution alone looked more than enough to feed everyone there.

The mother and daughter stood near the Memorial Stone, sipping their drinks as more and more people arrived. They had visited the local _onsen_ earlier for a hot bath and a soak and were looking forward to meeting the rest of the shinobi they had brought back.

"Hello there! Naruto said you two would be here today!"

The mother and daughter beamed when they saw a beautiful young man approaching them, pulling a tall and muscular man by the hand.

"Oh, it's Haku and Zabuza," whispered the mother in reverent tones, her eyes sparkling.

"Oh indeed," muttered the daughter, eyeing the hand holding with askance.

After six years, Haku had grown more beautiful than ever, his face radiant with happiness.

"Hello, you two lovebirds! How wonderful to see you two again," greeted the mother warmly. "What have you two been doing since we last met?"

"We run an orphanage in the Land of Waves," Haku replied. "The villages have accepted us as one of them."

"Well, I'm glad to see the two of you taking your promise seriously," said the mother.

"So, Zabuza treating you alright then, is he?" asked the daughter, tapping a wooden ruler against her palm.

"I'm right here, you know," Zabuza growled.

Haku just laughed, his cheeks flushing pink.

"He treats everyone well, especially the children. We're very happy together," he confirmed.

"Prove it," challenged the mother.

"Prove what?" Zabuza demanded. "What is there to - mpff!"

Haku had pulled him down for a kiss, causing the mother to squeal happily and the daughter to make a face. Zabuza huffed and stomped off, pulling Haku along and grumbling about how there was a place and time for everything, and this was neither.

"Well, _that_ explains why those two aren't in the bingo books anymore," someone said with a chuckle.

"They make a cute couple though!" said a female voice.

The two females turned to see the Gekko family standing there. Hayate introduced his wife Yugao and their small daughter Murasaki with a proud smile. He thanked the mother and daughter again for giving him the opportunity to continue serving his village as well as to become a husband and father. The mother smiled approvingly at Yugao's pregnant belly while the daughter reminded her to go back to Anbu duty after giving birth since there weren't enough kick-ass kunoichi around. They were happy to learn that the Leaf Academy had added kenjutsu and other weapons classes some six years ago and as a result, there were more proficient wielders of the Leaf Style Crescent Moon Dance in the village.

"Six years ago? Has it been that long?" someone else said.

The mother and daughter turned to see Hiruzen Sarutobi smiling at them with his signature pipe in hand. He nodded as Hayate and Yugao bowed and excused themselves.

"How have you been, Hiruzen?" asked the mother. "You did a great job in the war with the other Hokage."

"Thank you. I'm grateful to you both for my second chance," Hiruzen replied. "I'm also grateful to Orochimaru for freeing the First, Second and Fourth Hokage from the Shinigami during the war. Hashirama and Tobirama are reunited with their loved ones in the afterlife, and so is Minato with Kushina and Naruto. And I will be with Biwako when I die."

"Not for many more years, we hope," said the mother.

"That is your first smoke of the day, right, jii-chan?" asked the daughter.

Hiruzen's smile turned a bit crafty.

"My second actually," he admitted. "But it's Naruto's birthday today. I deserve a little treat, don't you think?"

"Well, I suppose," said the daughter doubtfully.

"Asuma's birthday in about a week's time," continued Hiruzen, "so that means another treat for me."

"Now wait a minute," said the mother, catching on.

"And I believe Konohamaru's birthday is in December. I mustn't forget that."

As the two females sweatdropped, Hiruzen chuckled happily and wandered off.

"Why, that sneaky Sandaime," muttered the mother.

"Never mind him, mother. There's Deidara, look!"

They watched as the blond ninja went to greet two other young men bearing gifts before dragging them over to Naruto. One had wavy, shoulder length blond hair and the other had straight blue-grey hair and a thin face.

"Hey, isn't that Menma whom we rescued before? Who's that young man with him?"

"It's Sora, the young novice monk from the Fire Temple."

"My my, don't they look nice together?" said the mother with a happy sigh. "They arrived together too!"

The daughter rolled her eyes.

"That's because we told Menma to visit Naruto and the Hidden Leaf village at least twice a year and if he met Sora, to tell him to do the same."

"Oh, I bet they're-"

"Just friends, mother. Just friends."

"No, I bet they're more than friends! I bet they're also-"

"No. They _are_ just friends."

That deep voice was unmistakable. The mother and daughter turned to see the Head Monk of the Fire Temple, Chiriku standing there in his Fire Temple robes. He bowed his bald head, a small enigmatic smile on his lips.

"How nice to see you again, Chiriku," said the mother without missing a beat. "You're looking very well."

"How is your new temple, Uncle Chiriku?" asked the daughter, keeping one eye on Deidara.

"It is better than before, thank you. The wards are also stronger and we have more and more monks in training join us every year."

"Oh, that's wonderful!"

"Yes, it is." Chiriku glanced at Asuma, Kurenai and Mirai who were approaching them before turning back to the two females.

"Asuma and I have also made a point to meet more frequently. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity. Just remember that Menma and Sora are just friends," he said and withdrew.

"Hmph. More's the pity," mumbled the mother while behind her, the daughter gave Chiriku the thumbs up sign.

"Welcome to the Hidden Leaf Village," said Asuma heartily. "It's great to see you two again."

"Thank you, Asuma-sensei!" chirped the daughter. "Hey, you helped Choji get his butterfly wings during the Fourth Shinobi War, that was awesome!"

"It was indeed. I'm proud of him and Shikamaru and Ino," replied Asuma. He glanced over his shoulder before leaning forward. "I saw the barbeque stand. Choji and I are going to put on all the weight we've managed to lose so far."

He patted his flat stomach and grinned.

"Well, a few pieces of barbecued meat won't do any harm," assured the mother.

"I agree," said Kurenai, smiling as she shook both the females' hands. "The most important thing is that he's alive and our Mirai will grow up with both her parents. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome!" said the daughter happily. "Asuma-sensei is awesome, of course we had to bring him back. And by the way, Kurenai-sensei, the Leaf Village needs more skilled kunoichi so make sure you remain on active duty!"

"Don't worry, I haven't forgotten that," said Asuma. He thanked them again and headed for the barbeque stand with his wife and daughter.

"I'm so happy we rescued him, daughter," said the mother with a happy sigh.

"Me too, but I'm happier still we rescued _him_ , mother," said the daughter, nodding at the person walking towards them with Naruto.

"Oh yes! He's the reason why we started this series!"

"Hello, we meet again," Neji greeted them with a polite bow.

"Hello, Neji! You look wonderful," said the mother, grinning from ear to ear.

"I bet dating Tenten is a part of that," added the daughter with a mischievous smile.

"It is," Neji admitted with a small smile. He turned his head as if to see where she was, his waist long hair swinging out.

"Ooh," said the mother and daughter together, twitchy fingers reaching out, only to have the silky strands snapping out of reach when Neji swung back abruptly.

"Oops," they said upon seeing the prominent veins around his pale eyes.

"The Byakugan has almost three hundred and sixty degree vision which I'm sure you know," Neji confirmed with a smirk.

"Yes, we know," sighed the mother.

"We know everything," sighed the daughter.

"What's that about?" Naruto wanted to know.

"Nothing!" they chorused in unison. "Just make sure you keep your hairstyle as it is! No buzz cut for you!"

"Oh." Naruto shrugged. "Alright."

"So you two are behind the numerous miracles we have experienced. My sincere thanks for bringing back my nephew, the next leader of the Hyuga clan," said a deep voice.

The two females turned to see Lord Hiashi standing there with Hinata and Hanabi.

"Wow, all these Hyuga good looks are making me envious," whispered the mother.

"I know, right," whispered the daughter.

"And Hinata's the prettiest of them all," whispered Naruto, putting his head between theirs and laughing when they jumped.

"Wait - shouldn't she be the next clan leader?" asked the mother with a frown.

Lord Hiashi shook his head.

"I have done away with the Main Branch and Side Branch distinctions in the Hyuga clan," he declared. "From now on, the most promising Hyuga will be selected as the next leader. As far as Hinata has come and as proud as I am of her," he paused to smile at his eldest, "Neji's skill is still superior."

"I agree wholeheartedly with father's decision," Hinata said, returning his smile. "Neji-nii-san is, after all, the prodigy of the Hyuga clan."

Neji just bowed, clearly moved by their words. The mother and daughter started sniffling especially when Lord Hiashi placed a hand on his nephew's shoulder.

Hanabi gave a mischievous grin.

"Besides, Hinata-nee-san just wants to be the wife of the future Hoka-ow!" She broke off and rubbed her side where a red faced Hinata had jabbed a tenketsu point.

The mother and daughter's sniffles turned to giggles as a blushing Naruto rubbed the back of his head while Lord Hiashi and Neji exchanged amused smiles.

There was a _fwish_ and Minato appeared. After greeting the family that would one day be joined with his, he turned to the mother and daughter, his smile widening.

"Enjoying yourselves so far?" he asked. "Let's go say 'hi' to Kakashi, shall we? He's being anti-social again."

He reached out to hold their arms and teleported the mother and daughter mid-squawk, their drinks caught by Naruto before they could hit the ground.

"SQU-"

The three of them appeared in front of the silver haired Hokage, startling him into looking up from his Icha-Icha book.

"-AWK!"

"Now's not the time for reading, Kakashi," said Minato in a mild tone.

"Minato-sensei." Kakashi had the grace to look the tiniest bit abashed before his gaze shifted to the two females. "Oh. Hello."

"Kakashiiii!"

"Kakashi-senseiiii!"

Kakashi took a hasty step back only to bump into a broad chest.

"There you are, my youthful and eternal rival! I hereby challenge you to a dango eating contest!" Maito Gai declared. He threw an arm around Kakashi's shoulders and frowned in surprise as the mother squealed.

Kakashi quickly stuffed his book into his pouch.

"Lead the way, Gai," he said with an affable smile.

Gai - who looked a bit surprised at Kakashi's easy capitulation - did just that.

"Well, at least he's not reading anymore," sighed Minato and smiled at his pouting guests. "Have you tried our favourite ramen yet?"

A beaming Teuchi served two bowls of his signature dish to the mother and daughter whose eyes almost rolled back to the backs of their heads at the first taste of the piping hot broth. It was every bit as good as Naruto always proclaimed it was... and then some. Menma came over to thank them for his second chance in life and introduced Sora who - to both their surprise - also thanked them for making him visit the Leaf Village at least twice a year.

Kushina then brought her guests around the other stalls, laughing when the mother and daughter waved at familiar faces like Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka who nodded at them with similar knowing gleams in their eyes; and Ibiki Morino, Genma Shiranui, Raido Namiashi and Iruka Umino who just gave bemused smiles.

It wasn't long before another two people came up to the mother and daughter, making them squeal again.

"I'm Utakata. We meet again," said the Mist ninja before presenting his female companion. "And this is-"

"Hotaru, of course," gushed the mother. "You look beautiful, my dear. You two make a really cute-"

"How are you, Hotaru?" asked the daughter quickly.

"-couple. Are you two married already?" continued the mother.

"Motherrrrrr!" groaned the daughter as Utakata coughed while Hotaru giggled and poked him in the side.

"Not yet," Utakata said, giving Hotaru a glance that was meant to be exasperated, but looked mostly loving instead. "It's only been a year or so. We _are_ still master and student."

"For now," Hotaru put in, batting her eyelashes at her master.

"Atta girl!" said the mother approvingly.

"Thank you again for my second chance, and for not leaving Hotaru alone. She insisted on meeting you two. Now, let's go wish Naruto a happy birthday." With a bow, Utakata led Hotaru away even though she glanced back to wink at the mother.

"At least Hotaru is on my side," said the mother.

"And Utakata is on mine," muttered the daughter. "Oh look, there's Shikamaru, Ino and Choji!"

The younger Ino-Shika-Cho trio were at the barbeque stand, the former two trying to persuade the latter to try ramen and the latter insisting that nothing could be better than grilled meat.

Then Minato appeared beside the mother and daughter again.

"The Kazekage has just arrived. Would you like to meet him?"

The mother and daughter's sparkly eyes were answer enough. Minato led them over to where the entourage from the Village Hidden in the Sand were greeting Naruto, each of them bearing gifts.

Gaara bowed and treated the mother and daughter with the respectful wariness reminiscent of Itachi. He ignored their compliments about his wind ruffled hair and reminders to keep it that way before introducing his siblings Kankurou and Temari.

The Honoured Siblings and Sasori were next. Granny Chiyo was her usual irrepressible self as she introduced her brother Ebizo. Sasori would assume leadership of the Puppet Corp of the Sand next year and Chiyo promised to the mother and daughter _sotto voce_ to keep an eye on him to ensure he didn't experiment on human puppets ever again.

Sasori was soft spoken and polite. He smiled when he said he had made friends with a Leaf ninja, Deidara, even if most of their correspondence centered around a never ending argument on the true definition of art. True to his words, Deidara soon appeared and dragged him off, declaring he was going to win their argument over a bowl of ramen since there was no bakudan to be had.

"Oh, aren't they _adorable!_ " said the mother with a happy grin.

"Who are?" asked Naruto who had come up to them after depositing his latest presents in a growing pile near the Memorial Stone.

"No one," muttered the daughter. "Look, that's Torune talking to Shino and his father, Shibi!"

Naruto nodded and grinned.

"Yup. Shino fought a reanimated Torune during the war - my clone went to help - so he's pleased to have his adopted brother back."

"There's Fu," added the daughter as a brown haired shinobi came up to the group and grabbed Torune by the shoulders. "And before you start, mother-"

"They're M.F.E.O.!" squealed the mother, making Naruto and the daughter wince.

"Hey, Naruto!" called a deep, familiar voice. "Get over here, birthday boy!"

"Pervy Sage!" This time, the volume of the combined voices of Naruto, the mother and the daughter made Jiraiya wince.

"Don't call me that!"

"My sibling students are here too," Naruto added happily.

Yahiko, Konan and Nagato came over. They shook hands with Naruto and Konan pecked him on the cheek before handing him more gifts. Then they greeted the mother and daughter.

"It's lovely to see you again," Konan said happily, linking arms with Yahiko. Nagato looked around and waved at Itachi and Shisui across the clearing.

"Likewise, my dear," said the mother, darting a non too subtle glance at Konan's slim midriff.

Konan just smiled.

"No good news yet, but I can tell you it's not for lack of trying," she disclosed candidly, making Yahiko blush while Nagato choked with silent laughter.

"But I see someone else has taken your advice to heart," Konan added, nodding at another couple approaching them.

"It's Obito and Rin," said the daughter. "They look very happy."

"And Rin's pregnant," said the mother in a smug tone. "Their child will be the same age as Hayate and Yugao's second child-"

"And my baby sister," reminded Naruto.

"Isn't it wonderful?" said the mother happily.

"Why is every female I see pregnant?!" groused the daughter, rolling her eyes.

"Tsunade isn't," pointed out the mother as she spied the bosomy Fifth Hokage at the barbeque stand.

"That's because she and Pervy Sage are in their fifties!" huffed the daughter while Naruto turned red.

"Excuse me, I see the Mizukage's just arrived with her husband," he said and hurried off to greet them.

"Why, so she has," said the mother with a blinding grin. "And look, daughter, she's pregnant too!"

The daughter gave a rather unladylike snort.

"Lord Ao hasn't wasted any time, that's for sure," she said and returned Lord Ao's wave.

"And that's the entourage from the Hidden Cloud!" said the mother, seeing another group approach Naruto with more gifts. They listened to the distant rapping of a birthday greeting from Killer B and grinned.

"At least Mabui isn't pregnant," muttered the daughter.

"I'm sure she will be at some point," said the mother, surveying the arm Darui put around Mabui's waist with satisfaction.

\- o -

_A couple of hours later..._

Naruto's birthday cake was an enormous confection decorated in chocolate and vanilla frosting... in the shape of a huge bowl of miso ramen. His delighted laughter ran out across the clearing as soon as the cakeshop owner wheeled it out on a trolley.

The crowd surged forward, children crowding around the trolley while Genma and Raido tried to instill order. The mother and daughter stood to one side, enjoying the sight of all the beaming faces, dear and familiar, and most important of all, healthy and alive. Happiest of all was Naruto's face as he stood flanked by Hinata and Sasuke, his parents and the rest of the Konoha Thirteen.

The mother and daughter clapped along when the birthday song was sung with great enthusiasm. Amidst shouts of 'Make a wish, Naruto!', all eighteen candles were blown out. The resultant cheers were deafening.

Obito sent a shower of fiery sparks high into the night sky, Sasuke followed with a huge burst of lightning sparks, and Kakashi sent an army of tiny water dragons to ensure there was no lasting mischief.

The mother and daughter smiled at the shouts of laughter and good natured teasing that followed.

"Isn't this _so_ much better than canon, daughter?" asked the mother happily. "All our favourite characters alive and living happily ever after, the way they should be."

"Indeed it is, mother," agreed the daughter. She saw something out of the corner of her eye and looked down to see a long white snake slithering into a nearby bush. It looked familiar to her, but she shrugged and dismissed it as unimportant.

\- o -

The mother was more than a little tipsy by the time she and the daughter shook hands with Minato in farewell. Kushina kissed them on both cheeks and then Naruto escorted them to the main gates of the village.

"Thank you again," he said in a serious tone, the constant smiles from the past few hours vanishing. "Our victory wouldn't have been as complete if you hadn't brought back our loved ones and comrades, you know."

"You're most welcome," the mother told him and squeaked when Naruto gave her an impulsive hug.

"It's been fun!" said the daughter and was hugged by Naruto as well.

"Wait - we almost forgot to give you our present!"

"Oh, you don't have to," Naruto protested. "You've already given me the best gift ever, the lives of my parents and friends!"

"Nope. We insist," said the daughter and held out a tiny glass bottle. Inside was a single pink ball.

"What is it?" Naruto asked, peering at it.

"A peach pill. A cure all for any injuries sustained or illnesses contracted. Efficient even if you are at death's door," explained the mother. "Keep it for when you really need it, alright?"

Naruto nodded solemnly and pocketed the bottle.

"I'm glad I got to meet you two in person," he said and was taken aback when they grinned at him.

"Hold that thought!" they said before hurrying to the bushes where he had first seen them. They crawled inside and pulled something out with an effort - a trolley crammed high with luggage, all strapped together in a rather haphazard fashion.

"You're going to see us everyday," they chorused in unison, "because we have decided to make our home here in the Village Hidden in the Leaves!"

THE END

**A/N:** Thank you for reading this monster of a chapter! It's been quite the challenge tying all the loose ends together. We hope you've enjoyed our zany, tongue-in-cheek humour. Pretty please leave us a review?


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